to the victor

...go the spoils

no... this isn't all she got, but it is definitely a version of it that makes me smile.

yes... my baby girl is a fan of Teletubbies, also of Sesame Street, and the story people from Boohbah as well (she's not all that interested in the boohbah's themselves). for her legal edification she occasionally watches Judge Judy, and from time to time in the evenings will study the whatnot and whoosie of American Justice and City Confidential on A&E.

she also likes ducks. so does her mother.

post holiday putty

Remember the really cool photo of the rather unorthodox Christmas tree? This is what that space looks like without it there - - - this is what that space looks like now.

I absolutely shudder to think of how bland, naked, boring... pedestrian everything seems when it's not decorated.

I've decided that I'm going to invest the random Target giftcards i've received in the purchase of a very nice 11x14 frame and some matboard so that I can properly decorate the wall of bland with my daughter's "artwork".

5 down

i started seriously dieting on December 12th... about two weeks before Christmas.

my best present to myself - through the bulk of the season i have lost 5 pounds

my best present from my loving and supportive family - not a single one of them has said a thing about "water weight"

yes, we all know where the five pounds fell from, but the absolute act of love in not voicing it it priceless to me.

the most amusing part - for me at least - is that all through this holiday season, while faced with cookies, treats from vendors, cakes, and a plethora of other sweets... the only things i found myself CRAVING to the point of almost cheating were a McDonald's Big Mac and an order of deep fried cheese curds from A&W. i didn't succumb to either... at least not yet.

my ultimate goal is to lose another 65 pounds.
i hope that none of the clothes i got for Christmas this year will fit me at Christmas next year.
i'd like to be smaller than i was when i started working for this company
(or at least the same size)
i would really really really like to fall into the realm of the "average American woman" rather than several dress sizes above it
ha - i would really really really like to be the size that many people profess to think i am!
most of all, though, i would like to be a healthy weight that will help me keep up with my wonderful daughter, that will help me make it into my 40's, 50's and 60's with a healthier self, and that will help me feel like the woman I know I am

nagging reminders

for a short but very meaningful time i lived in England - a few hours out of London in a city called Norwich (pronounced Norrich - or Norridge if you're a long time local).

apart from missing my family and friends and the fact that I had to drive an hour (albeit a lovely country-road hour) to see my cat (quarrantine) a couple of times a week, it was a very happy time in my life. i met some really wonderful people - some of whom I still send Christmas cards - and lived a fairly peaceful (if sometimes challenging) life. it wasn't idyllic - what life REALLY is? - but it was pleasant, fun, friendly, and it suited me very well.

lately there have been reminders of England all around me. last night while watching the Food Network Gingerbread House Challenge there was a commercial for some company offering up a Narnia sweepstakes to win a trip for 4 to London. one of the folks from another blog i stop in on now and again is spending her Christmas in London. even my company is focusing a lot of its attention on our UK operations in the coming year.

the thing is, i'm not really sure how it's making me feel.

for a long time after i came back, i was painfully "homesick".
for a few years after, i would find myself thinking of that home often and fondly, but not with the same longing.
it's been 10 years, now, and apart from the occasional reminder (and Christmas card) England has become mostly just another lovely country to put on the list of places i'd like my daughter to visit.
but lately with reminders and the sentimentality that is bred of holiday seasons, thoughts of England have been hitting me differently... with a definite hint of that long ago longing, and another hint of wonder...

i do know i'm leary of a visit for fear of finding myself once again miserable at the thought of leaving.

that's all... just my thoughts on it... incomplete as they are.

lifting my holiday spirits...

yesterday my husband asked me if anything wonderful had happened

it depends on how you define wonderful, I was thinking... if you mean full of wondering how the guy who had my job before me could have his head so far up his butt as to leave me a report so hackneyed that i couldn't possibly get meaningful data from it after working on the same report for no less than 12 hours over the course of 2 days, then yes, i indeed had a wonder-full day...

obviously that is not the type of wonderful my husband meant.

how do i know?

when i walked through the doors this morning, envious of the beautiful all white bouquet that was waiting at the security desk for some lucky girl, my security friends informed me that *I* was the lucky girl.

my loving husband, my dear M.T. had sent me a very spirited, completely white and green -
my A L L T I M E F A V O R I T E
- bouquet of:
* gerbera daisies,
* calla lilles,
* roses,
* Eastery looking lilies,
* a pretty flower that (much to my chagrin) i can't identify,
* some fluffly soft white stuff that looks something like a queen Anne's lace, but definitely isn't,
* baby's breath,
* and loads of long needled pine boughs
in a very pretty snowflake patterned vase!

it is exactly what i needed after yesterday's day of fiasco, and to help a slightly waning Christmas mood

i can't even tell you how wonderful (as in full of wonder that anything could lift my spirits after the day i had on wednesday) i feel

p.s. - it smells absolutely incredible in my office!

