dream husband

ok - let's face it - i've been having a crap couple of weeks. a lot of my time - especially work time - has been clouded over by a general malaise that makes me weepy at best. i can't even describe my worst, lately.

so - what's a husband to do?

have a front porch full of saturday morning surprise brown mary-jane crocs to replace the worn-to-broken brown leather mary-janes that went EVERYWHERE with me.

i wore them all weekend. i'm wearing them right now. and i suspect they will be a key element of most of my wardrobe for the next several months (except when it's too wet and cold to wear them without suffering for it). i'm still hoping for a pair of black ones to go with them... so i can live 90% of my wardrobe in comfortable feet.

Free Lance

it's time for me to figure out how to go it on my own
i want to be a producer
i just mean that I want to be a person who produces deliverables
i mean, i want to make things
useful things
and i want to make a living doing this

because the living i'm making right now is killing me

baby face and balderdash

babies really don't always make the cutest faces

today, though, i realised that even a crying baby is more fun than what i do for a living. i'm pretty sure that's one of the universal indicators that it's time to look for a new job.

the way in this morning was hell. someone sent out a memo to all the

shouldn't-have-ever-been-given-a-license

idiots out there advising them that in front of the spider covered vibe was exactly the place to be today. if it's like that on the way home i'll know for sure, and it may well happen that my new job is the full-time search for the jerk in charge of sending memos to the idiots of the world.

i wonder if upon his death i get to take the job.

heh heh heh

Boo too

ok - here's the thing.

i went to a school with a haunted residence hall... specifically the bathroom on the fourth floor.

Siena Heights University to be specific... Ledwidge hall, exactly.

Whenever I look this place up on Haunted America type sites, i keep finding the same reference to a room in Archangels hall, room 211, where there were purportedly, once upon a time, haunted eyes over a section of the wall, that a couple of girls *UNNAMED GIRLS* reported having seen.

I could give you the names of no fewer than 5 girls (myself included) who experienced the hauntings in the 4th floor bathrooms. Don't believe me, apply to Kimba, she'll back me up. Just like she did for countless middle of the night potty breaks, because I couldnt bear the thought of going alone.

How bad could a bathroom be, right?

Imagine yourself naked in the shower knowing that you're alone the bathroom. You know you're alone because there's no way to open the door without making noise, and you haven't heard that noise since you've been in the room. All of a sudden the faucets turn on and off. Or maybe it's not the faucets tonight, but the toilets flushing. If you've particularly pissed them off, they'll start slamming the doors on the stalls.

I'm not entirely sure they're a they. They might just be a she. Still the amount of hair-raising packed in just one "I feel someone watching me" accounts for an army's worth of animosity.

And yes, i seriously doubt that the ghost is gone... that it was just attached to me and mine. But I don't know how to put a call out to the Ladies of Siena and ask them to camp out and wait for the boogies... nor would i... i wouldn't subject anyone to that kind of oogie. Of course, this doesn't stop ME from wanting to go back and see...

If there ARE any "Lady Saints" out there who have experienced this, please leave a comment.

For the rest of you - perhaps this illuminates why I'm a bath girl now.

comforts

new socks - especially if they are cushily
a good GOOD cup of tea
thoughts of autumn (and hallowe'en)
a box in the mail that i didn't have to pay for
laughing out loud regardless of my location
"i love you, mama."
warm (but not hot) sunshiney blue sky days
letters from friends
the smell of new leather goods
this
my cat at my feet, purring
the bunny, when she doesn't pee on me

as an aside

a 15 or so years ago version of me is interning in my department this summer

she's blonde and thin and chipper and cute

i don't hate her... much as some folks might think i might...
but i'll tell you this for free

she can stop chirping her happiness all over the office behind me (shared wall) any time now if she wants to maintain the use of her tongue.

i'm just sayin'

boo... ...eek

I was going to babble on about who knows what.

Honestly, when I saw this (courtesy of MightyGoods) i lost all sense of sense and this was all i could think about. It's sick and wrong, I know... but there it is at the top of my head... making me miserable with scary clown thoughts... and visions of wearing this to all the haunted houses this autumn.

see... sick and wrong.

my radio is fading out of BBC World News again. if only the people in this office could just plant themselves, get some work done, and STOP messing with my reception.

I'm half-hostess of a bridal shower on August 11th. I'm making (and sending) the invitations, buying a cake, and helping keep things moving on the day of. Nothing too flashy (thank goodness the bride is sort of laid back about everything) and nothing too taxing. I'm actually kind of looking forward to having a chance to make something crafty papery with my hands (as opposed to my feet? come on now... get it together).

otherwise, i'm just plodding along. it's supposed to rain today - - chances of thunder i hear. that will be nice. because Michigan really DOES need more humidity right now. pleh

this is going downhill fast.

that's what clowns will do to you if you don't watch out.

