to the victor

...go the spoils

no... this isn't all she got, but it is definitely a version of it that makes me smile.

yes... my baby girl is a fan of Teletubbies, also of Sesame Street, and the story people from Boohbah as well (she's not all that interested in the boohbah's themselves). for her legal edification she occasionally watches Judge Judy, and from time to time in the evenings will study the whatnot and whoosie of American Justice and City Confidential on A&E.

she also likes ducks. so does her mother.

post holiday putty

Remember the really cool photo of the rather unorthodox Christmas tree? This is what that space looks like without it there - - - this is what that space looks like now.

I absolutely shudder to think of how bland, naked, boring... pedestrian everything seems when it's not decorated.

I've decided that I'm going to invest the random Target giftcards i've received in the purchase of a very nice 11x14 frame and some matboard so that I can properly decorate the wall of bland with my daughter's "artwork".

5 down

i started seriously dieting on December 12th... about two weeks before Christmas.

my best present to myself - through the bulk of the season i have lost 5 pounds

my best present from my loving and supportive family - not a single one of them has said a thing about "water weight"

yes, we all know where the five pounds fell from, but the absolute act of love in not voicing it it priceless to me.

the most amusing part - for me at least - is that all through this holiday season, while faced with cookies, treats from vendors, cakes, and a plethora of other sweets... the only things i found myself CRAVING to the point of almost cheating were a McDonald's Big Mac and an order of deep fried cheese curds from A&W. i didn't succumb to either... at least not yet.

my ultimate goal is to lose another 65 pounds.
i hope that none of the clothes i got for Christmas this year will fit me at Christmas next year.
i'd like to be smaller than i was when i started working for this company
(or at least the same size)
i would really really really like to fall into the realm of the "average American woman" rather than several dress sizes above it
ha - i would really really really like to be the size that many people profess to think i am!
most of all, though, i would like to be a healthy weight that will help me keep up with my wonderful daughter, that will help me make it into my 40's, 50's and 60's with a healthier self, and that will help me feel like the woman I know I am

nagging reminders

for a short but very meaningful time i lived in England - a few hours out of London in a city called Norwich (pronounced Norrich - or Norridge if you're a long time local).

apart from missing my family and friends and the fact that I had to drive an hour (albeit a lovely country-road hour) to see my cat (quarrantine) a couple of times a week, it was a very happy time in my life. i met some really wonderful people - some of whom I still send Christmas cards - and lived a fairly peaceful (if sometimes challenging) life. it wasn't idyllic - what life REALLY is? - but it was pleasant, fun, friendly, and it suited me very well.

lately there have been reminders of England all around me. last night while watching the Food Network Gingerbread House Challenge there was a commercial for some company offering up a Narnia sweepstakes to win a trip for 4 to London. one of the folks from another blog i stop in on now and again is spending her Christmas in London. even my company is focusing a lot of its attention on our UK operations in the coming year.

the thing is, i'm not really sure how it's making me feel.

for a long time after i came back, i was painfully "homesick".
for a few years after, i would find myself thinking of that home often and fondly, but not with the same longing.
it's been 10 years, now, and apart from the occasional reminder (and Christmas card) England has become mostly just another lovely country to put on the list of places i'd like my daughter to visit.
but lately with reminders and the sentimentality that is bred of holiday seasons, thoughts of England have been hitting me differently... with a definite hint of that long ago longing, and another hint of wonder...

i do know i'm leary of a visit for fear of finding myself once again miserable at the thought of leaving.

that's all... just my thoughts on it... incomplete as they are.

lifting my holiday spirits...

yesterday my husband asked me if anything wonderful had happened

it depends on how you define wonderful, I was thinking... if you mean full of wondering how the guy who had my job before me could have his head so far up his butt as to leave me a report so hackneyed that i couldn't possibly get meaningful data from it after working on the same report for no less than 12 hours over the course of 2 days, then yes, i indeed had a wonder-full day...

obviously that is not the type of wonderful my husband meant.

how do i know?

when i walked through the doors this morning, envious of the beautiful all white bouquet that was waiting at the security desk for some lucky girl, my security friends informed me that *I* was the lucky girl.

my loving husband, my dear M.T. had sent me a very spirited, completely white and green -
my A L L T I M E F A V O R I T E
- bouquet of:
* gerbera daisies,
* calla lilles,
* roses,
* Eastery looking lilies,
* a pretty flower that (much to my chagrin) i can't identify,
* some fluffly soft white stuff that looks something like a queen Anne's lace, but definitely isn't,
* baby's breath,
* and loads of long needled pine boughs
in a very pretty snowflake patterned vase!

it is exactly what i needed after yesterday's day of fiasco, and to help a slightly waning Christmas mood

i can't even tell you how wonderful (as in full of wonder that anything could lift my spirits after the day i had on wednesday) i feel

p.s. - it smells absolutely incredible in my office!

Tickety Boom

today is my dad's 60th birthday. i took him to a U of M game last month to celebrate... we both love the games... it was a nice surprise and a special treat. today, well, this morning, while he was still snoring away, i decorated the house (i.e. put up a scooby doo "happy birthday" banner) and left his "traditional" birthday gift on his chair.

my dad is really really bad about wrapping Christmas gifts. when i was younger, i used to do it for him - for extra cash. lately, though, my time has been scarce and i'm lucky to get my own gifts wrapped (more than half of my holiday giving this year is "wrapped" in holiday and seasonal themed lunch bags... and yes, i know how horrible that is, but i figured it's the last year before the baby REALLY notices how important the wrapping is and i should capitalize on it while i have the fleeting opportunity), and instead of tapping dad for a few spare bucks, every year, on his birthday, he gets a box (or in this case, 2) full of gift bags. this year i have added some adorable decorative boxes and a special treat of pretty little gift tags.

the first time i did it, i felt lame... that is until my dad's face lit up, knowing that he wouldn't be subjected to hours of back breaking gift wrapping. then i felt like a total rock star in the world of gifts. and my opinion is, if it works, let it work. so, every year now dad can hold off on much of his wrapping until after his birthday, and i have a safe, acceptable, and appreciated gift for my dad "in the bag"

happy birthday daddy...

