Recently i've written that I am not a joiner.
I think there's more. Fact is - I'm an arm's-lengther.
I've had more than one friend advise me (just this year) that they feel very much on the periphery of my life. I don't use the term "friend" loosely either. These are people about whom I have used the words LOVE and SISTER and DEAR and CHERISHED.
I've been fortunate, I guess, in that many of my friends prefer not to be bothered with me often. They have business that keeps them too busy for much socializing, and a friendship with me is something of a relief in a world full of people who ALL want their time... all of the time.
Part of my insular life has to do with the weight I give to my nuclear family. As a child and young adult (and not so young adult) my relationship with my parents has been tantamount to breathing - - especially that with my mother. Through those years, and almost as much even now, she was my everything all the time. The only person whose phone calls I have consistently anticipated and enjoyed. The only person who ever REALLY got me and didn't care about the flaws. The Mother kind of person, I suppose. And, as such, the definitive role model for how *I* would be as a mom... and a wife, mostly.
Now that I'm married my focus has shifted somewhat, and while I remain faithful to my mom (and my love for her), my main attention goes to my family... my husband and daughter. I invest my time (those hours that aren't dedicated to earning a living or home and garden keeping) in my relationships with them. In making the kind of bonds that ensure that I will continue to have people who GET me and don't mind my flaws (or even, if my luck holds, who love me because of them). I am DRIVEN to being the mom to my daughter that mine was to me. I am committed to being the best wife my husband could dream of. And when I have a few minutes (usually in the bathroom!) to myself, I think about me.
Lately my thoughts have been focused on my social life, or lack thereof, and my friends. I think about my priorities are where they ought to be (sad fact is that someday my mom will pass away, and my daughter will grow up - - and maybe away from me) and whether or not I'm "setting myself up for a lonely future."*
I think not, though. I have made the promise, with my whole heart, to be a soul mate to my husband. We're working - so very diligently - at making our world together. And since he's 5 years my junior, I figure I won't have to survive him - - or if I do, not for very long on my own.
I am putting all of my heart into being a good mom. A smart and wise mom. A defined mom, who is so obviously committed to motherhood and dedicated to the well-being and loving of my child, that she can't help but know that she means the world to me, and always will. I'm working, I guess, to do honor not only unto my parents, but to my whole family... with all of my heart.
And, I still do have friends who view the length of my arm as something of a cushion of their own. I guess some folk might call them friendly acquaintances, but to me they are dear, and cherished, and loved.
I expect I will find myself working harder at letting the people who need to know that they matter to me... that my concern and caring for them is not just lip service... no matter how invisible (or sedentary) my heartstrings may be. It may mean scheduling a night a month for giving of myself to the people who deserve it... (i'm already wondering how ruffled they will be at being scheduled into my life) or maybe opening myself up, a little more, to the possibility of spontaneity. Or it may mean learning to accept the fact that they will only really view me as a friendly acquaintance.
I'm a work in progress... in all the arenas, under all the hats, in every aspect of my life.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me.
* verbatim the worry of a friend of mine, for me.
11 July 2007
a Whole New Day
We saw Hairspray last night.
Having been a fan of the original, I was skeptical at first.
I laughed my tail off. It's a good movie.
We took Foo. She loved it too. She was kinda dancing in her seat, but only kinda.
It was her first "in the theater" experience. She was wowed.
I guess I'm going to have to give up my issues with the theater... at least for a while.
On the drive home my husband and I listened to love songs - - even sang along with a few - - and the baby telling us about her evening.
We got home late.
Pretty much went right to bed, and I still woke up exhausted.
I have 8 reports to run this week. And some meetings. And a lunch date today.
ugh.
Having been a fan of the original, I was skeptical at first.
I laughed my tail off. It's a good movie.
We took Foo. She loved it too. She was kinda dancing in her seat, but only kinda.
It was her first "in the theater" experience. She was wowed.
I guess I'm going to have to give up my issues with the theater... at least for a while.
On the drive home my husband and I listened to love songs - - even sang along with a few - - and the baby telling us about her evening.
We got home late.
Pretty much went right to bed, and I still woke up exhausted.
I have 8 reports to run this week. And some meetings. And a lunch date today.
ugh.
10 July 2007
maybe Evil, hardly Genious
:: Update::
This post has been edited for the sake of brevity.
Prologue
I am a snoop and a would-be detective.
For the most part I'm too selfish, too egocentric to be bothered by things that happen without me and as for what people say about me, i usually just let it go.
The Setup
A week ago, or two, i found out that I was being uninvited to a blog that I was lead to believe didn't exist.
The Self Revealed
I'm a voyeur. I'm nosy. I'm a long list of other things, none of which lend themselves to the kind of person who stays out of someone else's business - especially if I can peek in without having to participate.
I don't know the depths of my self and my soul, but the shallow story is that i'm not a joiner.
I am a watcher... occasionally a commenter... and from time to time a participant or assistant
- - but I am NOT a joiner.
The Snooping
I googled the blog. I found the blog. I read the blog.
The Worst Bit
I feel guilty.
Not cool.
The Fall-Out Part 1
I just confessed and apologised.
This post has been edited for the sake of brevity.
Prologue
I am a snoop and a would-be detective.
For the most part I'm too selfish, too egocentric to be bothered by things that happen without me and as for what people say about me, i usually just let it go.
The Setup
A week ago, or two, i found out that I was being uninvited to a blog that I was lead to believe didn't exist.
The Self Revealed
I'm a voyeur. I'm nosy. I'm a long list of other things, none of which lend themselves to the kind of person who stays out of someone else's business - especially if I can peek in without having to participate.
I don't know the depths of my self and my soul, but the shallow story is that i'm not a joiner.
I am a watcher... occasionally a commenter... and from time to time a participant or assistant
- - but I am NOT a joiner.
The Snooping
I googled the blog. I found the blog. I read the blog.
The Worst Bit
I feel guilty.
Not cool.
The Fall-Out Part 1
I just confessed and apologised.
09 July 2007
Evil IMDB
So, i was tripping through IMDB and did my regular check on Shantaram, and out of "boredom" i clicked on mr. Depp to see what else he's been up to, and LO! I found Sweeny Todd.
The cast list is missing only one of my "in this movie boyfriends" (well, maybe a couple from the WHOLE list, but only one from the short list).
Not like i ever go to the movies. i'm not a fan of dark rooms full of strangers and the inability to concede to my wallnut sized bladder without, invariably, missing something vital. But wow, this is a good sounding movie.
Oh, and the only other little bit to add, which is really weird to me.
Steve, the "owner" of Blue that neither my daughter nor I really care for much, is also a co-creator of the show. Isn't it odd, how the guy you don't really like is the one who made it up? it leaves me wondering which of my ideas are going to be successful, once i hand them off.
te he.
The cast list is missing only one of my "in this movie boyfriends" (well, maybe a couple from the WHOLE list, but only one from the short list).
Not like i ever go to the movies. i'm not a fan of dark rooms full of strangers and the inability to concede to my wallnut sized bladder without, invariably, missing something vital. But wow, this is a good sounding movie.
Oh, and the only other little bit to add, which is really weird to me.
Steve, the "owner" of Blue that neither my daughter nor I really care for much, is also a co-creator of the show. Isn't it odd, how the guy you don't really like is the one who made it up? it leaves me wondering which of my ideas are going to be successful, once i hand them off.
te he.
06 July 2007
Oh How I Miss...
::: Update :::
I was drastically outbid.
I flat out refuse to pay more than $75 for even the most notorious of nostalgia items.
Particularly for an alarm clock.
Maybe next time.
:: UPDATE ::
I just placed a bid on this on e-bay.
wish me luck.
i could just cry...
...my singing chicken alarm clock.
I think it might have been called the "rock n roll chicken alarm clock".
In the most rockin' annoying voice he would call, in the morning, "Hey baby wake up, come and dance with me - wooooow, yeeeah"
It got left behind when I left England the last time.
When I left on the promise that I would be called back.
He never sent that back to me.
I found one, recently, sold on e-bay for $150. I wouldn't be surprised if he were the seller.
Jackass.
If any of you out there ever has the odd opportunity to do business with, or even just happen to meet a tall gawky Kevin Goodings, a Norwich boy with a dopey grin and an otherwise decent attitude, ask him to send Nif her chicken alarm clock back... or at least to apologize for never having mailed it.
thanks...
I was drastically outbid.
I flat out refuse to pay more than $75 for even the most notorious of nostalgia items.
Particularly for an alarm clock.
Maybe next time.
