Stuffy nose has moved into a cough for the baby, and on to most of the rest of the house.
I woke up at about 4:30 this morning. I was wide awake by 5:00. And I DESPERATELY wanted to stay in bed today... not because I'm not feeling well, but because I just wanted to be close to my daughter while she's not. I found myself imagining, at 20 past 5 how nice it would be to hold her while she slept... to be her comfort and warmth for another 3 or 4 hours... and then to read with her, and possibly even play quietly for another part of the morning.
She IS feeling better - at least she was yesterday when I got home from work - and was playing happily, actively, much as I'm accustomed to. But I know that she's also having more quiet time - still - while she's taking the medicine and recuperating.
Some days it's really hard to be away, knowing that my daughter is growing up outside of my daytime company. I console myself by saying that I'm making the best choices I can, ensuring that we have healthcare coverage and working on putting together her college fund... but some days it's just so tough to be far-sighted and ignore the fact that I'm not "stuck" watching Sesame Street and TeleTubbies twice a day... because she likes them so well.
I still get to teach her things in the evening... we're working on "happy" and "sad" and "up" and "down" this week... and probably next... and the sounds that Turkeys and Ghosts make (I'd like her to be fluent in each by their respective holidays - I think it would be fun). We definitely play... but I know that I'm missing things, and some days, like today, it makes me just a little sad.
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irregular
- fin
- I go to the ocean to solve myself. There are people who are oceanic. I go to them too. Once I've begun to work out the puzzle, I come here.
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5 comments:
Oh, Niffy, don't be sad!
Yes, you're missing out on the 'mundanes' of the day, but that doesn't make you a bad parent. Let me tell you what Spence said about her summer with her mom...
Jen has two sons. One is 5 and just started kindergarten this fall, and the other one is 3. Jen works full-time. She comes home, makes dinner, then sends the boys into the other room to play for the evening while she reads a book or watches 'her shows' in the living room. The boys are not to 'bother' her unless there is bloodshed involved.
When Spence would try to hang out in the living room to quietly read a book, her mom told her to go into the other room with the boys and do it there. (Partly this is so that Spencer can babysit the boys, and partly -my theory- is so that Jen doesn't have to be reminded that she ever had kids.)
Don't EVER feel that your daughter is being short-changed by you going to work every day. The time you spend with her means a helluva lot more than you'll ever know.
Spencer has known the difference a few hours can make since before she could rationalize it.
xoxoxo
--Kim
Hey, anonymous, I realize you are trying to encourage fin but you need to keep your depressing stories to yourself. Nobody wants to hear about 'bad' parents, not even as comparisons.
Fin, you're doing fine, just like a million other moms.
personal accounts of bad parenting can help put things into perspective. I'm glad kim wrote in...a few hours of quality time is much much better than a whole day of being pushed aside.
I personally know that after being a mom working outside the home, to a stay at home mom...the transition to work mode to mommy mode is not as dreamy as one would suspect.
There are so many choices that us Mommies have to make these days, and it's hard to know if we are making the "right" ones. Each of us has a different situation and circumstance, and we do our best.
I'm sorry that you feel sad that you have to miss things. I'm sure you know (as your post explains) that you are making the best choices for your family - and the time you spend with your little one seems well spent. She'll remember those times most, and that's what matters. Quality, not quantity, right?
Incidentally, I think the first post has a good point, there are some of us who do what we can with what we've got, and there are those of us who could do more but choose not to. Being a working mom isn't the equivilant to being an unavailable mom unless you choose to make it so.
My thoughts are with you.
Thank you - all of you - for your kind thoughts and support.
I'm really REALLY fortunate that the "sad" days are rare.
When I went home last night, there she was, beaming at the front door - waiting for mom with a big hug and a huge smile. We played happy/sad for at least 3 mintues, and then moved on to the incessant, mechanical chatter of her two TeleTubbie toys. And hugs and kisses, and laughing and all the wonderful QUALITY TIME things that mama is apparently pretty good at.
I love you all for your sweet - SWEET- hearts and support...
and in just 14 days, I will be able to cry at my desk IN MY OFFICE where no one can care but me!
Thanks again - dear friends.
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