Tickety Boom

today is my dad's 60th birthday. i took him to a U of M game last month to celebrate... we both love the games... it was a nice surprise and a special treat. today, well, this morning, while he was still snoring away, i decorated the house (i.e. put up a scooby doo "happy birthday" banner) and left his "traditional" birthday gift on his chair.

my dad is really really bad about wrapping Christmas gifts. when i was younger, i used to do it for him - for extra cash. lately, though, my time has been scarce and i'm lucky to get my own gifts wrapped (more than half of my holiday giving this year is "wrapped" in holiday and seasonal themed lunch bags... and yes, i know how horrible that is, but i figured it's the last year before the baby REALLY notices how important the wrapping is and i should capitalize on it while i have the fleeting opportunity), and instead of tapping dad for a few spare bucks, every year, on his birthday, he gets a box (or in this case, 2) full of gift bags. this year i have added some adorable decorative boxes and a special treat of pretty little gift tags.

the first time i did it, i felt lame... that is until my dad's face lit up, knowing that he wouldn't be subjected to hours of back breaking gift wrapping. then i felt like a total rock star in the world of gifts. and my opinion is, if it works, let it work. so, every year now dad can hold off on much of his wrapping until after his birthday, and i have a safe, acceptable, and appreciated gift for my dad "in the bag"

happy birthday daddy...

Seasonal Update

decorating: done!

baking: 1 bread remaining

shopping: one stop left - this week - during the week

wrapping: fewer than 10 items remaining

visits: 1 confirmed, a few to plan

days of work left before Xmas: today + 2.5

days of work left in the year: today + 6.5

comfy hed weather

the color of a clear hed

blessed relief

my hedake has officially passed

what's uncanny to me is that the entire time we had sunshine and bright days, my head hurt. once it clouded over again, my head started feeling all normal again.

so maybe part of weather hed is just that i have a hard time with quick change weather... a deep storm in the middle of a beautifully sunny summer... a string of bright days in the middle of what's supposed to be the season of grey and snow.

no. i don't really believe that. i suspect part of my hed was stress, and part was possibly something wonky with the weather, and a big part was several nights of really piss-poor/interrupted sleep. it could also be the change in my diet (a concentrated and concerted effort to slim me down - yes, starting in the middle of the holidays) which also counts as a source of stress!

anywho... it's gone now... and i couldn't be happier. if only WNIC would stop playing Barry Manilow and i were somehow magically transported back home for the rest of the day!

crappity bleh

it snuck in on me yesterday afternoon.
it started out smallish, and easy enough to ignore, but by 3 i was ugly from it and by 4 almost passed out.
the Orudis helped for about an hour... maybe more, maybe 2. but right after it was back again. with a vengance.

i went to bed at 8:30 last night (the bath didn't help either) and got to sleep sometime after 10. i woke up again at 2 for another hour of trying to figure out how to make it stop. i think it was a matter of fatigue and the heating pad that got me back to sleep. and maybe the water.
it's almost 10 and i'm having a hard time concentrating. I have all but one light off in my office.

there's no fever, so i'm sure it's nothing crazy and lethal. it's just one of THOSE headaches... those debilitating headaches that make me desperately wish i had just one more sick day on the calendar... and no meetings scheduled for this afternoon.

it's not even a weather headache... it's 30.38 and rising.

today I am just broken.

as a point of comparison

what it looks like when not obscured by a gazillion little atmospheric invaders

part timer

Vacation time - not much of it - needed to be spent. So, rather than taking a couple of days, and being miserable the rest of them, I opted to have half day Fridays through the month of December.

As such I'm a once a week part-timer. I LOVE it. My only real worry about the whole thing was that I would end up hating having to drive all the way in, only to work halfway through the day and then make the long drive home (put it this way, my round trip commute is = 50% of my half day work day!)... but still, yep, I love it.

Random Thoughts = 12.16.05
Today, "after work", I'm going to stop off and have Elliott's oil changed.
This morning I had "breakfast chocolate - 50 calories of it!
Without external assistance tea has a "window of drinkability" of about 5 minutes.

1000 words

This is the view of downtown Detroit from Windsor this morning (note the date / time tag in the bottom right corner). Normally this webcam shows a bright and shining Renaissance Center.

The view down the hall and out the window of one of the hoo-hahs on my floor is remarkably similar. Usually at this time of day, looking out his window, I can see a stream of headlights and taillights from the cars going up and down the busy street that leads into the city of my workplace. Today, it's all grey. The whole outside is nothing but grey.