:: UPDATE ::
I just placed a bid on this on e-bay.
wish me luck.
i could just cry...
...my singing chicken alarm clock.
I think it might have been called the "rock n roll chicken alarm clock".
In the most rockin' annoying voice he would call, in the morning, "Hey baby wake up, come and dance with me - wooooow, yeeeah"
It got left behind when I left England the last time.
When I left on the promise that I would be called back.
He never sent that back to me.
I found one, recently, sold on e-bay for $150. I wouldn't be surprised if he were the seller.
Jackass.
If any of you out there ever has the odd opportunity to do business with, or even just happen to meet a tall gawky Kevin Goodings, a Norwich boy with a dopey grin and an otherwise decent attitude, ask him to send Nif her chicken alarm clock back... or at least to apologize for never having mailed it.
thanks...
03 July 2007
scoop
ok.
so the thing is, the surgery beat me up.
and the recovery made me lazy.
since june 1st, i haven't wanted to work on anything - - well, at least nothing indoors. my garden is pretty. if i weren't so ham-handed with the camera, i would have included a photo. they're all crap.
i'm on (and now off) my third course of 'kicks-your-ass-a-cin' this one is compounded and goes (went) up my nose via ear syringe (lovingly called the 'ball-baster') i'm not on it now, because my ENT is concerned about my lesser ability to breathe since beginning 'treatment'. i get to see him (and have him stick metal sticks up my nose) this afternoon - - to hopefully get to the bottom of what's going on in there.
in happier news, i just did some "haunt my house" shopping. i have an idea (which i'm hoping will grow up into a nice big and strong 'plan') of what i'd like to do. i have to think, seriously, about where i'm setting the bar - - this is our FIRST year in our own place that we can haunt as much or as little as we want. at the same time, i'm so excited, there's a good chance i'll be going too whole on the hog, and blow it for every year henceforth. i'm not too fussed/worried... i mean really, we're only LIKELY to get more technology and with the baby getting older every year, that means we'll have more (useful) hands as our tenure at Earthburg progresses as well (at least for the prep work, it will be a good many years before she's done trick or treating, and who can blame her!). Still, with technological advances, there's a good chance that I'll some day be able to man all of the demons/ghouls and other whosie whatnots on my own from remote control sensors pasted all over the house (and my body - - I mean, I have to still be able to be one of the baddies).
nevermind.
I'm really raving here.
i'm too excited.
see how I am?
so the thing is, the surgery beat me up.
and the recovery made me lazy.
since june 1st, i haven't wanted to work on anything - - well, at least nothing indoors. my garden is pretty. if i weren't so ham-handed with the camera, i would have included a photo. they're all crap.
i'm on (and now off) my third course of 'kicks-your-ass-a-cin' this one is compounded and goes (went) up my nose via ear syringe (lovingly called the 'ball-baster') i'm not on it now, because my ENT is concerned about my lesser ability to breathe since beginning 'treatment'. i get to see him (and have him stick metal sticks up my nose) this afternoon - - to hopefully get to the bottom of what's going on in there.
in happier news, i just did some "haunt my house" shopping. i have an idea (which i'm hoping will grow up into a nice big and strong 'plan') of what i'd like to do. i have to think, seriously, about where i'm setting the bar - - this is our FIRST year in our own place that we can haunt as much or as little as we want. at the same time, i'm so excited, there's a good chance i'll be going too whole on the hog, and blow it for every year henceforth. i'm not too fussed/worried... i mean really, we're only LIKELY to get more technology and with the baby getting older every year, that means we'll have more (useful) hands as our tenure at Earthburg progresses as well (at least for the prep work, it will be a good many years before she's done trick or treating, and who can blame her!). Still, with technological advances, there's a good chance that I'll some day be able to man all of the demons/ghouls and other whosie whatnots on my own from remote control sensors pasted all over the house (and my body - - I mean, I have to still be able to be one of the baddies).
nevermind.
I'm really raving here.
i'm too excited.
see how I am?
25 May 2007
My (delayed) Questions from Francey Pants
1. What job would you never, under any circumstances, consider taking?
Taste tester at a seafood restaurant.
2. What do you do when you can't sleep?
I make alphabetical lists of things in categories (one man Scattergories, i suppose).
Animals, Flowers/Plants, Cities, people (famous or otherwise), Pet Names...
3. Who do you admire?
My daughter for her innocent eyes, my mother for her wise ones.
4. What is the worst fault a person can have?
Being a liar (hypocrite).
5. What do you miss about being a child?
Summer Vacation - - to the point that i STILL consider going back to school to learn to be a teacher.
Taste tester at a seafood restaurant.
2. What do you do when you can't sleep?
I make alphabetical lists of things in categories (one man Scattergories, i suppose).
Animals, Flowers/Plants, Cities, people (famous or otherwise), Pet Names...
3. Who do you admire?
My daughter for her innocent eyes, my mother for her wise ones.
4. What is the worst fault a person can have?
Being a liar (hypocrite).
5. What do you miss about being a child?
Summer Vacation - - to the point that i STILL consider going back to school to learn to be a teacher.
11 May 2007
begin::
I received an envelope today with two photos of me inside... both from a few years ago, office Halloween. I think my fingers were thinner back then. I decline to comment on the rest of me. The best part though, is the clown red wig - - it's not afro, it's a nice little Louise Brooks cut, but it's that plastic red that i've always (not so secretly) wanted to dye my hair.
My Francey Pants mentioned wanting to be called AJ on her resume. Called to mind how envious I've always been of folks whose initials make suitable monikers. I've always wished my mom had given me a "reasonable" middle name like Claudette or Delanie (or Delano?). My daughter is an E.M. - - which she can rather respectably use if she's inclined to maintain her ambiguity without sounding like a poseur. J.M. just doesn't cut it. Pleh.
Florida weather is less than hospitable, which I find woeful.
I never managed to mow the lawn this week. I shall be returning to a meadow. I am considering telling all the neighbor folk that I was "letting it go to seed" but the yardener in me knows that you can't let it go to seed one week, and put down your Memorial Day fertilizer just two weeks behind - - you'll burn up all the babies. Who likes burnt baby grass? Nobody.
Probably we won't be getting merit increases this year. I'm hoping I can use that to lobby for a work from home day. Send a prayer...
I am deeply addicted to my Bare Minerals. For someone who ALWAYS has a blemish somewhere, this stuff is heaven sent.
Just got the bad news that the job i might have posted for is for a different group that we thought it might be, so I can't really post for it because i'd be working with all the wrong people. I got it at the best possible time, though, considering all the stuff going down between next week and the middle of June. I'm being grateful for unanswered prayers right now.
I'm taking my camera when I go. I will do my best to take photos that are worth posting.
:: end
My Francey Pants mentioned wanting to be called AJ on her resume. Called to mind how envious I've always been of folks whose initials make suitable monikers. I've always wished my mom had given me a "reasonable" middle name like Claudette or Delanie (or Delano?). My daughter is an E.M. - - which she can rather respectably use if she's inclined to maintain her ambiguity without sounding like a poseur. J.M. just doesn't cut it. Pleh.
Florida weather is less than hospitable, which I find woeful.
I never managed to mow the lawn this week. I shall be returning to a meadow. I am considering telling all the neighbor folk that I was "letting it go to seed" but the yardener in me knows that you can't let it go to seed one week, and put down your Memorial Day fertilizer just two weeks behind - - you'll burn up all the babies. Who likes burnt baby grass? Nobody.
Probably we won't be getting merit increases this year. I'm hoping I can use that to lobby for a work from home day. Send a prayer...
I am deeply addicted to my Bare Minerals. For someone who ALWAYS has a blemish somewhere, this stuff is heaven sent.
Just got the bad news that the job i might have posted for is for a different group that we thought it might be, so I can't really post for it because i'd be working with all the wrong people. I got it at the best possible time, though, considering all the stuff going down between next week and the middle of June. I'm being grateful for unanswered prayers right now.
I'm taking my camera when I go. I will do my best to take photos that are worth posting.
:: end
04 May 2007
Update - - too long delayed
The antibiotics didn't work.
I don't have a concha bullosa in my snout.
There is no real level of assuredness as to what is causing the foul tastes and smells.
I will, however, be having sinus surgery (1 June).
The doc really needs to remove the infection (which can only be facilitated surgically)
While he's in there, he will be fixing my deviated septum, opening up my right maxillary sinus, and performing reductions on my right middle turbinate, and both inferior turbinates.
For more information, if your morbidly curious like I am, you can check out the pretty good information at SinusInfoCenter.com. I think it's run by a consortium of ENT's, but that's not so bad.