Seasonal Update

decorating: done!

baking: 1 bread remaining

shopping: one stop left - this week - during the week

wrapping: fewer than 10 items remaining

visits: 1 confirmed, a few to plan

days of work left before Xmas: today + 2.5

days of work left in the year: today + 6.5

comfy hed weather

the color of a clear hed

blessed relief

my hedake has officially passed

what's uncanny to me is that the entire time we had sunshine and bright days, my head hurt. once it clouded over again, my head started feeling all normal again.

so maybe part of weather hed is just that i have a hard time with quick change weather... a deep storm in the middle of a beautifully sunny summer... a string of bright days in the middle of what's supposed to be the season of grey and snow.

no. i don't really believe that. i suspect part of my hed was stress, and part was possibly something wonky with the weather, and a big part was several nights of really piss-poor/interrupted sleep. it could also be the change in my diet (a concentrated and concerted effort to slim me down - yes, starting in the middle of the holidays) which also counts as a source of stress!

anywho... it's gone now... and i couldn't be happier. if only WNIC would stop playing Barry Manilow and i were somehow magically transported back home for the rest of the day!

crappity bleh

it snuck in on me yesterday afternoon.
it started out smallish, and easy enough to ignore, but by 3 i was ugly from it and by 4 almost passed out.
the Orudis helped for about an hour... maybe more, maybe 2. but right after it was back again. with a vengance.

i went to bed at 8:30 last night (the bath didn't help either) and got to sleep sometime after 10. i woke up again at 2 for another hour of trying to figure out how to make it stop. i think it was a matter of fatigue and the heating pad that got me back to sleep. and maybe the water.
it's almost 10 and i'm having a hard time concentrating. I have all but one light off in my office.

there's no fever, so i'm sure it's nothing crazy and lethal. it's just one of THOSE headaches... those debilitating headaches that make me desperately wish i had just one more sick day on the calendar... and no meetings scheduled for this afternoon.

it's not even a weather headache... it's 30.38 and rising.

today I am just broken.

as a point of comparison

what it looks like when not obscured by a gazillion little atmospheric invaders

part timer

Vacation time - not much of it - needed to be spent. So, rather than taking a couple of days, and being miserable the rest of them, I opted to have half day Fridays through the month of December.

As such I'm a once a week part-timer. I LOVE it. My only real worry about the whole thing was that I would end up hating having to drive all the way in, only to work halfway through the day and then make the long drive home (put it this way, my round trip commute is = 50% of my half day work day!)... but still, yep, I love it.

Random Thoughts = 12.16.05
Today, "after work", I'm going to stop off and have Elliott's oil changed.
This morning I had "breakfast chocolate - 50 calories of it!
Without external assistance tea has a "window of drinkability" of about 5 minutes.

1000 words

This is the view of downtown Detroit from Windsor this morning (note the date / time tag in the bottom right corner). Normally this webcam shows a bright and shining Renaissance Center.

The view down the hall and out the window of one of the hoo-hahs on my floor is remarkably similar. Usually at this time of day, looking out his window, I can see a stream of headlights and taillights from the cars going up and down the busy street that leads into the city of my workplace. Today, it's all grey. The whole outside is nothing but grey.

Admittedly, it's probably easier to see things in detail from one of the lower floors of my building (i work on 9), but HOH - LEE - COW!

have i ever mentioned that that is one of my favorite phrases in the whole world? If you happen to know how to say it - the words "holy cow" not the meaning behind the expression - in another language, I'd love it if you'd share. Please, though, spell it phoenetically (i.e. sock-rah-vahsh - phoenetic for sacre vache - french for sacred cow) so that I can figure out how to say it too.

in other news (ha!) my lips are SEVERELY chapped/cracking/miserable. I'm on a STRONG course of Neosporin LT (Lip Treatment) to see if it will help. I tried Carmex, it only burned.

barometer hed

yesterday afternoon it started getting really bad.
the headache grew from just my sinusey places to cover the back of my head. by evening, it had reached past my shoulders, down my back, and into my hips.

we have "weather" coming... and from the pain, i'd say a fairly decent amount of it. the forecast calls for a couple of inches of snow tonight and another 1 or 2 tomorrow. that feels about right.
just for the record, the worst weather headaches come from fast moving fronts... the ones that sneak up on us like anything.
i had one right after my daughter was born when a spring thunderstorm barreled through our county and others in record time... but man was it a doozie.
the other, and i think most horrible (though it could be just because of the timing), was Christmas Eve 2002. there was absolutely NO snow forecasted. we thought for sure it was going to be one of those miserable brown Christmases... after work that day (yes, I used to work on Christmas Eve - it was a half day) a few co-workers and i went out for a quick lunch before embarking on our more filial plans. by the time i left the restaurant my head was roaring. by the time i got home to get ready to go to my aunt's house, i was thinking i shouldn't. half way through dinner i had to go upstairs and have a lie down because everything was blurry. i left early that night... went home and soaked my head in a hot bath until the water got cold... went to bed, over medicated and in tears. i woke up at about 7 the next morning to no less than 5 inches of snow that had fallen between midnight and 4 in the morning... a regular DUMP of snow... a fast moving front.