Recovery and Random

I'm doing better today. Thank you.

I have housework to do. Lots of it:
- laundry
- dishes
- vacuuming
- dusting
- sweeping
- and mopping
- - - MOVING THE CARDBOARD BOXES OUT OF EVERY CORNER OF EVERY ROOM
- random tidying
- packing up donations (LOTS of donations)

add to that my overwhelming desire to be baking something (anything) and it adds up to agony.
there aren't enough hours in my week to work AND housework. I don't want a maid or a cook either... though one of those professional organizer people would be a boon.

OH - speaking of boons. I watched the last episodes of Carnivale Season 2 last night. I'm extremely un-gruntled. So very much so that I had a hard time falling asleep last night because of it. Just grrr.

I'm throwing together menu ideas for a mexican dinner. Right now it's looking like corn and black bean salad, do it yourself burritos, and home made salsa and guacamole. Simple and relatively easy. I'm making the taco seasoning on my own because what's out there in the stores is lethal. I'm just sayin' My husband will make the guacamole because avocados turn me off. Ew.

If I don't get my pumpkins in the ground in the next two days, I won't have any more reason to worry about it. They're gathering forces for a revolution of sorts... kamikaze pumpkins, threatening to die if I don't take care of them. They're heartless.
They should make excellent jacks o lantern. Heh heh heh.

Many of my boxes of Hallowe'en have arrived, by the bye. I have faces to start painting, a spectre to build, and after a quick trip to the H Depot (because that's where I have the gift cards for) some fog chillers to build. I'm very excited by all of this... and already cursing the fact that it's half way through July and I haven't even started!

Also, the fabric for my daughter's princess dress has arrived. She's requested one for playing in. I've very pointedly been advised that this is NOT for her hallowe'en costume - - she wants to be a horse this year ("and you can be a cowboy mama, and ride me!" me: "a cowgirl, sweetpea" she: "ok, you can be a cowgirl") . It ticks me off, because I know I'm not going to be able to make anything at all like a convincing horse suit - so again, I'll be buying her hallowe'en get up. At least, though, I'll be able to make her a butt-kick princess costume. Now I just have to get around to building it.

Ok, that's enough randomness.

I'm going to go try getting some work done - heigh ho Silver, away!!!

hangover

I had too much fun over the weekend.
Seriously.

yesterday I woke up with a screaming headache.

no. don't blame it on the weather change.
i'd prefer to think i just had TOO DARNED much fun.

by the way...

i think blogger hasn't undergone daylight savings time... or something.
all of my posts are showing that they were posted an hour earlier than they really were.

oh - and in spite of what others might have to say about it,
Carnivale season 2 is really good.

somebody throw a black cat at me.

not really.

i'm actually pretty asuperstitious.



and if anything that magic 7-7-7 day we had last week taught me a thing or two about having expectations based on the date... it sucked for us. all around.



there IS a part of me who feels a lot like i should be visiting Emily today, though.


I haven't yet. I will. I'm going to need some new stationery soon anyway.


Speaking of the strange:
i have my husband's copy of the KLF Justified and Ancient in my posession, and every day i want to listen to it on my way home, but that darned neal conan


and talk of the nation get in my way with something too interesting for me to interrupt. it's just not fair. today, though, ira flatow is going to be talking about things like technology, computer viruses, and paper vs. plastic. I think i might get away with a few rounds of mumu land.


i can't go on with this anymore. have a great weekend.

it's all MonkeyButt to me

mostly this means that the day is doing its own thing...
i'll be able, i suppose, to join in again at some later time, but for right now, i'm just bumbling through and trying to appear like i have even the slightest idea of what's going on.

in a half an hour i'm walking around the block (1.29 miles) with my friend belle.
we'll probably talk about marriage and homes and crap like that. the good stuff that gets me grounded again.

in the meantime, i'm just being pleased that my blue-sky wish list of how to make my job more manageable seems doable to my boss... and enjoying an icy cold diet coke (whose rewards code was entirely unacceptable to the folks at coke... i have lodged a complaint).

today after work Foo and i will be digging out a small garden and planting our pumpkins - and maybe the peppers (that in spite of the seeds being harvested from grocery store peppers, are growing well and making flowers, and will hopefully bear fruit later this summer). depending on how we feel after that, we'll likely do a load of daddy's laundry and make some cupcakes, or maybe some brownies... even though our dreamy dinner sounds as much like dessert as anything else (boneless pork chops jubilee - - covered in a tart cherry 'sauce').