Other than that, life is just moving along as normal. Work is work. There's always something to be done with the house. My baby is fully wonderful and wonderfully funny.
I don't have a concha bullosa in my snout.
There is no real level of assuredness as to what is causing the foul tastes and smells.
I will, however, be having sinus surgery (1 June).
The doc really needs to remove the infection (which can only be facilitated surgically)
While he's in there, he will be fixing my deviated septum, opening up my right maxillary sinus, and performing reductions on my right middle turbinate, and both inferior turbinates.
For more information, if your morbidly curious like I am, you can check out the pretty good information at SinusInfoCenter.com. I think it's run by a consortium of ENT's, but that's not so bad.
Other than that, life is just moving along as normal. Work is work. There's always something to be done with the house. My baby is fully wonderful and wonderfully funny.
11 April 2007
Pillow Talk - - or - - channelling maggie mason
me: I don't know why they named it Avelox, Moxifloxacin is such a cute name
him: forget cute, they should call it what it is and name it KickYourAss-acin
him: forget cute, they should call it what it is and name it KickYourAss-acin
02 April 2007
reflection
i keep thinking back to when i was a person of interest.
trying to recall what it was that made me most interesting... desperately afraid that it was only an inflated sense of my self-worth and the fact that i was, for all intents and purposes, a hermit... who liked to make papercrafts.
i think i took better care of my skin then too.
i'd like to say i took better care of my body, but that would be a lie. sure, i danced all the time, but i drank too much, slept too little, and routinely pushed the envelope a lot too far.
sleep - it isn't just for the weak anymore.
i guess the call to be interesting comes from a deep desire to be someone who my daughter will think of as cool. sure, now she thinks everything i do is awesome, but she's three... what does she know from awesome? to her a big thrill is baking, doing laundry, or scrubbing pots. what about when she's 13 and her 8th grade trip drags her off to someplace i've never been?
my deep heart keeps asking me "did you think mom was any less cool after you came back from England the first time?" no, i answer sheepishly, but all in all my mom is cooler than I am (always has been) and i shudder at my own lack of self-esteem.
i know what made me interesting and cool was being happy with who i am, in my own skin, and proud of what i've done already and what i hope to do. i know this, all of it, deep in my cells, and yet i'm having a hard time harvesting the comfort level again.
maybe it's just spring fever.
trying to recall what it was that made me most interesting... desperately afraid that it was only an inflated sense of my self-worth and the fact that i was, for all intents and purposes, a hermit... who liked to make papercrafts.
i think i took better care of my skin then too.
i'd like to say i took better care of my body, but that would be a lie. sure, i danced all the time, but i drank too much, slept too little, and routinely pushed the envelope a lot too far.
sleep - it isn't just for the weak anymore.
i guess the call to be interesting comes from a deep desire to be someone who my daughter will think of as cool. sure, now she thinks everything i do is awesome, but she's three... what does she know from awesome? to her a big thrill is baking, doing laundry, or scrubbing pots. what about when she's 13 and her 8th grade trip drags her off to someplace i've never been?
my deep heart keeps asking me "did you think mom was any less cool after you came back from England the first time?" no, i answer sheepishly, but all in all my mom is cooler than I am (always has been) and i shudder at my own lack of self-esteem.
i know what made me interesting and cool was being happy with who i am, in my own skin, and proud of what i've done already and what i hope to do. i know this, all of it, deep in my cells, and yet i'm having a hard time harvesting the comfort level again.
maybe it's just spring fever.
21 March 2007
eye numbing
i am loathe to ever admit to being bored at work. around here, most people think that means you don't have anything to do. i don't think there are more than a handful of folk who understand that what it REALLY means is that you don't have anything interesting to do. i've been plugging away, for two weeks, on some painfully boring, cookie-cutter, have to do the same thing every month stuff. it's mind numbing.
to alleviate my suffering i find myself focusing on the actual arrival of spring - - the warm weather that is approaching (and yes, the thunderstorms too) has me giddy with thoughts of planting and moving dirt and making things grow. we're going to have to do a lot of the dirt moving this year. we have some serious grade issues with the ground around our house. it's going to take a lot of dirt. and we'll be moving some shrubs, and some rose bushes (if they merit the effort) and some sidewalk (ugh) and some concrete steps (double ugh) but it will be very pretty when it's done. i'm sure of it.
and then there are the spring holidays coming up - - well, there's Easter and my parents anniversary (for which I am wholly unprepared) and my daughter's birthday (3 this year - how time snakes away when you aren't looking - - and even when you are!). and mother's day - - which will be the start of a week in Florida for me and mine (including the cat)... and finally Memorial Day - - already bringing summer on its heels.
i'm not really wishing the time away - i know it will speed by well enough on its own - but looking forward to all these wonderful days in front of me. it's a real mood booster - - which is a required element when faced with the reality of numb-ers calling to me.
happy spring y'all!
to alleviate my suffering i find myself focusing on the actual arrival of spring - - the warm weather that is approaching (and yes, the thunderstorms too) has me giddy with thoughts of planting and moving dirt and making things grow. we're going to have to do a lot of the dirt moving this year. we have some serious grade issues with the ground around our house. it's going to take a lot of dirt. and we'll be moving some shrubs, and some rose bushes (if they merit the effort) and some sidewalk (ugh) and some concrete steps (double ugh) but it will be very pretty when it's done. i'm sure of it.
and then there are the spring holidays coming up - - well, there's Easter and my parents anniversary (for which I am wholly unprepared) and my daughter's birthday (3 this year - how time snakes away when you aren't looking - - and even when you are!). and mother's day - - which will be the start of a week in Florida for me and mine (including the cat)... and finally Memorial Day - - already bringing summer on its heels.
i'm not really wishing the time away - i know it will speed by well enough on its own - but looking forward to all these wonderful days in front of me. it's a real mood booster - - which is a required element when faced with the reality of numb-ers calling to me.
happy spring y'all!
19 March 2007
Back on the Wagon
I'm at it again - - spring is shouldering its way onto the calendar and into my thoughts, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror thinking, I can't go out in summer clothes looking like THIS.
So here I am, again, tracking my food and trying to figure out what's going to inspire me to exercise. Watching my eating really helps. So does drinking gallons of water every day (and cutting WAY back on the diet soda).
Crazy as it sounds, my husband just found some research that supports that whole "diet soda will make you fat" crap. Apparently inundating your diet with zero cal sweeteners tricks your body into thinking that all sweet things are nutrient free, and it processes them carelessly, as opposed to breaking them up the way it ought.
Doesn't mean I'm jumping right back to full sugar on everything, but since most of the sweet i eat every day is fruit, I figure i'm ok with the occasional pink packet on my fiber cereal and in the random cup of tea. And NOTHING BUT NOTHING is going to make me give up my Breyer's vanilla ice cream with Splenda.
Snow and cold in Michigan these days - - looking and feeling nothing like the spring that's supposed to be right at our threshold... ah well, soon enough I'll be grousing about the heat. There's really no pleasing some people.
Happy Monday!
So here I am, again, tracking my food and trying to figure out what's going to inspire me to exercise. Watching my eating really helps. So does drinking gallons of water every day (and cutting WAY back on the diet soda).
Crazy as it sounds, my husband just found some research that supports that whole "diet soda will make you fat" crap. Apparently inundating your diet with zero cal sweeteners tricks your body into thinking that all sweet things are nutrient free, and it processes them carelessly, as opposed to breaking them up the way it ought.
Doesn't mean I'm jumping right back to full sugar on everything, but since most of the sweet i eat every day is fruit, I figure i'm ok with the occasional pink packet on my fiber cereal and in the random cup of tea. And NOTHING BUT NOTHING is going to make me give up my Breyer's vanilla ice cream with Splenda.
Snow and cold in Michigan these days - - looking and feeling nothing like the spring that's supposed to be right at our threshold... ah well, soon enough I'll be grousing about the heat. There's really no pleasing some people.
Happy Monday!
Back on the Wagon
I'm at it again - - spring is shouldering its way onto the calendar and into my thoughts, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror thinking, I can't go out in summer clothes looking like THIS.
So here I am, again, tracking my food and trying to figure out what's going to inspire me to exercise. Watching my eating really helps. So does drinking gallons of water every day (and cutting WAY back on the diet soda).
Crazy as it sounds, my husband just found some research that supports that whole "diet soda will make you fat" crap. Apparently inundating your diet with zero cal sweeteners tricks your body into thinking that all sweet things are nutrient free, and it processes them carelessly, as opposed to breaking them up the way it ought.