not to say that it doesn't have its advantages. i CAN fairly accurately predict if we have "weather" coming, and usually how severe it will be.

in today's case, i knew before i heard the news that we could expect snow within 30 hours of the onset of my headache.

still... given the choice, i'd prefer to rely on the weatherman.

esoteric

it's how irefer to my insulated little life

i have a very small circle of friends - whom i rarely see because i prefer to stay home, close to the fireplace, and the stove on which i feel comfortable making hot cocoa, and my daughter and all her familiar toys and all her familar dangers.

i know (on a purely intellectual level) that it wouldn't hurt me - at all - to get out more, to do things, to have a good time with grownups.

but you know what? it doesn't hurt me - at all - to have friends come 'round, and do things, and have a good time with grownups, and my daughter.

i find myself, from time to time, feeling the pressure of external guilt that i don't want to do any of the 'fun' stuff that i used to.

i find myself feeling like i'm supposed to wish that i felt like going out for a drink, or to see a movie

(though i haven't ever really liked going OUT
to see movies because the big
screen and loud LOUD speakers and throngs of
strangers and even, yes even the
popcorn haven't nearly as much appeal as
being able to use the toilet without
interrupting a slew of strangers and
missing the best part (because it's ALWAYS
the best part) because of my
walnut sized bladder),

or out for a nice meal. like i'm less a person because these things don't hold the charm for me that hot dogs and bathtime with the baby do.

but i like my little world.
and until i'm pulled out of it like an unfortunate hermit crab, i'm going to stay for a while.
you're welcome to visit!

snowfix

for those of you who just can't get enough try the make a flake game from the folks at look and feel new media (on my list of kick butt companies)

um.

yeah - that's all

flannel sheets season

i've been holding out on putting the flannel sheets on my bed.

in the past i've jumped the gun, desperate for the soft cuddley feeling of sleepus hibernus without regard to the fact the sooner you flannel coat your bed, the weaker the impact when the weather turns really ugly cold.

i'm putting forth a concerted effort to wait until january before i sheathe the bed in the most comfortable bedclothes imaginable.

i was really tempted there for a while when we were having days of degrees under 20.

lucky for me the forecast is looking warmer for the next week or so anyway...

that's it for this morning.

i'm going to go catch some flakes

hed

one of the silly buggers on my office tree

for the record

This is my home-version of the holiday/Christmas tree.
See how pretty and traditional it is?
You should see it in person - it's glittery and glowey and all full of everything beautiful that the season should be... all captured in lovingly hung ornaments and twinkley lights.

I particularly like the red curtains in the back and the tinly little hand that's helping her daddy to put the topper (i.e. halo-less, wingless angel) on the tree.

** Note - mutilated angel is NOT any sort of religio-political statement, merely the sad side effects of a bad summer in storage.

Holiday Spirit

This is my office Christmas Tree.

It used to be my Halloween Tree.

Yes, I have received a LOT of commentary about the changing seasons and all the whatnot and hooplah.

I prefer to think of it more along the lines of being socially responsible and recycling/repurposing.

What you fortunately cannot discern from this photo is how amazingly ORANGE the tree still looks (in spite of the slew of sugarplum colored lights i almost killed myself stringing on the darned thing). The down side is that you also cannot see how charming the litthe snowman heads are all over it (because you can't see them).

I don't typically deocorate for Christmas in blue and white (perferring to leave some colors sacred for my Jewish friends) but my artistic sensibilities got the better of me and i decided that one way to offset the orange from Halloween would be to use the complementary blue...
My mom recommended going with red ... but I thought with red and orange being so close on the color wheel they'd blend together and my tree (and office) would look like "Holidays at the Abattoir".

viral

EDIT: I thought of something else, significantly more interesting than most of everything I already entered:
item -- when i wear underwear, i wear them inside out, because my under-areas are covered in very sensitive skin that becomes irritable when abraded by elastic and other non-cotton materials.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I've been infected with a virus [tagged by PinkDot] to reveal 10 things about myself that are otherwise unknown. This is particularly useful, as prior to reading this tag, I was wondering what I would write this morning... I mean I could have come up with something, but probably nothing as interesting.

-- i like Christmas almost as well as Halloween
-- i have never (and still do not) liked my handwriting
-- when i was half my current age, i was also half my current weight
-- until my 2nd year in college i didn't drink cola
-- i hate going to the bathroom
-- i haven't bought myself a pair of shoes in over a year
-- i wanted to be an editor for a living
-- i almost failed h.s. algebra
-- i prefer triangles to any other shape
-- i still take prenatal vitamins

i know, they're lame... but honestly, for the most part, so am i.

i guess i'm going to be cursed or something because i have to break the chain. i don't know enough bloggers (who weren't on the pinkdot list) to tag anyone else.

lame...

quickie

not a lot of time
not a lot to say

going to an adoption party this evening... it's nice to have something other than "just a Christmas party" to attend at this time of year

ended up getting about 6" of snow last night - at least. it's beautiful, but WHAT a pain in the neck getting down the street this morning.

and don't EVEN get me started on what a turd my Elliott was this morning... apparently the auto lock happens even when you DON'T use the remote start... had to wake my peacefully sleeping hubby to get the spare keys so i could get to work. grrr.

weekend will probably be wood working (i.e. cutting, splitting, stacking) and gift wrapping... oh and putting up the Christmas tree. i can't wait to see the baby's face when she sees it this year, knowing what it is.

i have a doc appt this afternoon, EARLY this afternoon, so i'm skipping work at 11 (that's a half day for me) and am going to (unfortunately) miss our holiday potluck lunch, as well as the big finale to the secret Santa events of the week. double sigh. still, it will be good to have the doctor crap out of the way AND to have the whole afternoon with my mother and daughter.

maybe it's that she hasn't hit the "terrible twos" yet, maybe it's just part and parcel of getting into motherhood later than most of my friends, probably it's alot to do with working away from home, but i CANNOT get enough time with my daughter. i cherish every minute.