have i mentioned that mom and i are doing dream dinners?
once a month we drive an hour or so (the franchise i signed up at is closer to work than home), spend a couple of hours building dinners (usually 72 servings between us), laugh a lot and have some quality us time, pack it all into our coolers, decide what we're going to make 'next' month, and drive home... usually talking about husbands and home and the things that get us grounded again.

this weekend, Saturday, my man (ugh... i still can't find a moniker for my husband that I REALLY like... sigh) and i are going to have an "us" date at Cedar Point. i'm VERY excited. it's the first really fun thing that we've done alone together since our honeymoon... or maybe Lamaze classes (that was a joke, kids). then, on Sunday, because we both feel guilty about leaving foo out of the roller coast (she loves roller coasters - - never mind the fact that she's only 39" tall and can't ride anything but the baby stuff) we're taking her to our favorite Potter Park Zoo. She really enjoys the camel rides, and while it's not a roller coaster, she'll have fun. As an aside, we're taking a 'lesson' from old friends, and until she's taller (and more expensive!) Foo's annual trip to Cedar Point happens during their Halloweekends calendar.

Well, it's time for me to spellcheck and publish so I can get my shoes on and go walking.

Have a better one...

I am a Rock...

Recently i've written that I am not a joiner.

I think there's more. Fact is - I'm an arm's-lengther.

I've had more than one friend advise me (just this year) that they feel very much on the periphery of my life. I don't use the term "friend" loosely either. These are people about whom I have used the words LOVE and SISTER and DEAR and CHERISHED.

I've been fortunate, I guess, in that many of my friends prefer not to be bothered with me often. They have business that keeps them too busy for much socializing, and a friendship with me is something of a relief in a world full of people who ALL want their time... all of the time.

Part of my insular life has to do with the weight I give to my nuclear family. As a child and young adult (and not so young adult) my relationship with my parents has been tantamount to breathing - - especially that with my mother. Through those years, and almost as much even now, she was my everything all the time. The only person whose phone calls I have consistently anticipated and enjoyed. The only person who ever REALLY got me and didn't care about the flaws. The Mother kind of person, I suppose. And, as such, the definitive role model for how *I* would be as a mom... and a wife, mostly.

Now that I'm married my focus has shifted somewhat, and while I remain faithful to my mom (and my love for her), my main attention goes to my family... my husband and daughter. I invest my time (those hours that aren't dedicated to earning a living or home and garden keeping) in my relationships with them. In making the kind of bonds that ensure that I will continue to have people who GET me and don't mind my flaws (or even, if my luck holds, who love me because of them). I am DRIVEN to being the mom to my daughter that mine was to me. I am committed to being the best wife my husband could dream of. And when I have a few minutes (usually in the bathroom!) to myself, I think about me.

Lately my thoughts have been focused on my social life, or lack thereof, and my friends. I think about my priorities are where they ought to be (sad fact is that someday my mom will pass away, and my daughter will grow up - - and maybe away from me) and whether or not I'm "setting myself up for a lonely future."*

I think not, though. I have made the promise, with my whole heart, to be a soul mate to my husband. We're working - so very diligently - at making our world together. And since he's 5 years my junior, I figure I won't have to survive him - - or if I do, not for very long on my own.

I am putting all of my heart into being a good mom. A smart and wise mom. A defined mom, who is so obviously committed to motherhood and dedicated to the well-being and loving of my child, that she can't help but know that she means the world to me, and always will. I'm working, I guess, to do honor not only unto my parents, but to my whole family... with all of my heart.

And, I still do have friends who view the length of my arm as something of a cushion of their own. I guess some folk might call them friendly acquaintances, but to me they are dear, and cherished, and loved.

I expect I will find myself working harder at letting the people who need to know that they matter to me... that my concern and caring for them is not just lip service... no matter how invisible (or sedentary) my heartstrings may be. It may mean scheduling a night a month for giving of myself to the people who deserve it... (i'm already wondering how ruffled they will be at being scheduled into my life) or maybe opening myself up, a little more, to the possibility of spontaneity. Or it may mean learning to accept the fact that they will only really view me as a friendly acquaintance.

I'm a work in progress... in all the arenas, under all the hats, in every aspect of my life.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me.

* verbatim the worry of a friend of mine, for me.

a Whole New Day

We saw Hairspray last night.
Having been a fan of the original, I was skeptical at first.
I laughed my tail off. It's a good movie.

We took Foo. She loved it too. She was kinda dancing in her seat, but only kinda.
It was her first "in the theater" experience. She was wowed.
I guess I'm going to have to give up my issues with the theater... at least for a while.

