scatter

EDIT: scratch the extra card - just realised (courtesy of an old co-worker) that today is another old co-worker's birthday... yay serendipity!

i was just putting on a smattering of concealer and some pressed powder (i have a 9am meeting, and need to not scare the other folks attending) and thought back to this one time in high school when a girl who i thought was insanely lovely - one of the A-group girls, no less - approached me at lunch and asked me what i did to make my skin look so beautiful. at the time, i thought for sure that i was on the verge of my own personal Carrie moment (not that i was that far from the A-group, but i was definitely one of the "artsy" kids in my school) and could nearly feel my shoulders hunching in anticipation of the blood bucket as i explained my detailed application of moisturizer, foundation, pressed powder and loose powder, all in a mish-mash of complementary shades to give a tone on tone kaleidoscope effect blah blah blah. the real answer is that i was obsessed with my weight and was drinking about a gazillion ounces of water a day, and because i wore so much makeup (which, in comparison with some of the girls in my class, wasn't nearly all that much) i kept impeccable cleansing practices, and i just had really REALLY good skin back then. somewhere in my late 20's it started going painfully awry, most likely stress, lax eating habits, and alcohol rather than water did most of the damage.
really funny bit is that i'm currently SO envious of the body, skin, and hair that i had all those years ago, i'll probably burn for a significant number of years just off that one little deadly sin.

i have an old friend coming over for dinner tonight... i'm making a simple chicken and broccoli stir-fry because i'm sure the dinner is secondary to the visit. this will be the first time she's seen the baby since shortly after her birth (shortly enough after that i was still home on maternity leave). i'm looking forward to it, yet i'm a bit anxious... i still weigh more than i did when she saw me last, and it's still an issue for me. she won't mention it, certainly, but at the same time, she met me when I was much smaller, and i believe that every time she seems me when i'm not that size (which was still larger than i ought to be) i have the feeling of a sad, head-shaking feeling going through her... in that "you could be so pretty" sort of way. it's all me, i know, but ugh.

why am i dieting? vanity and health concerns... honestly in fairly equal portions. i seriously want to be healthy enough to not only be around, but be fun while my daughter grows up, that's for sure. at the same time, i have found myself looking in the mirror at my "pretty" face and focusing only on the bubble of fat that sits under what should be my only chin. when that starts receding, i'll start feeling better... i'm sure.

bought a dozen greeting cards yesterday and a pack of valentines. i have one card that's not accounted for - a spare - out of all of that. and that's on the heels of a valentines day card spree a couple of weeks ago. Hallmark loves me... possibly almost as much as K at Pink Dot.

i want a vacation. a good one. Soon enough, vacations are going to be (and not because i don't want it this way) the memorable family trips to the grand canyon, and Niagara falls, and the capitol, and those places that every kid should see when they're still a kid. right now, though, i want a tropical breezes, beach and pool-side, sand and sun extravaganza.