OH - and the best news about my doctor's visit this afternoon - it's not the one i thought it was, and I DON'T HAVE TO SHAVE MY LEGS!!! likely there are people out there cringing at the thought that i'm rejoicing in hairy legs, but shaving (especially in the winter) makes me dry, itchy, flakey, scaley, hideous and miserable. certainly, if i were more froufrou or girlie girlish i could slather myself in lotion or oil to keep my hairless legs soft and pretty (ha ha ha the idea of MY legs being pretty is just about farcical) but i'm not froufrou or girlie girlish... i flipping cut and split firewood for my weekend kick and giggles...

ok - so maybe lumberjacking isn't all fun and games, but truth be told, i'd rather spend an afternoon doing that than shaving and lotioning my legs and painting my toe nails... or
{shudder}
shopping
{shudder}

though i wouldn't be entirely opposed to a nice facial... mmm.

ok - enough of this.
have a great weekend... cuddles to y'all and your loved ones!

can you spar(row) a willy?

watched W.Wonka with my hubby, mom, and daughter last night.

weird weird weird

i can confidently say that i prefer Jack Sparrow over W. Wonka ANY DAY

weekend is fast approaching. have a half day tomorrow - need to see the doc for a shot.

shudder

just realised that yesterday while i was dilligently purchasing the insulin for the cat, i was neglectful in getting the prescription for my shot filled. this wouldn't be bad if it weren't for the fact that i will likely be driving in the first phases of the winter storm to collect the prescription after the work day.

yes, you read right... winter storm. at least that's what they were saying this morning.
snow (glorious snow) is supposed to start falling this evening and by sunrise tomorrow morning we can expect to see something between 4 and 8 inches of fluffy (?) white on the ground.

of course that means that right now i have to go elsewhere and refill my script.

more later... likely

euromercian holiday sensibilities (linkalicious)

just wolfed down a "tiny" Sanders chocolate santa, followed by a clementine, chased with a "drop-the-tablet-in-your-bottle-of-water-and-watch-it-fizz" diet helper drink.

i fell victim, earlier, to two patently american forms of mass hysteria and responded to an email advertisement and bought some additional stocking stuffers for my husband and mom. after, while reading Metro Parent, i felt utterly compelled to get at least one item off the NAPPA gold medal winners list. fortunately, it was something i'd been planning on buying once before, and then forgot, so it was a nice reminder. i got the cd/dvd combo set (not sure what it really combines - though i'm thinking it's one disc playable either way, and not two disks...) from Kassi's Devil Store... through my Clubmom account - yummy points! (I'm saving up to get my mom a Barnes and Nobel $25 gift card... just as a thank you for all she does for us, and the baby.

i listen to wnic through my windows media player... I had to suffer (miserably) through the Charlie Brown version of O' Christmas Tree - ugh... the other day it was dental drills over italian muzak (Chipmunks Christmas song). generally a little Christmas music is nice... uplifting and spirit brightening and just what it takes to make it through the freezing Michigan winter weather... but when you can't control it... sigh...

happy Wednesday

blazy...

sorry to have been lazy with blogging this morning...

either it was waking up before 4:00 or the fact that I still haven't had my diet coke for the day, but i've been out of whack and sort of addled all day... not to mention i have a significant hedake.

whatever

it's F R I G I D outside today... 22 deg - not even factoring in the wind chill.
brr

cold enough, even, to stop me from going out at lunch and finishing my Christmas shopping - yes - only one trip left... happy happy me

i'd be happier if it were done - eh - que sera, sera

my friend bo came up to my office today to see the holiday tree. she had to sit down for laughing... not, she said, because it's pathetic (which sort of it is) but because she thought it was so me (does this mean me=pathetic?)

we went to see Santa last night... so the baby could ask for "TOYS!" - she didn't really... she got rather weirded out when push finally came to shove and she had to see "the man" but...

*** WARNING - PROUD MAMA MOMENT APPROACHING ***

she did great... NO tears at all
happy baby
chattered a little
smiled a little
and while we didn't get a good smile in the photo, I saw it with my own eyes.