On the drive home my husband and I listened to love songs - - even sang along with a few - - and the baby telling us about her evening.

We got home late.

Pretty much went right to bed, and I still woke up exhausted.
I have 8 reports to run this week. And some meetings. And a lunch date today.
ugh.

maybe Evil, hardly Genious

:: Update::
This post has been edited for the sake of brevity.

Prologue
I am a snoop and a would-be detective.
For the most part I'm too selfish, too egocentric to be bothered by things that happen without me and as for what people say about me, i usually just let it go.

The Setup
A week ago, or two, i found out that I was being uninvited to a blog that I was lead to believe didn't exist.

The Self Revealed
I'm a voyeur. I'm nosy. I'm a long list of other things, none of which lend themselves to the kind of person who stays out of someone else's business - especially if I can peek in without having to participate.
I don't know the depths of my self and my soul, but the shallow story is that i'm not a joiner.
I am a watcher... occasionally a commenter... and from time to time a participant or assistant
- - but I am NOT a joiner.

The Snooping
I googled the blog. I found the blog. I read the blog.

The Worst Bit
I feel guilty.
Not cool.

The Fall-Out Part 1
I just confessed and apologised.

Evil IMDB

So, i was tripping through IMDB and did my regular check on Shantaram, and out of "boredom" i clicked on mr. Depp to see what else he's been up to, and LO! I found Sweeny Todd.

The cast list is missing only one of my "in this movie boyfriends" (well, maybe a couple from the WHOLE list, but only one from the short list).

Not like i ever go to the movies. i'm not a fan of dark rooms full of strangers and the inability to concede to my wallnut sized bladder without, invariably, missing something vital. But wow, this is a good sounding movie.

Oh, and the only other little bit to add, which is really weird to me.
Steve, the "owner" of Blue that neither my daughter nor I really care for much, is also a co-creator of the show. Isn't it odd, how the guy you don't really like is the one who made it up? it leaves me wondering which of my ideas are going to be successful, once i hand them off.
te he.

Oh How I Miss...

::: Update :::
I was drastically outbid.
I flat out refuse to pay more than $75 for even the most notorious of nostalgia items.
Particularly for an alarm clock.
Maybe next time.

:: UPDATE ::
I just placed a bid on this on e-bay.
wish me luck.
i could just cry...


...my singing chicken alarm clock.
I think it might have been called the "rock n roll chicken alarm clock".
In the most rockin' annoying voice he would call, in the morning, "Hey baby wake up, come and dance with me - wooooow, yeeeah"
It got left behind when I left England the last time.
When I left on the promise that I would be called back.

He never sent that back to me.

I found one, recently, sold on e-bay for $150. I wouldn't be surprised if he were the seller.

Jackass.

If any of you out there ever has the odd opportunity to do business with, or even just happen to meet a tall gawky Kevin Goodings, a Norwich boy with a dopey grin and an otherwise decent attitude, ask him to send Nif her chicken alarm clock back... or at least to apologize for never having mailed it.

thanks...

scoop

ok.
so the thing is, the surgery beat me up.
and the recovery made me lazy.

since june 1st, i haven't wanted to work on anything - - well, at least nothing indoors. my garden is pretty. if i weren't so ham-handed with the camera, i would have included a photo. they're all crap.

i'm on (and now off) my third course of 'kicks-your-ass-a-cin' this one is compounded and goes (went) up my nose via ear syringe (lovingly called the 'ball-baster') i'm not on it now, because my ENT is concerned about my lesser ability to breathe since beginning 'treatment'. i get to see him (and have him stick metal sticks up my nose) this afternoon - - to hopefully get to the bottom of what's going on in there.

in happier news, i just did some "haunt my house" shopping. i have an idea (which i'm hoping will grow up into a nice big and strong 'plan') of what i'd like to do. i have to think, seriously, about where i'm setting the bar - - this is our FIRST year in our own place that we can haunt as much or as little as we want. at the same time, i'm so excited, there's a good chance i'll be going too whole on the hog, and blow it for every year henceforth. i'm not too fussed/worried... i mean really, we're only LIKELY to get more technology and with the baby getting older every year, that means we'll have more (useful) hands as our tenure at Earthburg progresses as well (at least for the prep work, it will be a good many years before she's done trick or treating, and who can blame her!). Still, with technological advances, there's a good chance that I'll some day be able to man all of the demons/ghouls and other whosie whatnots on my own from remote control sensors pasted all over the house (and my body - - I mean, I have to still be able to be one of the baddies).

nevermind.

I'm really raving here.

i'm too excited.

see how I am?