cravings

diet update for y'all: i am really REALLY struggling

i got myself down to a loss of over 30 pounds fairly easily. since then i've been bouncing up and down inside a 10 pound range for well over a month. i keep trying to tell myself that once i break through the bottom of this 10 pound range, and pass my first in a series of three goals, that i will be so pleased with the results of all that hard work that i won't mess up again for a while. of course, i tell myself this at the same time that i'm working on convincing myself that "one little reese's cup won't do all that much damage," and "how bad can ONE cupcake be." truth is that one little cup isn't all that bad, and one cupcake will not ruin a week... unless of course the cup and the cupcake and the pb&j sammich and the extra slice of pizza all happen in the same week. nevermind that the rest of the week i'm eating lean protein and vegetables out the ying-ying, and really taking care of my water levels and doing all the right things right... (ok, truth be told, i'm also not exercising like i ought to be, and the stress at work has got to have my cortisol levels through the roof, but aside from all that...) i know that i'm giving in too easily to the little cravings (for food and for languishing on the porch swing...) are doing me in.

why am i giving in? well, mostly because i'm REALLY working on convincing myself that i'm NOT on a diet, and that i AM participating in a lifestyle change (albeit woefully lacking in the exercise element) and that if i think of it as a diet and deprive myself of the occasional treat that i'll fail miserably. problem is, i over occasion the treats, i suppose. i lose sight of the fact that an extra slice of pizza is a treat that surpasses my entire lunch in nutritional elements like calories and fat and carbs... my new "plan" (as i'm always "planning") is to allow myself either one small treat per day of the week (small treat being no more than 100 calories) or one big treat once a week (a big treat being anything that ranks on the level of a meal's worth of calories). this, of course, is starting now (after my midmorning pb&j). i get no more treats this week.
next week i think i'm really going to focus on making sure i have just the little treats... they make me a lot happier.

end of diety babble session. i have to mentally prepare myself for the departmental picnic this afternoon - - did i mention it's being catered???

sigh...