Doesn't mean I'm jumping right back to full sugar on everything, but since most of the sweet i eat every day is fruit, I figure i'm ok with the occasional pink packet on my fiber cereal and in the random cup of tea. And NOTHING BUT NOTHING is going to make me give up my Breyer's vanilla ice cream with Splenda.
Snow and cold in Michigan these days - - looking and feeling nothing like the spring that's supposed to be right at our threshold... ah well, soon enough I'll be grousing about the heat. There's really no pleasing some people.
Happy Monday!
So here I am, again, tracking my food and trying to figure out what's going to inspire me to exercise. Watching my eating really helps. So does drinking gallons of water every day (and cutting WAY back on the diet soda).
Crazy as it sounds, my husband just found some research that supports that whole "diet soda will make you fat" crap. Apparently inundating your diet with zero cal sweeteners tricks your body into thinking that all sweet things are nutrient free, and it processes them carelessly, as opposed to breaking them up the way it ought.
Doesn't mean I'm jumping right back to full sugar on everything, but since most of the sweet i eat every day is fruit, I figure i'm ok with the occasional pink packet on my fiber cereal and in the random cup of tea. And NOTHING BUT NOTHING is going to make me give up my Breyer's vanilla ice cream with Splenda.
Snow and cold in Michigan these days - - looking and feeling nothing like the spring that's supposed to be right at our threshold... ah well, soon enough I'll be grousing about the heat. There's really no pleasing some people.
Happy Monday!
14 March 2007
Bergdoff Good Who?
i stumbled across Bergdoff Goodman today
holy cats
what rich folk won't do to throw away their money.
i'm still trying to figure out what makes designer clothes any different (other than their occasionally ridiculous extremes of uselessness) than something nice normal people might find at a decent shop, or for mercy sake, make on their own.
once upon a time the idle rich knew how to stitch, and knit, and decorate their own bonnets. now, apparently, they're too lazy (or stupid) even for that.
ridiculous...
utterly
holy cats
what rich folk won't do to throw away their money.
i'm still trying to figure out what makes designer clothes any different (other than their occasionally ridiculous extremes of uselessness) than something nice normal people might find at a decent shop, or for mercy sake, make on their own.
once upon a time the idle rich knew how to stitch, and knit, and decorate their own bonnets. now, apparently, they're too lazy (or stupid) even for that.
ridiculous...
utterly
13 March 2007
glorious
This is Detroit
My weatherbug says it's 63 degrees today With a blue sky and sunshine and
I
am
trapped inside this building for another 90 minutes.
some days, there is no justice. tomorrow, it won't be warm or sunny at least not according to all the weather geeks just another average april day in Detroit but today...
ah....
12 March 2007
Spring Forward Crap
i really don't like the whole daylight saving time thing.
the biggest reason is my wake up time.
during most week days i'm awake by 5:30 and leaving the house for work at 6.
up until this past weekend, i was almost driving during daylight hours. it felt like spring to me.
now, i'm back in the dark ages of winter and miserable in the morning - - and it's not just the jet lag feeling of having lost an hour either, it's about the sunlight playing with my wakefulness.
don't even get me going on the ridiculous excuse of "saving energy" the freaks in Washington tout. as if. longer days mean the family hopping in the car to drive up to the local DQ for sundaes and dilly bars. no one walks in the evening anymore. please. this is America after all.
i'm still cold too - but that's a whole nuther story...
the biggest reason is my wake up time.
during most week days i'm awake by 5:30 and leaving the house for work at 6.
up until this past weekend, i was almost driving during daylight hours. it felt like spring to me.
now, i'm back in the dark ages of winter and miserable in the morning - - and it's not just the jet lag feeling of having lost an hour either, it's about the sunlight playing with my wakefulness.
don't even get me going on the ridiculous excuse of "saving energy" the freaks in Washington tout. as if. longer days mean the family hopping in the car to drive up to the local DQ for sundaes and dilly bars. no one walks in the evening anymore. please. this is America after all.
i'm still cold too - but that's a whole nuther story...
06 March 2007
Chilly McBlue in Floodland
I'm cold and tired and feeling rather grim, on the overall.
last week Thursday night / Friday morning (1am) we got a call from my mom - - in whose basement most of our stuff is - was - stored - - informing us that there were 6" of ice water (she omitted the ice part) in the basement, and that we needed to get over and help out.
the water was very cold.
a lot of our stuff was in cardboard boxes.
we had television sets and press-wood furniture on the floor
we got cold and wet and spent the better part of the weekend cleaning, sorting, and disposing.
on Sunday my husband reminded me of how lucky we were that we had moved the sofa just a couple of weeks before. the multi-thousand dollar to replace sofa. just thinking about it made my stomach turn, and i agreed that we were indeed lucky.
somehow one of the sump pumps had quit working without notice (AWOL) and the other had slipped out of a "boot" designed to keep it from pumping water INTO the basement.
shudder - 6" of ice water.
now, a lot of our stuff has made it into our basement. oh, yeah, there's a lot more to go, but we're getting there. we still have a lot of going through, and organizing to do (if only i had a few thousand dollars for shelving, i would have library stacks in my basement!)
anywho...
last week Thursday night / Friday morning (1am) we got a call from my mom - - in whose basement most of our stuff is - was - stored - - informing us that there were 6" of ice water (she omitted the ice part) in the basement, and that we needed to get over and help out.
the water was very cold.
a lot of our stuff was in cardboard boxes.
we had television sets and press-wood furniture on the floor
we got cold and wet and spent the better part of the weekend cleaning, sorting, and disposing.
on Sunday my husband reminded me of how lucky we were that we had moved the sofa just a couple of weeks before. the multi-thousand dollar to replace sofa. just thinking about it made my stomach turn, and i agreed that we were indeed lucky.
somehow one of the sump pumps had quit working without notice (AWOL) and the other had slipped out of a "boot" designed to keep it from pumping water INTO the basement.
shudder - 6" of ice water.
now, a lot of our stuff has made it into our basement. oh, yeah, there's a lot more to go, but we're getting there. we still have a lot of going through, and organizing to do (if only i had a few thousand dollars for shelving, i would have library stacks in my basement!)
anywho...
26 February 2007
Happy Birthday Hubby
my man turned 33 this weekend.
we kept it quiet, just family (mine, that is - - his are still down south, coming up next week) and simple.
one of the things i realized that i didn't manage to move to the new house yet - - birthday candles. he had to blow out a tea light. how abysmal. it didn't exactly ruin the made-from-scratch yellow cake, but it definitely dimmed my mood. he laughed at it.
that's really the difference between the two of us - - the biggest one anyway - - ok, apart from the boy/girl thing. he's really good at letting the little things slide. me, not so much. in this light, it sounds great, and was really relieving. sometimes it doesn't happen that way. i'm not tallying or anything, but i expect that by the time we're dead, it will all balance out.
oh and i have a giant pimple working its evil way to monstrosity between my upper lip and my nose. meh.
it's ok, i guess. it's monday - - no one expects great things on monday.
besides, if i'm honest with myself, it doesn't really matter, and i'm entirely capable of being happy in spite of it all.
we kept it quiet, just family (mine, that is - - his are still down south, coming up next week) and simple.
one of the things i realized that i didn't manage to move to the new house yet - - birthday candles. he had to blow out a tea light. how abysmal. it didn't exactly ruin the made-from-scratch yellow cake, but it definitely dimmed my mood. he laughed at it.
that's really the difference between the two of us - - the biggest one anyway - - ok, apart from the boy/girl thing. he's really good at letting the little things slide. me, not so much. in this light, it sounds great, and was really relieving. sometimes it doesn't happen that way. i'm not tallying or anything, but i expect that by the time we're dead, it will all balance out.
oh and i have a giant pimple working its evil way to monstrosity between my upper lip and my nose. meh.
it's ok, i guess. it's monday - - no one expects great things on monday.
besides, if i'm honest with myself, it doesn't really matter, and i'm entirely capable of being happy in spite of it all.
