so yeah... this was what i was originally going to post about until Heather stirred me up.
the inevitable has happened. i gained weight back.
i could blame it on my monthly terms coming due. i could blame it on the fact that saturday was my husband's birthday.
the short story, though, is that i didn't monitor all that well last week, and because i was sick i didn't work out, and i ate more calories than i burned and i gained back two pounds.
i'm going to have to make some time for the treadmill this week.
28 February 2006
Working Mom and Wife
i work hard. some days i work so hard that i honestly think i'm doing whatever the grey-matter equivalent to a sprain is. i have headaches. i have stress knots in my neck and shoulders. i have buried frustrations. sometimes it's not even so much because of the work i do, but more because of the work i inherit because someone else - who actually should have the same capacity to do it as i - has shirked his responsibility to the company, or worse, to himself (as in, can't be bothered to put the brain-power into solving the problem). some days what i have to do at the office almost completely eats up who i am... and who i want to be for my husband, and who i need to be for my daughter. it's a horribly fine line... and i struggle to walk it almost every day.
we need me to work.
i have the only job in our little family that provides healthcare. we need that.
i have a mountain of debt which i resolutely WILL NOT hoist upon someone else.
we like to eat, and even, sometimes to wear nice clothes.
i celebrate holidays with gifts. when there is not a holiday at hand, i make one up.
i want my daughter to have the option of going to college without the panic about it that i faced from year to year (though i do want her to work and earn it...) so i have an account for her that i like to be able to stuff from time to time.
and finally, i like money... having it, spending it, knowing that i have enough to do a little something every now and again and not worrying.
we need me to work. and honestly, I need me to work.
this isn't to say, though, that if i could wave the magic debt-elimination wand and have another one for spending cash, and a third for bill-be-gone i wouldn't take it. i'd really rather love the option of working when and where i chose. i'd love to work as a volunteer for a cause that really moves me... or even not for a cause, but at a vet, or a bakery, or a greenhouse, or a florist... doing something with my hands and my heart... part time.
i want to be home when my daughter comes home from school ( that's just over 3 years from now) to bathe her in the hugs and enthusiasm she showers on me when i come home from work.
i want to be able to have lush dinners that took me hours to prepare, instead of what i could throw together in a half hour of fatigued un-winding after work and before bath and bed time.
i want to have a spark of spirit left in me, so that when my husband says "let's go hang out with K and C for a couple of hours and have some hangin' out fun" i'm not already calculating how that's going to weigh in against my sleep debt for the week.
heck - i'd like to have an hour or so every couple of days to work out that doesn't steal time from the closely regulated precious little that i have to actually share with them.
i won't even talk about cleaning, because truth be told, i'd rather have the money to hire a service than the time to spend doing it myself...
i work for money because i must. if i didn't need to, i'd still work, but it would be for me... for personal whosie-what's. and it would be on my terms... definitely part time, and most likely just for pin money, or vacation fund, or for "spoiling my college bound daughter with a gift certificate from the local grocer so she can make some hot-pot krispy treats and maybe have a nice salad..."
we return now to our regular programming....
we need me to work.
i have the only job in our little family that provides healthcare. we need that.
i have a mountain of debt which i resolutely WILL NOT hoist upon someone else.
we like to eat, and even, sometimes to wear nice clothes.
i celebrate holidays with gifts. when there is not a holiday at hand, i make one up.
i want my daughter to have the option of going to college without the panic about it that i faced from year to year (though i do want her to work and earn it...) so i have an account for her that i like to be able to stuff from time to time.
and finally, i like money... having it, spending it, knowing that i have enough to do a little something every now and again and not worrying.
we need me to work. and honestly, I need me to work.
this isn't to say, though, that if i could wave the magic debt-elimination wand and have another one for spending cash, and a third for bill-be-gone i wouldn't take it. i'd really rather love the option of working when and where i chose. i'd love to work as a volunteer for a cause that really moves me... or even not for a cause, but at a vet, or a bakery, or a greenhouse, or a florist... doing something with my hands and my heart... part time.