*** I HAVE THE COOLEST BABY IN THE WORLD ***

We went out for dinner afterwards (a good eater) and then some quick shopping (she spent most of this time with her dad who wasn't obliged (as I was) to actually shop, and got to watch cartoons and drive around the cool green car-buggy-stroller) and home at bedtime. Of course this meant having to have almost an hour to unwind, do teeth, and settle in to sleep...

so you see, 4:00 came even sooner, because I lost about an hour of sleep on the front end too. eh - i'll get it back. she's only a smidge for so long

on a side note:
back pre-baby... pre-hubby even... way back in 1999 and 2000 i had this ABSOLUTE fascination with beige, cream, tan, black, brown clothes. I used to wear, on a regular basis, some combo of them, and EVERY time I wore them i felt incredibly well-put-together. I still absolutely adore the combination, but back then I was also a good 3 or 4 dress sizes smaller than I am now, and for the most part, no matter WHAT I wear these days, I never feel well-put-together, so I've more or less abandoned wearing my favorite colors - at least in the way I used to. I'm beginning to think that I might need to change that strategy and see if I can't make some snappier outfits out of what I have kicking around in my closet. (am still loathe to buy ANYTHING new clothing wise)

secret santa-ing is going well, though I'm not doing for my family (as I had intended) and i feel a right ass for thinking that I'd be able to... not because I'm physically unable to, but because I'm just a blazy slacker and haven't put any time into getting the little things that would make them pre-tree smile... at least nothing i'm willing to use now instead of saving for a stocking stuffer (cos I have nowhere near enough of them)

time to put my thinking cap on...

glorious snow

oh my the pain
i have something of a barometer head
when the weather changes, or more accurately, is about to change, drastically i suffer an extreme headache (sometimes neck and shoulders and back as well) that increases in intensity at about the same rate as the weather.

i should have known something big was going to happen Saturday night/Sunday morning

oh my the pain
crying pain
nearly immobilizing

but WHAT a reward

i awakened at about 2:30 Sunday morning to the wonderfully pain-free view of near blizzard conditions outside my bedroom window. the entire scene was covered in white - including the air, filled with falling snow.

at about 3:00 i got back to sleep, comfortably, and thrilled beyond words at the WoW that was out there waiting for morning

Rise and Shine

I'm virtually the first one up everywhere I regularly hang out.

At home, I rise just after the cat, usually between 4:30 and 5:00 in the morning. On weekends, I can usually push this back till 8:00 for waking (as long as I try really hard to stay up the night before) and 9:00 for getting out of bed and starting breakfast. I have learned the hard way that my family does NOT like to eat much before 10:00AM.

At work, now that I'm in a different department, I'm the first one in on my floor - every day. I come in, turn on the coffee machine; though not being a coffee drinker, I daren't actually make the coffee, I'm fairly certain NO ONE would drink it. Since we have our tree up now I plug it in as well, and then I come to my office for about 2 hours of relatively quiet work. Before I came to this department I used to be able to say "relatively quiet and uninterrupted work" but no one here really interrupts me... isn't a change of scenery lovely?

Of course (and especially now that I'm older), first up usually means first down as well.

I leave the office at 3:30 most days (though now that it's the last month of the year and I have some vacation time to burn, I'm taking half days on Fridays - so today I'll be leaving at 11:00). It's a great plan for me... and I'm grateful beyond words that my bosses allow me to do it. Because I get here between 6:30 and 7:00 every morning, I am able to leave early enough that I have some REAL time to spend (in big chunks) with my daughter every afternoon/evening. I'd wake up at 4:30 or 5:00 every day forever if it meant extra hours with my little one.

My regular night bedtime is between 9:00 and 10:00 (except on Fridays and Saturdays when I desperately attempt to stay awake long enough to ensure I won't wake up before 8:00 the next morning) and one Tuesday a month - when I have a roomful of friends who can generally manage to keep me awake until sometime around midnight... even later if my husband and I want to talk about how things went.

ugh. I started writing about being up early for a reason... probably something about peace and quiet... but now I've forgotten, for sure, what the reason was, and I feel rather the dolt.

I think forgetfulness before caffeine is a side effect of being an early riser.

flakey flakey flakey

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forecast says 1 to 2 inches today
and another one tonight
i'm so geeked.

coming from behind

new sore
office - 2
porch - 2

(did i mention all scores are out of a possible 3?)

(why 3?)

(because 3 is a magic number... anyone who's ever Schoolhouse Rocked knows what I'm talking about)

jingle balls

my daughter (19 months old) is learning to sing "jingle bells"
not the whole song, just the chorus part
so far she sings:

jinnn ball
jinnn ball
hhnnn hnnn hnnn waayeee
hnn hnn fun
hn hnn to ride
hnn hnn hnn hnn slayeee
hey!

ridiculous, yes, but i find it deliciously adorable

front porch versus office

it's not exactly godzilla versus mothra, but the principle is the same

take two exceptionally un-alike and unlikely things and face them off in head to head battle until one "wins" and the other runs away to fight again the next time the wind shifts

as unlikely as it might seem, Monday night was a balmy 60 some degrees here in (arctic) Michigan. my husband and i denuded the front porch of every last vestige of the halloween and strung up the pre-lit garlands my mother and i made last year. we would have put up the beautiful pre-lit wreathes mom and i made too - if only mom and i had made them... it was a year of not-enough-time.

my office is always a balmy 60 some degrees (unless i keep the door closed for something around an hour and a half, in which case it jumps up to a tropical 70 - 75 degrees and NEVER a smidgen higher) and i have yet to do anything more than four paper snowflakes and a tree skirt cum flannel baby blanket around the bottom of the tree. (more on that later)

porch - 1
office - 0.5

tonight (possibly) my husband and i will be excavating the old (flea-bitten) fake tree that was never pre-lit, but had enough painful hours spent on lighting it that we never bothered taking it apart, but relegated it, fully assembled and strung, to the basement for storage, and moving it up to the front porch for even more decor. more, we may even be pulling up the log-made snowfolk as well (i'll try to bring in and post a photo of that one...)

porch - 2

i meant to decorate my office tree and window today. i left the string of happy-go-pukey colored lights at home in a bag somewhere so i can't put them on the tree, and without the lights on first, all the rest of the decorating would be ridiculous. i can't hang the pretty little white/silver-gold/pearl ball ornaments, because bonehead that i am, i never got any fishing line (or even ribbon) , and think they would look stupid hanging from sewing thread taped to the wall.