22 February 2007
diagnosing happiness
how do you know you're happy?
what makes it easy for you to see?
used to be I'd borrow a comment from the bare naked ladies and say I was like a cat, and happy made me fat. but i don't want to be that girl anymore.
for me the image of happy is easily bounding up the stairs,
or running along the beach with my daughter,
the idea of happy is being able to shop for new clothes without being depressed
it's the notion of looking forward to getting some sun on a beach vacation
and NOT worrying about me, on the beach, in a swim suit.
the action of happy is laughter and play - -
with my daughter, with my husband.
it's the actual consideration of feeling as sexy as my husband says i am.
it's dancing without getting winded,
and being active without feeling like throwing up.
i have joy in my life, don't get me wrong.
on average i would rate myself as content...
sure i go through the everyday stresses of bill paying and house keeping, and work issues, and family crap, and the state of affairs with the state, and the world - - -
- - but - -
there's so VERY much for me to be grateful for -
my health, and my husband, and my daughter, and my parents, and my friends, and my cat, and my car, and my new house, and my job (even if they DO make me batty sometimes)
when i look at the big picture, those those other things, those stresses and worries can't possibly get me down.
it's just that i have to remind myself
- - diagnose the happiness - -
and move on through the rough patches.
what makes it easy for you to see?
used to be I'd borrow a comment from the bare naked ladies and say I was like a cat, and happy made me fat. but i don't want to be that girl anymore.
for me the image of happy is easily bounding up the stairs,
or running along the beach with my daughter,
the idea of happy is being able to shop for new clothes without being depressed
it's the notion of looking forward to getting some sun on a beach vacation
and NOT worrying about me, on the beach, in a swim suit.
the action of happy is laughter and play - -
with my daughter, with my husband.
it's the actual consideration of feeling as sexy as my husband says i am.
it's dancing without getting winded,
and being active without feeling like throwing up.
i have joy in my life, don't get me wrong.
on average i would rate myself as content...
sure i go through the everyday stresses of bill paying and house keeping, and work issues, and family crap, and the state of affairs with the state, and the world - - -
- - but - -
there's so VERY much for me to be grateful for -
my health, and my husband, and my daughter, and my parents, and my friends, and my cat, and my car, and my new house, and my job (even if they DO make me batty sometimes)
when i look at the big picture, those those other things, those stresses and worries can't possibly get me down.
it's just that i have to remind myself
- - diagnose the happiness - -
and move on through the rough patches.
21 February 2007
Monsters
when i was little, i was afraid of the 'shadow/closet' monsters. intellectually, i knew they were imaginary, but it didn't stop me from making sure that the closets were closed before the lights went off (i still do this) and that the hallway light was on every night when i went to bed. oh, and on the nights that the monsters were particularly active, i was sure to be still and silent, so as not to tip them off to my actually being there.
when i got older, i learned about the monsters out there who want to take pieces of you to make themselves feel good; the snotty kids who somewhere along the line learned that putting other folks down makes you feel bigger; the 'grown ups' who thought, i guess, that because you were a little girl, you couldn't say no, and that when you did, it didn't mean anything anyway. i learned about the 'power' monsters, i guess.
older still, and i learned about the 'stranger' monsters; the people who could choose you as the object of their desire or hatred or murderous desire and take your life without thinking twice. fortunately i didn't learn about them first hand, at least not really.
now, older again, with a family, these monsters are everywhere - - on the side of the road waiting for my gentle hearted husband who wants to help folks. in the shops and on the streets near where we live, waiting for my daughter to be alone or just vulnerable.
i'm haunted every day by these monsters - - they don't even wait until dark, and they certainly don't play by the rules. i work hard to keep myself vigilant, educated, informed... and i'm definitely keeping the light on.
when i got older, i learned about the monsters out there who want to take pieces of you to make themselves feel good; the snotty kids who somewhere along the line learned that putting other folks down makes you feel bigger; the 'grown ups' who thought, i guess, that because you were a little girl, you couldn't say no, and that when you did, it didn't mean anything anyway. i learned about the 'power' monsters, i guess.
older still, and i learned about the 'stranger' monsters; the people who could choose you as the object of their desire or hatred or murderous desire and take your life without thinking twice. fortunately i didn't learn about them first hand, at least not really.
now, older again, with a family, these monsters are everywhere - - on the side of the road waiting for my gentle hearted husband who wants to help folks. in the shops and on the streets near where we live, waiting for my daughter to be alone or just vulnerable.
i'm haunted every day by these monsters - - they don't even wait until dark, and they certainly don't play by the rules. i work hard to keep myself vigilant, educated, informed... and i'm definitely keeping the light on.
13 February 2007
giddy up
i just got valentine's day roses from my husband
te he
brilliant man. he had them sent today instead of tomorrow (because my plans are to visit him for lunch tomorrow - - or at least were - - the weather is threatening to be deep white by then).
you see, the folks at my flower shop - - no matter how much you beg - - won't deliver before noon when you're going to only be at the office until noon. today, the flowers arrived before 11.
beautiful white roses - - to match the snow!!!
i'm on my second page of February in my scrappy journal
i was late for work this morning
i finished my husband's valentine's day gift last night. the baby almost gave it away. she doesn't understand secrets.
i have a hunger to be creative lately... like i want a studio hungry. though i need a studio with a corner for the baby - - she was itchy to 'help" yesterday.
i'm still working on the menu for dinner tomorrow...
te he
brilliant man. he had them sent today instead of tomorrow (because my plans are to visit him for lunch tomorrow - - or at least were - - the weather is threatening to be deep white by then).
you see, the folks at my flower shop - - no matter how much you beg - - won't deliver before noon when you're going to only be at the office until noon. today, the flowers arrived before 11.
beautiful white roses - - to match the snow!!!
i'm on my second page of February in my scrappy journal
i was late for work this morning
i finished my husband's valentine's day gift last night. the baby almost gave it away. she doesn't understand secrets.
i have a hunger to be creative lately... like i want a studio hungry. though i need a studio with a corner for the baby - - she was itchy to 'help" yesterday.
i'm still working on the menu for dinner tomorrow...
12 February 2007
slowly she turns...
she being the house.
i don't know if it's male or female - - it might actually be one of the first neuters among my collection of stuff.
at any rate, we spent the weekend getting some big steps closer to having all of the flooring project done. the floor that wasn't done is now done: the gap between the dining and living rooms, and the gap between the dining room and kitchen (a very gappy dining room!) are filled in with flooring. the last row of the living room (and the landing at the bottom of the stairs and the coat closet too) is done. all that's left are two thresholds (study and basement stairs) and the baseboards (play room and kitchen) and the quarter round molding. and we seem to have fixed the leak under the kitchen sink.
ok enough of that
we have snow falling and more coming (tomorrow afternoon? evening - night...) it's pretty. i love watching it. it's sad that it might put an end to a pending visit from friends. it's woeful that i'll likely have to battle the idiots who forget, every year, how to drive in it on my way too and from work.
my cousin had her baby this weekend, i didn't get to see them at the hospital, and i'm loathe to put my own baby in the car and drive through the muck to go visit, but i really want to see the little one, and so does my daughter. we'll see.
i have a headache today and don't even really want to write, let alone drive.
yeah, we'll see.
i don't know if it's male or female - - it might actually be one of the first neuters among my collection of stuff.
at any rate, we spent the weekend getting some big steps closer to having all of the flooring project done. the floor that wasn't done is now done: the gap between the dining and living rooms, and the gap between the dining room and kitchen (a very gappy dining room!) are filled in with flooring. the last row of the living room (and the landing at the bottom of the stairs and the coat closet too) is done. all that's left are two thresholds (study and basement stairs) and the baseboards (play room and kitchen) and the quarter round molding. and we seem to have fixed the leak under the kitchen sink.
ok enough of that
we have snow falling and more coming (tomorrow afternoon? evening - night...) it's pretty. i love watching it. it's sad that it might put an end to a pending visit from friends. it's woeful that i'll likely have to battle the idiots who forget, every year, how to drive in it on my way too and from work.
my cousin had her baby this weekend, i didn't get to see them at the hospital, and i'm loathe to put my own baby in the car and drive through the muck to go visit, but i really want to see the little one, and so does my daughter. we'll see.
i have a headache today and don't even really want to write, let alone drive.
yeah, we'll see.
09 February 2007
for pete's sake...