i want to be home when my daughter comes home from school ( that's just over 3 years from now) to bathe her in the hugs and enthusiasm she showers on me when i come home from work.
i want to be able to have lush dinners that took me hours to prepare, instead of what i could throw together in a half hour of fatigued un-winding after work and before bath and bed time.
i want to have a spark of spirit left in me, so that when my husband says "let's go hang out with K and C for a couple of hours and have some hangin' out fun" i'm not already calculating how that's going to weigh in against my sleep debt for the week.
heck - i'd like to have an hour or so every couple of days to work out that doesn't steal time from the closely regulated precious little that i have to actually share with them.
i won't even talk about cleaning, because truth be told, i'd rather have the money to hire a service than the time to spend doing it myself...
i work for money because i must. if i didn't need to, i'd still work, but it would be for me... for personal whosie-what's. and it would be on my terms... definitely part time, and most likely just for pin money, or vacation fund, or for "spoiling my college bound daughter with a gift certificate from the local grocer so she can make some hot-pot krispy treats and maybe have a nice salad..."
we return now to our regular programming....
26 February 2006
pajama Sunday
it's about quarter to five and the house is asleep - mom (sick, thanks to me) in her bedroom, the cat in his little kitty igloo, my husband and daughter on the sofa... my dad is out at the orange store shopping for a part for the insinkerator instant hot water device he's installing (i LOVE instant hot water devices!!!) and here i am blogging in peace... at home... on the weekend!
did i mention that there's a lovely fire in the fireplace, the sun is shining in through the windows, and there's a cup of hot tea close at hand? did i manage to slip the word idyll in there anywhere??
actually, to be fair, it's a weird feeling, just now, with the house quiet and me alone, left to my own devices. i recall one visit to my grandparents' house, when i was younger (i'm trying to recall what the exact situation that left me without my mom at her mom's house was, the only thing i can really think of is that it might have been christmas shopping...) when i was finally left alone with grandma and grandpa, my aunts and uncles had gone out to do their own things, they had both fallen asleep, and as i was old enough to know better than to make enough loud noises to wake them up, i found myself rather bored... without playmates or anything, really to do, at least not anything that wasn't noisy. it was one of the few times, as a child, that i actually considered myself lonely ( odd for an only child, i suppose).
my dad just came home to rescue me from the siberian loneliness of a sleeping house. i think i might go make myself useful in the kitchen... te he he.
did i mention that there's a lovely fire in the fireplace, the sun is shining in through the windows, and there's a cup of hot tea close at hand? did i manage to slip the word idyll in there anywhere??
actually, to be fair, it's a weird feeling, just now, with the house quiet and me alone, left to my own devices. i recall one visit to my grandparents' house, when i was younger (i'm trying to recall what the exact situation that left me without my mom at her mom's house was, the only thing i can really think of is that it might have been christmas shopping...) when i was finally left alone with grandma and grandpa, my aunts and uncles had gone out to do their own things, they had both fallen asleep, and as i was old enough to know better than to make enough loud noises to wake them up, i found myself rather bored... without playmates or anything, really to do, at least not anything that wasn't noisy. it was one of the few times, as a child, that i actually considered myself lonely ( odd for an only child, i suppose).
my dad just came home to rescue me from the siberian loneliness of a sleeping house. i think i might go make myself useful in the kitchen... te he he.
24 February 2006
p.s.
FranceyPants...
I'm so so so so sorry about your cold... shall i send you some ColdEze and an old mushy t-shirt hankey?