office - 0.5 *still

tomorrow will be a better day, i'm sure. AND if i can find my cute little fake-limbed wreath, i might just be able to even the score.

shadowlands...

once upon a time I thought it would be interesting to be dramatic

most of my wardrobe consisted of costumes:
- the lumber-jack get up of jeans, t-shirt, and flannel overshirt
- the equestrian gear of form fit khakis, white blouse, and mostly cutaway jacket (and vest)
- the croquet wear
- even the "business woman" in navy blue suiting

most of my friends were dramatic, occasionally even suffering some grandly engineered (usually self inflicted) tragedy

half of what i said was as much a line as a spontaneous (and heaven forbid!) light-hearted remark

i even developed a somewhat mysterious persona of a single girl, living alone, and seldom (if ever) letting the various lives i lived (daughter, friend, co-worker, girl at bar/dance club) meet each other for fear of the various other characters of those lives get to know too much about me

. . . . . . .

i'm not sure when or how or why that stopped seeming like me. honestly, if it weren't for the fact that i'm so keenly aware of the serious difference between who i am now and the me above, i almost wouldn't believe the change happened.

i think it started when i stopped living alone... moving in with a friend, and his friends can put a serious kink in being "all lonesome and pondersome and mysterious".

and i KNOW that there's no way to be dour and serious and brooding and "poetic" around my daughter... she's an absolutely 100% contagious source of light and joy and humor.

as for my dramatic friends... for the most part my friends have grown up too... realising that there is enough REAL drama in a normal life - enough heart-ache and loneliness (the kind you not only can't imitate but would never EVER want to) - that there's no real need to manufacture it.

i think the costume clothes went away mostly as my middle age spread started spreading up from my thighs into my hips and stomach... it's hard to look really good in costumes unless you look really good in nothing.

. . . . . . . . . .

i'm glad to have had those days. they were good old days of let's pretend, and i was fortunate enough to be able to drag them into the cusp of my 30's (a luxury many folks won't or can't afford themselves). i've always believed that having a good imagination and the room to play with it is elemental in being a well rounded, firmly grounded sort of person with the ability to distinguish between make believe and what really matters.

i'm glad, too, that they're behind me. i like the idea of the future that's laid out in front of me. the fun and the joy that i have yet to enjoy with my daughter as she grows and plays is a very rewarding prospect - and definitely worth the real drama that comes with a real life.

tree (and other holiday decor) update

what i'm up to
in an effort to dispel any rumors that i am not a holiday (in particular Christmas) person, i have brought in the tinsel and snowman heads for my halloween tree... what's more, i've realised that a little tinsel and a few snowman heads are NOT going to do it for getting me into the spirit of the season when i spend eightandahalf hours in a putty cell, so i've decided that sometime this week (though not this afternoon/evening - more on that later) i have to go to the store to get something to make a tree skirt, some CHRISTMAS colored lights (as opposed to just the orange ones) and a few more ornaments, as well as some little bits for my Secret Santa recipient (almost wrote receivee - ugh!) and something to decorate the window of my office (my secret wish would be to have curtains and lights and make it look like a real window, but probably i'll settle for some lights and possibly some ornaments)...

why i can't go out this afternoon/evening
friday our friend C (K's honey) came by to drop off some stuff for my husband. he rather pointedly noted that boogety-boo, the home version of the halloween tree, and several other halloweeney elements are still adorning the front porch. yes, I know, UGH, but honestly, when it's a matter of choosing between dehalloweening the porch or splitting more wood to ensure more fireplace fun through the rest of the winter, 9.9 times out of ten i'm going to choose the latter.

unfortunately, without serious recostuming (and a new head) there's no way i'm going to be able to christmasify the front porch as it stands (not to mention my mom would skin me before she'd allow all that stuff to stay out there...) so...

because the forecast says today is going to peak at about 60 degrees (and tomorrow is going to peak sometime after midnight at about 40) this afternoon is going to be a crunch session in removing halloween and installing christmas (garlands, wreaths, and possibly the old xmas tree) on the porch before the evil cold comes calling.

woo hoo!

the usual - but different

every year, without fail, the holidays arrive on the tails of an illness, or instigate one. this Thanksgiving is no different. i have developed a cough. it's still just a little cough, but i can definitely feel the little buggers multiplying.

i don't think it was because of too many people who don't wash their hands, however, this year, as my holiday was Very tight family only. an 18.5 pound bird goes a long way to stuffing 4 adults and a baby.

it could be some of the stress of the holiday... and the fact that (as much as i denied it) i allowed the volume of food i was preparing to stress me out.
it could be from the fatigue of more than two weeks of sleepless nights and ugly dreams
it could be (my mother would definitely pin it here) the wet and cold of splitting wood on Sunday

regardless, i have the cough

followup on the sorting hat

My husband reads my posts - gotta love it. He recently read the one about the sorting hat and informed me of the following (his comments first, the secondary parenthetical information comes from the Akashic Record)

Each of the Houses at Hogwarts are representative of certain virtues:

Gryffindor is Bravery (and Leadership)
Hufflepuff is Compasion (Hard Work, Goodness, and Self Sacrifice)
Slytherin is Cleverness (and Determination)
Ravenclaw is Wisdom (and Friendship)

I feel much better... though also strangely compelled to strive to be wiser and more friendly.