:::UPDATE:::
as an aside, streaming on my computer is not an option - - the company i work for has blocked all streaming audio and video ...
no matter which of my radio stations i choose, i get sketchy reception... like, ok, you have to do ballet AND yoga at the same time if you want to be in the right position to encourage proper reception of this radio station.
the ugliest bit is that if i wanted to get one of the hip hop, top 40, or (shudder) country stations, all i'd have to do is turn the dial just a little.
for NPR (the addiction still rages) or WRCJ, i'm sticking magnetic bendy men to the antenna and practicing all sorts of contortionism.
my sweater - - as soft as it is - - is making my throat itch.
i didn't sleep very well last night.
i walked into the office to more "while you were out" requests.
all of my photos of the day (lately) have been of my daughter, and i won't post her here.
still - - i'm really focusing on happy thoughts. According to Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain i should be able to use cognitive techniques to keep myself from getting grumpy about all the silly little crap that causes momentary pleh in my life, and mood. i haven't read the book yet, (i heard it on NPR) but it is definitely on my list.
and soon i'm off to another mind-numbing meeting where i'm going to be expected to stun and wow people with my curent list of working on, to do, and done... and truth be told - - it's not stunning. sigh.
i'm going to scarf down some oatmeal and diet coke breakfast now
as an aside, streaming on my computer is not an option - - the company i work for has blocked all streaming audio and video ...
no matter which of my radio stations i choose, i get sketchy reception... like, ok, you have to do ballet AND yoga at the same time if you want to be in the right position to encourage proper reception of this radio station.
the ugliest bit is that if i wanted to get one of the hip hop, top 40, or (shudder) country stations, all i'd have to do is turn the dial just a little.
for NPR (the addiction still rages) or WRCJ, i'm sticking magnetic bendy men to the antenna and practicing all sorts of contortionism.
my sweater - - as soft as it is - - is making my throat itch.
i didn't sleep very well last night.
i walked into the office to more "while you were out" requests.
all of my photos of the day (lately) have been of my daughter, and i won't post her here.
still - - i'm really focusing on happy thoughts. According to Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain i should be able to use cognitive techniques to keep myself from getting grumpy about all the silly little crap that causes momentary pleh in my life, and mood. i haven't read the book yet, (i heard it on NPR) but it is definitely on my list.
and soon i'm off to another mind-numbing meeting where i'm going to be expected to stun and wow people with my curent list of working on, to do, and done... and truth be told - - it's not stunning. sigh.
i'm going to scarf down some oatmeal and diet coke breakfast now
06 February 2007
a bit of good news
i got the results from Ghengis' bloodwork today. all levels are very good - - particularly for cat of 13. a lucky year?
tomorrow we start the new insulin.
deep freeze day two
this morning my car informed me that it was only -1 degree.
apparently mother nature has decided to thaw us out some.
the kids are still home from school, most of them, and with them a lot of their parents. i don't mind, i've always liked things to be quiet around here.
i've decided to take the advice of the folks at CRAFT magazine (a birthday gift from my man) and journal my Moleskine (also a gift from my man, that until the CRAFT gift, went pristinely untouched). January is pathetic, just so you know. it's ok. i've never done anything LIKE scrapping (unless you count pathetic attempts at card making) before, and i'm cutting myself some slack. it helps that it's a journal - - MY journal - - and so i have no real intention for anyone to read it anyway.
the inspiration was also in part due to the fact that if i end up like Lewis Libby and have to testify, i need stuff down in writing - - my short term memory hasn't been this bad since i was pregnant.
i'm reading a lot of absolute pulp lately. i blame it on Suzanne at Dear Reader . she's wonderful, but she's also wonderful at feeding me just obscene amounts of horror fiction - - one of my greatest downfalls. i mean seriously - - this is from the mom who really doesn't have time to read, but steals it... and for what??? crap horror. still, everyone needs a guilty pleasure, and this, for now, is mine. (looking for a link i just realised that Guilty Pleasure(s) is a UK dance band, and now i'm perilously close to having a listen, just to see...)
my daughter says she misses me. every day when i come home from work. this so makes me smile... that sad mom smile that i suppose i'm now at the beginning of the perfection-journey on. she's also started telling me not to be a 'mean mama' when i disallow things, or scold her for others. i expect this is the precursor to the much feared "I hate you!" moment that i know is coming but am loathe to experience.
off to count my blessings...
apparently mother nature has decided to thaw us out some.
the kids are still home from school, most of them, and with them a lot of their parents. i don't mind, i've always liked things to be quiet around here.
i've decided to take the advice of the folks at CRAFT magazine (a birthday gift from my man) and journal my Moleskine (also a gift from my man, that until the CRAFT gift, went pristinely untouched). January is pathetic, just so you know. it's ok. i've never done anything LIKE scrapping (unless you count pathetic attempts at card making) before, and i'm cutting myself some slack. it helps that it's a journal - - MY journal - - and so i have no real intention for anyone to read it anyway.
the inspiration was also in part due to the fact that if i end up like Lewis Libby and have to testify, i need stuff down in writing - - my short term memory hasn't been this bad since i was pregnant.
i'm reading a lot of absolute pulp lately. i blame it on Suzanne at Dear Reader . she's wonderful, but she's also wonderful at feeding me just obscene amounts of horror fiction - - one of my greatest downfalls. i mean seriously - - this is from the mom who really doesn't have time to read, but steals it... and for what??? crap horror. still, everyone needs a guilty pleasure, and this, for now, is mine. (looking for a link i just realised that Guilty Pleasure(s) is a UK dance band, and now i'm perilously close to having a listen, just to see...)
my daughter says she misses me. every day when i come home from work. this so makes me smile... that sad mom smile that i suppose i'm now at the beginning of the perfection-journey on. she's also started telling me not to be a 'mean mama' when i disallow things, or scold her for others. i expect this is the precursor to the much feared "I hate you!" moment that i know is coming but am loathe to experience.
off to count my blessings...
05 February 2007
photo catch up
friday 02.02
all the red in my office
saturday 02.03
my snow boots - - ready for battle
sunday 02.04
orange manatee
all the red in my office
saturday 02.03
my snow boots - - ready for battle
sunday 02.04
orange manatee
sub zero
current temp is -1 degree f.
it used to be -5 (like this morning when i had to trek out to my car to get in to the office)
half of my team is out today
- - husbands with pneumonia
- - school closings
- - i'd rather not trudge my sorry self through sub-zero temperatures to go to work
over the weekend the part of our water line that goes to the laundry room and out to the hose connection on the addition froze up. i'm not sure if it's because of the hose spigot or because of the significant lack of insulation between the outside wall and the water line in the addition part of the house. regardless, my dad spent the better part of 4 or 5 hours thawing the pipe yesterday. today the laundry room faucet is left at a 'better-than-a trickle-but-not-full-out-run" while i work. on the way home i'm depot (or lowes) bound to collect a heating cable, some pipe insulation, some house insulation, and a boot cover for the outside faucet. it will probably set me back a few dollars, but I adamantly refuse to have this happen again.
it also got me to thinking about the blanket that is not on the hot water heater, the window film that is still in boxes, and the gazillion other things that i should be doing to winter-proof my house (for the next two months or so).
for now, though, i'm going to tend to some work and my headache.
it used to be -5 (like this morning when i had to trek out to my car to get in to the office)
half of my team is out today
- - husbands with pneumonia
- - school closings
- - i'd rather not trudge my sorry self through sub-zero temperatures to go to work
over the weekend the part of our water line that goes to the laundry room and out to the hose connection on the addition froze up. i'm not sure if it's because of the hose spigot or because of the significant lack of insulation between the outside wall and the water line in the addition part of the house. regardless, my dad spent the better part of 4 or 5 hours thawing the pipe yesterday. today the laundry room faucet is left at a 'better-than-a trickle-but-not-full-out-run" while i work. on the way home i'm depot (or lowes) bound to collect a heating cable, some pipe insulation, some house insulation, and a boot cover for the outside faucet. it will probably set me back a few dollars, but I adamantly refuse to have this happen again.
it also got me to thinking about the blanket that is not on the hot water heater, the window film that is still in boxes, and the gazillion other things that i should be doing to winter-proof my house (for the next two months or so).
for now, though, i'm going to tend to some work and my headache.
01 February 2007
p.o.d.
perhaps, inspired by my Francey Pants, i have decided to post (or at least attempt to) a photo of the day for each and every day of Febraury.
perhaps, it is in honor of a month of red and whatnot.
2.1.07 - corporate landscape
Go-RED!
tomorrow - Feb 2 - Groundhog day - is the American Heart Association's National Wear Red Day - - a part of their Go Red for Women campaign highlighting the little regarded fact that heart disease is the number one killer of women in the U.S. yes, i'm wearing red - - i may actually join a friend of mine in wearing red every day this month - as a tribute. heart disease has affected my family in woeful ways, and i (for one) won't go down without a fight!
in other news:
- - the kitchen plumbing is complying, now, with our wishes. dishes are clean and comfort has returned to Earthburg
- - groceries are far too expensive. though currently interesting fodder for internal economical debate. recently i groused (possibly somewhat excessively) about a gas and electric bill of more than $350 for the month. i spent nearly that on groceries last night... groceries that will last us, more or less, for the month. i'm struggling with that whole battle of which of the basic needs is more basic and truth be told, i GUESS if i'm going to pay as much to feed us as to keep us warm, i should call it a draw and be quiet.
we're still going to be doing some MAJOR weather-proofing this spring and summer.