Admittedly, it's probably easier to see things in detail from one of the lower floors of my building (i work on 9), but HOH - LEE - COW!

have i ever mentioned that that is one of my favorite phrases in the whole world? If you happen to know how to say it - the words "holy cow" not the meaning behind the expression - in another language, I'd love it if you'd share. Please, though, spell it phoenetically (i.e. sock-rah-vahsh - phoenetic for sacre vache - french for sacred cow) so that I can figure out how to say it too.

in other news (ha!) my lips are SEVERELY chapped/cracking/miserable. I'm on a STRONG course of Neosporin LT (Lip Treatment) to see if it will help. I tried Carmex, it only burned.

barometer hed

yesterday afternoon it started getting really bad.
the headache grew from just my sinusey places to cover the back of my head. by evening, it had reached past my shoulders, down my back, and into my hips.

we have "weather" coming... and from the pain, i'd say a fairly decent amount of it. the forecast calls for a couple of inches of snow tonight and another 1 or 2 tomorrow. that feels about right.
just for the record, the worst weather headaches come from fast moving fronts... the ones that sneak up on us like anything.
i had one right after my daughter was born when a spring thunderstorm barreled through our county and others in record time... but man was it a doozie.
the other, and i think most horrible (though it could be just because of the timing), was Christmas Eve 2002. there was absolutely NO snow forecasted. we thought for sure it was going to be one of those miserable brown Christmases... after work that day (yes, I used to work on Christmas Eve - it was a half day) a few co-workers and i went out for a quick lunch before embarking on our more filial plans. by the time i left the restaurant my head was roaring. by the time i got home to get ready to go to my aunt's house, i was thinking i shouldn't. half way through dinner i had to go upstairs and have a lie down because everything was blurry. i left early that night... went home and soaked my head in a hot bath until the water got cold... went to bed, over medicated and in tears. i woke up at about 7 the next morning to no less than 5 inches of snow that had fallen between midnight and 4 in the morning... a regular DUMP of snow... a fast moving front.

not to say that it doesn't have its advantages. i CAN fairly accurately predict if we have "weather" coming, and usually how severe it will be.

in today's case, i knew before i heard the news that we could expect snow within 30 hours of the onset of my headache.

still... given the choice, i'd prefer to rely on the weatherman.

esoteric

it's how irefer to my insulated little life

i have a very small circle of friends - whom i rarely see because i prefer to stay home, close to the fireplace, and the stove on which i feel comfortable making hot cocoa, and my daughter and all her familiar toys and all her familar dangers.

i know (on a purely intellectual level) that it wouldn't hurt me - at all - to get out more, to do things, to have a good time with grownups.

but you know what? it doesn't hurt me - at all - to have friends come 'round, and do things, and have a good time with grownups, and my daughter.

i find myself, from time to time, feeling the pressure of external guilt that i don't want to do any of the 'fun' stuff that i used to.

i find myself feeling like i'm supposed to wish that i felt like going out for a drink, or to see a movie

(though i haven't ever really liked going OUT
to see movies because the big
screen and loud LOUD speakers and throngs of
strangers and even, yes even the
popcorn haven't nearly as much appeal as
being able to use the toilet without
interrupting a slew of strangers and
missing the best part (because it's ALWAYS
the best part) because of my
walnut sized bladder),

or out for a nice meal. like i'm less a person because these things don't hold the charm for me that hot dogs and bathtime with the baby do.

but i like my little world.
and until i'm pulled out of it like an unfortunate hermit crab, i'm going to stay for a while.
you're welcome to visit!

snowfix

for those of you who just can't get enough try the make a flake game from the folks at look and feel new media (on my list of kick butt companies)

um.

yeah - that's all

flannel sheets season

i've been holding out on putting the flannel sheets on my bed.

in the past i've jumped the gun, desperate for the soft cuddley feeling of sleepus hibernus without regard to the fact the sooner you flannel coat your bed, the weaker the impact when the weather turns really ugly cold.

i'm putting forth a concerted effort to wait until january before i sheathe the bed in the most comfortable bedclothes imaginable.

i was really tempted there for a while when we were having days of degrees under 20.

lucky for me the forecast is looking warmer for the next week or so anyway...

that's it for this morning.

i'm going to go catch some flakes

hed

one of the silly buggers on my office tree

for the record

This is my home-version of the holiday/Christmas tree.
See how pretty and traditional it is?
You should see it in person - it's glittery and glowey and all full of everything beautiful that the season should be... all captured in lovingly hung ornaments and twinkley lights.

I particularly like the red curtains in the back and the tinly little hand that's helping her daddy to put the topper (i.e. halo-less, wingless angel) on the tree.

** Note - mutilated angel is NOT any sort of religio-political statement, merely the sad side effects of a bad summer in storage.

Holiday Spirit

This is my office Christmas Tree.

It used to be my Halloween Tree.

Yes, I have received a LOT of commentary about the changing seasons and all the whatnot and hooplah.

I prefer to think of it more along the lines of being socially responsible and recycling/repurposing.

What you fortunately cannot discern from this photo is how amazingly ORANGE the tree still looks (in spite of the slew of sugarplum colored lights i almost killed myself stringing on the darned thing). The down side is that you also cannot see how charming the litthe snowman heads are all over it (because you can't see them).

I don't typically deocorate for Christmas in blue and white (perferring to leave some colors sacred for my Jewish friends) but my artistic sensibilities got the better of me and i decided that one way to offset the orange from Halloween would be to use the complementary blue...
My mom recommended going with red ... but I thought with red and orange being so close on the color wheel they'd blend together and my tree (and office) would look like "Holidays at the Abattoir".