the flakes are coming

the weather forecast says snow! starting today, running through the night and tomorrow!
yes, i'm that excited!!!

and it's not just because it's the first snow of the year... i really like snow. i'm not such a huge fan of the cold for the snow, but at the same time, its a necessary evil. oh, and i don't really enjoy driving in the snow - especially to and from work when the roads are populated by people who hate driving, hate snow, (hate work?) and in general seem to just be outright grumps.

it also helps that the snow is coming on/for Thanksgiving (another thing to be thankful for!) when my family and i will be safe at home, good to watch the snow fall through the big picture window at the back of the house, with a nice toasty fire roaring away in the fireplace.

rrr

reduce reuse recycle

relax refresh renew

reexamine redefine rearrange

rather rinse repeat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
enough oblique poetry

i started with the original 3 r's because i'm lazy
my husband and i "installed" a halloween tree (black and stick-i-liscious with orange lights) in my office over a month ago. i'm fortunate enough to work with a slew of brilliantly tolerant and creative people, most of whom enjoy decorating for the holidays - ALL OF THEM - and put up with my scant, meager, ridiculous excuse for a grave yard scene - replete with black tree of twigs (doom).

i didn't want to take it down by myself. it's unwieldy at best. i know i got at least one splinter putting it up.

so, genius i am, i turned it into my thanksgiving tree. it's decorated, now, still with the orange lights and 29 little black flags, one for each day of the month so far, each bearing the date and a little something i'm thankful for.

it's populated with people i love, elements of my personality that have really helped me through some rough days, and people who possess traits that i admire, and the crazy silly little things that make life bearable enough to get through another day.

(it's been a tough year, on the tail of a tough year, on the tail of a year of extreme change - little things are EXTREMELY underrated!)

i'm continuing with the 3 r's because I love a challenge
in just over a week, i'm going to re-purpose my tree again (relying even more heavily on the creative sensibilities of my co-workers) when it sheds its leaves of gratitude and dons silvery tinsel garland (and still orange lights) and the daily additions of snowman head ornaments

i'm thinking that january can be a month of memories leading up to my birthday
february a month of things i love
march...

spent

muscle - all day yesterday i couldn't figure out why my thighs were tight and sore, like i'd worked out. this morning it hit me. wednesday we had a fire drill and everyone on the floor (the 9th floor for me) had to walk down the emergency exit stairs to get to our safe place. 9 flights of stairs (even only going down) is a long way for someone unaccustomed to stairs

mental - it's been over a week since i have slept soundly through the night. my dreams are becoming more antagonistic. it's getting more difficult to focus on simple tasks at work without falling prey to just about any small distraction. and i'm sure if you asked my family they'd tell you that i'm just a little edgier than normal. i've also been absolutely FREEZING for the past week. i have a suspicion or two as to where the origins of the sleeplessness lie, and i'm working on coming to terms with these issues (not only for sleep's sake, but so that i can just have them straight in my head). i'll post an update (probably in bright circus colors) when i finally have a good night's sleep.

moral - i'm not sure if this qualifies for anything, having never read the Harry Potter slew of literature, but i took a whirl with the funky talking hat, and he told me that i should be a member of the RavenClaw house. probably he wouldn't have said that if they'd offered Cat as a pet of choice... so yeah, not sure if being a RavenClaw is indicative of any sort of moral fatigue, but if it is, it makes sense. babble babble babble

i'm going to pack up and call it a day. spend some early time with the baby and probably take a nice long nap.

call to analysis...

we had caught a baby bee and thought it would be cruel to keep it, so after only a few moments of holding it in our hands, we set it free

but the other bees hated it, flew after it, stung it mercilessly

so i followed the bees in their flight, pursuing the pursuers, and finally batted them all away from my baby bee

except now it was a small blue and red and brown bird - like a cross between a sparrow and a bluebird and a robin - and it had a broken left wing.

i tried scooping it up, but it wouldn't let me, it insisted on trying to perch on my finger, but when it realised that its wing was broken, it let me cradle it in the palm of my left hand, my right hand swatting at the small buzz of still stinging bees around me

just before i woke i was making plans on what size cage i should get for my new pet, and wondering if maybe a cage were more a prison than a home for one so very well loved


========================================

i was blogging away here and someone - a tech support someone - came into my office, shook his (or her?) head, and said "no no no, you don't want to use Trebuchet."
"why?"
"Oh, because it's too hard to read... and I don't like it."

i just laughed and woke up

behind - again

once upon a time i used to have all of my Christmas shopping done by Hallowe'en (probably another very good reason for why i like Hallowe'en so well). ok, granted, there are some gifts you just cannot purchase months in advance - Godiva chocolate covered cherries for example (for mom) - but for the most part, i have been very very good about getting nearly everything done early.

however, in recent years (i.e. since getting married and having a baby) i have been slipping farther and farther behind.

so far this year i have my in-laws done.

yep... that's it.

ok, not entirely it, it, but they're the only people I have done. and that's not really a fair measure because they put a limit on me, and really, there's not a lot you can do in the parameters they set up... so they were easy too. the rest of my family and friends, not so much...

i still have about half of my husband's gifts to go. ditto with mom and dad. i'm still debating on what to do for the baby, since i know she'll be "wallowing in spoildiferous" between her grandparents and i have already pretty much bought her everything i was "desperate" to get her (which i can afford) with the exception of some learning software... which i may well still get. as for my friends, for most of them, i don't even have a list drawn up to shop from, so i'm really up a creek. (note to anyone who reads this blog and was planning on x-mas-ing me, a paddle would really come in handy most days...) and remember how i said i was done for my in-laws, i lied. i only have my MIL done, i still have to find something for my FIL from the baby.