- - i'm cold. almost achingly so. it's supposed to top out at 9 degrees (yes, Fahrenheit) on Sunday.
i'm a bit put out by this - - i mean, haven't i been lobbying for winter and all her prettiness for the last who cares how long? the least she could do is cut me some slack and be pretty AND warm. i think i sound like a handful of the guys i knew when i was in college. i should be quiet now.
so - yeah - - exercise, eat well, and wear red... in honor of a woman you love.
in other news:
- - the kitchen plumbing is complying, now, with our wishes. dishes are clean and comfort has returned to Earthburg
- - groceries are far too expensive. though currently interesting fodder for internal economical debate. recently i groused (possibly somewhat excessively) about a gas and electric bill of more than $350 for the month. i spent nearly that on groceries last night... groceries that will last us, more or less, for the month. i'm struggling with that whole battle of which of the basic needs is more basic and truth be told, i GUESS if i'm going to pay as much to feed us as to keep us warm, i should call it a draw and be quiet.
we're still going to be doing some MAJOR weather-proofing this spring and summer.
- - i'm cold. almost achingly so. it's supposed to top out at 9 degrees (yes, Fahrenheit) on Sunday.
i'm a bit put out by this - - i mean, haven't i been lobbying for winter and all her prettiness for the last who cares how long? the least she could do is cut me some slack and be pretty AND warm. i think i sound like a handful of the guys i knew when i was in college. i should be quiet now.
so - yeah - - exercise, eat well, and wear red... in honor of a woman you love.
30 January 2007
gruntled - - and not
plumbing be damned
EVERY time it feels like we have the worst behind us, something else comes up and bites us in the collective ass. it's enough to make me consider digging an outhouse.
ok, not really, but close.
focus factor
i'm having a very difficult time keeping my head down and getting work done. nothing seems to want to make sense right now - - like what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, who - exactly - it's for...
rock star salamander
i have, however, at work just completed a project on which i am listed as a co-creator. it's a tool for other employees to use to make their jobs happier, easier, more meaningful. it is EXACTLY the kind of work i love doing here, and thus far, it's been extremely well received.
backyardigans bliss
my daughter is starting to catch on that the backyardigans are cool. they are, by far, my favorite kids show right now and it's nice that we can enjoy together. i'm thinking of getting us a few cd's for house-keeping days.
snow
it's actually, finally, pretty-winter here in michigan. the snow flies nearly every day and the yards and rooftops are all a wonderful marshmallowey white. as a bonus, the road folks (at least in wayne county) are doing a great job of keeping one step ahead, so i get to see pretty snow, and still have a relatively decent (and safe) drive.
and for now, that's a wrap (i want to stop while there is more green than red!)
happy tuesday
EVERY time it feels like we have the worst behind us, something else comes up and bites us in the collective ass. it's enough to make me consider digging an outhouse.
ok, not really, but close.
focus factor
i'm having a very difficult time keeping my head down and getting work done. nothing seems to want to make sense right now - - like what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, who - exactly - it's for...
rock star salamander
i have, however, at work just completed a project on which i am listed as a co-creator. it's a tool for other employees to use to make their jobs happier, easier, more meaningful. it is EXACTLY the kind of work i love doing here, and thus far, it's been extremely well received.
backyardigans bliss
my daughter is starting to catch on that the backyardigans are cool. they are, by far, my favorite kids show right now and it's nice that we can enjoy together. i'm thinking of getting us a few cd's for house-keeping days.
snow
it's actually, finally, pretty-winter here in michigan. the snow flies nearly every day and the yards and rooftops are all a wonderful marshmallowey white. as a bonus, the road folks (at least in wayne county) are doing a great job of keeping one step ahead, so i get to see pretty snow, and still have a relatively decent (and safe) drive.
and for now, that's a wrap (i want to stop while there is more green than red!)
happy tuesday
29 January 2007
Noise and Sloth
saturday was belated Christmas (and just before that a lot of furniture moving - - no, not around, IN). it looks nice and feels cozy, if just a little bit smaller than i had expected, but that's mostly because we have two larger sized comfy chairs that we'd never had before (quite frankly never could have had before) which provide ample room for loud guests.
they were loud guests i was happy to have... family (extended) that i just absolutely love and always have and likely always will. the baby had a great time visiting with cousins near her own age, and well, i think even my husband enjoyed the visit - - which was a boon to me. though i think that possibly the home made loaded baked potato soup may have had as much to do with his enjoyment of the afternoon as anything else. this said, i think i may make more soup. i like making my husband that kind of content.
the evening and most of yesterday were spent in the land of Spira (a world, i have just discovered, of the Final Fantasy video game). it was nice. it's definitely my speed for a video game, and though i didn't play (which i seldom do - - i have enough trouble controlling my OWN actions, thank you!) i had a lot of fun. apart from the baby, we kind of 'batched' it for food and whatnot through the day - - also cool, keeping the pressure off my having to cook. we interspersed our game play with looking out the window at the softly falling snow, snuggles with the cat, and baby's nap time. it was a really lovely comfy cozy wintery waste of a day.
they were loud guests i was happy to have... family (extended) that i just absolutely love and always have and likely always will. the baby had a great time visiting with cousins near her own age, and well, i think even my husband enjoyed the visit - - which was a boon to me. though i think that possibly the home made loaded baked potato soup may have had as much to do with his enjoyment of the afternoon as anything else. this said, i think i may make more soup. i like making my husband that kind of content.
the evening and most of yesterday were spent in the land of Spira (a world, i have just discovered, of the Final Fantasy video game). it was nice. it's definitely my speed for a video game, and though i didn't play (which i seldom do - - i have enough trouble controlling my OWN actions, thank you!) i had a lot of fun. apart from the baby, we kind of 'batched' it for food and whatnot through the day - - also cool, keeping the pressure off my having to cook. we interspersed our game play with looking out the window at the softly falling snow, snuggles with the cat, and baby's nap time. it was a really lovely comfy cozy wintery waste of a day.
25 January 2007
zombie song
ooh i know how the zombie's feel
limping and aching dragging their legs behind them
check out laminate floor installers
that's probably where you'll find them
mom and i did about 68% of our living room floor last night (my husband and i having completed the first 30% and the remaining 2% being just too much at the end of the day yesterday).
yes, it's beautiful.
i'm still not convinced it's beautiful enough for me to feel like this.
from the middle of the backs of my thighs all the way up to my shoulders
plus ankles and wrists
all a train wreck.
i want muscle relaxers and i want them now
and i have to wait
in other news:
- - my friend Tup translated a ridiculously warped dream i had so beautifully, and exactly spot on, that I almost wept when i read her e-mail (though over tea and in front of a fire would have been such a nicer way - - ah distance, evil manipulator of things that would be better if...)
- - my friend sb's dad passed away after a prolonged bout with the big C
- - according to the website, my local Target store now has the last of the curtain panels i need for my living room in stock... and even if they don't i can now purchase it on line. phew.
- - Christmas returns to my house this weekend, as aunts and cousins and my family are all finally healthy and fit for visiting
- - i got an enormous pat on the back this morning for being an excel wizard
- - i have come to terms with the fact that i am not really eligible for library books, at present, as i have a 2+ year old and not enough time to read
limping and aching dragging their legs behind them
check out laminate floor installers
that's probably where you'll find them
mom and i did about 68% of our living room floor last night (my husband and i having completed the first 30% and the remaining 2% being just too much at the end of the day yesterday).
yes, it's beautiful.
i'm still not convinced it's beautiful enough for me to feel like this.
from the middle of the backs of my thighs all the way up to my shoulders
plus ankles and wrists
all a train wreck.
i want muscle relaxers and i want them now
and i have to wait
in other news:
- - my friend Tup translated a ridiculously warped dream i had so beautifully, and exactly spot on, that I almost wept when i read her e-mail (though over tea and in front of a fire would have been such a nicer way - - ah distance, evil manipulator of things that would be better if...)
- - my friend sb's dad passed away after a prolonged bout with the big C
- - according to the website, my local Target store now has the last of the curtain panels i need for my living room in stock... and even if they don't i can now purchase it on line. phew.
- - Christmas returns to my house this weekend, as aunts and cousins and my family are all finally healthy and fit for visiting
- - i got an enormous pat on the back this morning for being an excel wizard
- - i have come to terms with the fact that i am not really eligible for library books, at present, as i have a 2+ year old and not enough time to read
23 January 2007
Natal
today is not Friday.
it is, however, my birthday (38) and i am celebrating by taking a half day home from the office (which means i leave at 11 - - my worm, i suppose, for being an early bird) and spending some quality time with my daughter and mom... then, later, having dinner with my husband and daughter and mom. really, we don't make much ado of birthdays on the whole, but it's especially nice to do the things one especially wants to do in celebration of a day one really had very little to do with in the first place.
i'm in the office because the people here (myself included, i suppose) like to wish our office-mates a happy day before sending them off to have a pleasant afternoon.
if i were head of an office somewhere, it would be a given fact that employees would be entitled to a paid half day off, on their birthdays... it's only right. of course, as i've noted before, if i had an office somewhere, it likely wouldn't be profitable enough to have employees, nor stay open for more than a year. but i'd be a really good boss.
the weather-folk are also doing me the favor of predicting lots of lovely snow showers with no real accumulation this afternoon... that means i have the joy of watching the snow fall, and the double bonus of not having to drive in muck.
if someone hands me a red balloon, my day will be made.
it is, however, my birthday (38) and i am celebrating by taking a half day home from the office (which means i leave at 11 - - my worm, i suppose, for being an early bird) and spending some quality time with my daughter and mom... then, later, having dinner with my husband and daughter and mom. really, we don't make much ado of birthdays on the whole, but it's especially nice to do the things one especially wants to do in celebration of a day one really had very little to do with in the first place.
i'm in the office because the people here (myself included, i suppose) like to wish our office-mates a happy day before sending them off to have a pleasant afternoon.
if i were head of an office somewhere, it would be a given fact that employees would be entitled to a paid half day off, on their birthdays... it's only right. of course, as i've noted before, if i had an office somewhere, it likely wouldn't be profitable enough to have employees, nor stay open for more than a year. but i'd be a really good boss.
the weather-folk are also doing me the favor of predicting lots of lovely snow showers with no real accumulation this afternoon... that means i have the joy of watching the snow fall, and the double bonus of not having to drive in muck.
if someone hands me a red balloon, my day will be made.
17 January 2007
one step closer...
we can use the toilets, tub, and bathroom sink now. finally.
on Monday my husband called the sewer line cleaner folks and they took care of the problem - just like that.
work has posed a couple of interesting / challenging requests lately. i'm always grateful for something new and fun and mentally taxing enough to keep me from rummaging through empty offices for pens and other office supplies to pilfer.
i'm a week away from 38. it's kind of funny because for the past 6 months or so i've been having to remind myself that i'm still only 37, and that 40 really is farther away than that. which is a really good thing, because the baby will be in school by the time i'm 40, and i'm not ready for that just yet.
it's cold and beautiful outside (not right now, because it's still dark, and will be for a while to come, but when the sun shines on the ice on the trees - - v. pretty)
work and diet coke beckon.
on Monday my husband called the sewer line cleaner folks and they took care of the problem - just like that.
work has posed a couple of interesting / challenging requests lately. i'm always grateful for something new and fun and mentally taxing enough to keep me from rummaging through empty offices for pens and other office supplies to pilfer.
i'm a week away from 38. it's kind of funny because for the past 6 months or so i've been having to remind myself that i'm still only 37, and that 40 really is farther away than that. which is a really good thing, because the baby will be in school by the time i'm 40, and i'm not ready for that just yet.
it's cold and beautiful outside (not right now, because it's still dark, and will be for a while to come, but when the sun shines on the ice on the trees - - v. pretty)
work and diet coke beckon.
11 January 2007
Missing - -
these are people i miss:
from college
Kerri W; Tod M; (and even Todd H); Anna F; Sara Peanut; Jennifer G; Eric P
some of the most amazing minds - - some of the folks who REALLY brought who I am to life.
from high school
Becky S; Brian M; Krysti S; Joe M; Luke P
from the world at large
Jackie G; Kerry G; Vincent W
from the people i've never met but feel i've known all my life
Francey Pants
Special K (Kieran)
it's amazing, really, how folks affect me. amazing to me anyway. each of the names on this list represents a piece of me (nod to Jewel) that i cherish... probably pieces of me that i'm working on finding while i extricate myself from this slump.
meanwhile the fax machine buzzes and chirps, the classical music wafts like the scent of fresh baked cookies, and the dawning day calls me out to face it...
from college
Kerri W; Tod M; (and even Todd H); Anna F; Sara Peanut; Jennifer G; Eric P
some of the most amazing minds - - some of the folks who REALLY brought who I am to life.
from high school
Becky S; Brian M; Krysti S; Joe M; Luke P
from the world at large
Jackie G; Kerry G; Vincent W
from the people i've never met but feel i've known all my life
Francey Pants
Special K (Kieran)
it's amazing, really, how folks affect me. amazing to me anyway. each of the names on this list represents a piece of me (nod to Jewel) that i cherish... probably pieces of me that i'm working on finding while i extricate myself from this slump.
meanwhile the fax machine buzzes and chirps, the classical music wafts like the scent of fresh baked cookies, and the dawning day calls me out to face it...
10 January 2007
And Nothing But...
the truth of the matter is, i've been too grumpy to write anything worth reading.
for the past week or so, i've just been a wretched mess of bad mood and irritability. quite honestly, i don't like me very much, and haven't for a while. the littlest things set me off, and while i immediately regret my grouchiness, the bottom line is that it doesn't undo the fact that i was a turd to begin with.
i've been trying all of my tricks:
- - counting to ten
- - breathing
- - focusing on the beauty
- - looking for the innocence of the moment
and i'm more or less coming up empty. the only time lately that i'm not making people (and myself) miserable, is when i'm alone (then it's just me who suffers).
my daughter helps - immeasurably - by reminding me that she loves me. she does this by telling me "mama, i SOOO love you" which, really, should be all the cure i need - - and yet, here iam, a half-done ham, waiting for some external cloud to lift and the happiness to come flooding in.
i KNOW that the only way for me to shake this is to find the peace within, to be motivated by it, and to never let the zeros get me down.
maybe i need a mini-retreat...
for the past week or so, i've just been a wretched mess of bad mood and irritability. quite honestly, i don't like me very much, and haven't for a while. the littlest things set me off, and while i immediately regret my grouchiness, the bottom line is that it doesn't undo the fact that i was a turd to begin with.
i've been trying all of my tricks:
- - counting to ten
- - breathing
- - focusing on the beauty
- - looking for the innocence of the moment
and i'm more or less coming up empty. the only time lately that i'm not making people (and myself) miserable, is when i'm alone (then it's just me who suffers).
my daughter helps - immeasurably - by reminding me that she loves me. she does this by telling me "mama, i SOOO love you" which, really, should be all the cure i need - - and yet, here iam, a half-done ham, waiting for some external cloud to lift and the happiness to come flooding in.
i KNOW that the only way for me to shake this is to find the peace within, to be motivated by it, and to never let the zeros get me down.
maybe i need a mini-retreat...
04 January 2007
We Now Return to Scheduled Programming...
christmas week
- plague-ridden, loud toys, the christmas deer, and comfy new pajamas
this past week
- plague-ridden, recovering, everything but the bathroom sink and a can opener
this past tuesday
- pot hole -slash- gateway to hell ate my driver's side front tire, and 'did a number' on the rear tire, the baby's recollection of it unnerves me, it shouldn't have been so traumatic as to be something she's still talking about
today
- i'm trying to decide what i can eat that will satisfy my hunger, help me get healthy, and not destroy my daily calorie count - - chicken broth soup comes to mind, but turns my stomach - - sigh - - cheese and almonds sounds so good.
- oh yeah, and work, of course
tonight
- baby shower shopping (and wrapping?) , a dozen eggs and cool whip, and hopefully a couple pairs of socks - - if i have the time to do all this AND make dinner
right now
cheese and almonds
- plague-ridden, loud toys, the christmas deer, and comfy new pajamas
this past week
- plague-ridden, recovering, everything but the bathroom sink and a can opener
this past tuesday
- pot hole -slash- gateway to hell ate my driver's side front tire, and 'did a number' on the rear tire, the baby's recollection of it unnerves me, it shouldn't have been so traumatic as to be something she's still talking about
today
- i'm trying to decide what i can eat that will satisfy my hunger, help me get healthy, and not destroy my daily calorie count - - chicken broth soup comes to mind, but turns my stomach - - sigh - - cheese and almonds sounds so good.
- oh yeah, and work, of course
tonight
- baby shower shopping (and wrapping?) , a dozen eggs and cool whip, and hopefully a couple pairs of socks - - if i have the time to do all this AND make dinner
right now
cheese and almonds
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