on an up note, this is year three or four now that over 50% of my holiday shopping has been done on line (the postal, UPS, and FedEx people HATE my household between August and the end of the year) and this year I finally wised up and am shopping as much as is humanly possible through my Club Mom account earning lots of juicy points that I can spend on something as horribly selfish as possibly my husband's birthday (february) gift. te he.

on an even upper note, i am v. proud to announce that absolutely none, zip, zero, nada, of my shopping has hit a credit card. every single purchase has been "cash" out of my checking debit... not only cash, but pre-saved cash that i had set aside for Christmas specifically.
realistically, however, i am at the end of that money with only half of my purchases made, and will likely be budgeting a lot more strictly for the next two checks to get the rest of my shopping done. either that, or i'm going to have to re-check my inventory and decide that i have, indeed, done enough shopping all together and focus on making myself the gift and being nicer and more considerate and all that crap at home.

then again, it's not too late to get a second "holiday income" job...

ugh-lee day

man oh man is it ugly outside.

the sky looks almost lavender it's so full of cloud/rain/mist/slog or whatever it's doing out there.

i have access to memory now, and by virtue of being once again able to store files i'm back to the grindstone and feeling like i'm being eroded by work. it's hell catching up after a day of slack.

my mood is fading to the color of the sky - between work whacking out and life crapping all over my hubby right now (job sucks, job hunt sucks, stress abounds...) - if i owned a company (which necessarily would be small, but even if it were a mega company) I would allow my employees to have bad weather and/or mental health days or maybe both. I'd likely be mean about them though (at least mean through an employee's eyes) and say - "look, you get one mental health day a month. you can't borrow from next month, and you can't carry over from last month. if you don't need it, don't take it. if you do need it, it's there." bad weather days would be different, because they'd get the same days i would take, so i'd just make a phone call the night before - or early in the morning saying "i'm not coming in, don't risk your sanity or health by wasting your time on the road." my imaginary employees would likely end up with more days off than they needed, because i live on a private road that's mostly inhabited by people with trucks (they have more ground clearance than my little car) who can get out through higher snow than i can, so the plows don't come down the road unless we call, and they never call because they can all get out... it's just me and maybe another person or two who suffers when the snow is bad.

i need a mental health day today...
since there's no snow.

yet

order and pap

first the order - why first - because it's what I have to do to get my mind clear enough to call the flipping idiots at the hospital and the insurance company.

so I have spent the last 10 minutes organizing my bills, bank statements, and all other necessary evils into their binders to bring a sense of calm into my life. somtimes it's very very therapeutic for me to just feel like I have a little control over something that is going to make me crazy. the other sense of happy that came from this is that looking at my 401k statement, i have enough saved up that i could use it for the downpayment on a house i might actually want to live in. not that my life is stable enough right now for house hunting, but it's still a good feeling to know that i have actually amassed something of some consideration out of all my grunt work.

and now the pap. apparently someone at blue cross thinks that i would subject myself to two pap smears in the same year. like ANY woman in her right mind, apart from those suspecting their doctors of having their head up the behinds, would do something like that. still - the reason that BCBS thinks this is because someone at the hospital - either my doctor's billing staff or the hospital's billing staff has either double billed - bad form - or has miscoded something they've billed. this is my third or fourth go-round with this, and i'm starting to get really really upset.

ok

i feel better

addiction

I have an addiction.

It has gotten in the way of wanting to spend much time with my friends.

It has stopped me from doing the things in which I used to delight.

And this weekend, it made me think twice about going to a UoM Football game.

I am addicted to my daughter... to motherhood... to being able to spend EVERY spare moment I have in the company of a little person who has JUST begun to speak in the most rudimentary of sentences.

I just can't get enough.

surfing challenged

I have heard stories from friends and family about how they could spend an entire day surfing the net not even realising time has slipped out of their control, looking up only when prompted by the calling of nature - at one end or the other.

When I hear their stories, I marvel.

I believe this is because I'm surfing challenged.

There are a few sites I visit routinely, some seasonally, and others only because I've seen their URL on a billboard/highway overpass/bumpersticker and go once, but never go back.

Once I hit about 4 or 5 sites in any given day, however, I find myself struggling to remember if I've seen any url's that I thought were worth pursuing, or I try to google an emotion or thought for the day and see where it takes me... and generally I fail miserably. I find that I'm going back to the same 5 sites, checking my points, seeing if K has anything new to say, and then, usually, resorting to playing on-line games, because I can't find anything fun on the net.

Just thought I'd share.

gold sky friday

There are three significant bonuses to waking up before most of the world on weekday mornings.

First - it means that my work day starts before my daughter is even awake for the day, and I can get home with enough time before dinner for us to play.

Second - it ensures that I'll wake early on the weekends as well, buying me extra time to read or just lounge and watch the baby sleep - AND I'm awake enough to concentrate on making breakfast for the family while most of them are still dreaming

Third - very often sunrises in this part of Michigan are beautiful. Right now, looking out my window, down the hall, and out the window of someone with more clout than I, I can see a mauve and ochre sky warming itself in the morning sun... hovering above the frost nipped and still leafy autumn trees of the city where I work.

I can also see an AMAZING string of traffic flowing from the northern suburbs into the city, and if I REALLY REALLY strain to listen, I can almost hear the grumbley curses, and the hope-filled sighs of "I just have to make it o n e m o r e d a y..." of the commuters.

j u s t

o n e

m o r e

d a y...