I'm so so so so sorry about your cold... shall i send you some ColdEze and an old mushy t-shirt hankey?
at home...
back in the day, people used to have "at home" days, meaning days when they were receiving visitors... it was all that luscious society life.
now, i'm at home because I'm recovering from the cold from hell - still - and helping to care for my daughter (who we all think is coming down with it). it's a working from home day. which is particuarly difficult, since the folks who were supposed to set me up to be able to work from home, never activated me to actually work from home...
i'm doing some research on products/projects we may or may not use/embark on. not bad... but painfully boring. not like real work, where i usually get to solve some sort of very real problem.
of course, the problem of ratty diapers, snotty nose, and empty tummy (brought on mostly by a wracked olfactory system) are challenge enough, i suppose.
love to all - have a great weekend!
now, i'm at home because I'm recovering from the cold from hell - still - and helping to care for my daughter (who we all think is coming down with it). it's a working from home day. which is particuarly difficult, since the folks who were supposed to set me up to be able to work from home, never activated me to actually work from home...
i'm doing some research on products/projects we may or may not use/embark on. not bad... but painfully boring. not like real work, where i usually get to solve some sort of very real problem.
of course, the problem of ratty diapers, snotty nose, and empty tummy (brought on mostly by a wracked olfactory system) are challenge enough, i suppose.
love to all - have a great weekend!
23 February 2006
wonderful
small wonders
last night my daughter gave me a big hug and said "I love you." she did it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. my heart soars.
natural wonders
the sun in my part of the world is rising a bit earlier every day now. when i stolled into the office at 5 minutes to 7 this morning, there were already streaks of golden luscious beginning to reflect off the surrounding east-facing buildings. it won't be long, now, before i'm grousing about having to drive east to work and west to home.
the wonders of science
(or - better living through chemistry)
after the NyQuil finally kicked in, i had a very good night's sleep. granted, i woke up with painfully compacted sinuses, again, and have spent most of my day attempting to evolve into something that is not a mouth breather. so far, the off-brand DayQuil are not working to my satisfaction, and i find myself facing the daunting possibility of having to pay the scandalous sum required to get the real stuff. still, thank heaven for ColdEze. I've all but boycotted paper-product-facial tissues (snissues in my house) citing my new mantra "what starts as a tree, ends up feeling like a tree." my nearly raw nostrils flare in agreement. at home i use an old, super mushy, 100% cotton t-shirt. even in it's raw state cottone looks soft and comfortable. i have an old old old washed 1000 times 100% cotton hanky here at work. it's not as soft as the t-shirt, and if the cold lasts much longer, i have a sinking suspicion that i will be bringing out the sewing machine and scissors to remedy the situation. a nose-blowing t-shirt doesn't need sleeves anyway, right?
will wonders never cease
the building is crypt-quiet today. people are out. people are heads-down-working to get ready for the big corporate meetings coming up next week. people are laying low hoping that the people who are heads-down-working won't have the time to bother them with "delegating" work this late in the game.
you can guess where I fall in the picture.
have a nice sunshiney happy filled day
last night my daughter gave me a big hug and said "I love you." she did it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. my heart soars.
natural wonders
the sun in my part of the world is rising a bit earlier every day now. when i stolled into the office at 5 minutes to 7 this morning, there were already streaks of golden luscious beginning to reflect off the surrounding east-facing buildings. it won't be long, now, before i'm grousing about having to drive east to work and west to home.
the wonders of science
(or - better living through chemistry)
after the NyQuil finally kicked in, i had a very good night's sleep. granted, i woke up with painfully compacted sinuses, again, and have spent most of my day attempting to evolve into something that is not a mouth breather. so far, the off-brand DayQuil are not working to my satisfaction, and i find myself facing the daunting possibility of having to pay the scandalous sum required to get the real stuff. still, thank heaven for ColdEze. I've all but boycotted paper-product-facial tissues (snissues in my house) citing my new mantra "what starts as a tree, ends up feeling like a tree." my nearly raw nostrils flare in agreement. at home i use an old, super mushy, 100% cotton t-shirt. even in it's raw state cottone looks soft and comfortable. i have an old old old washed 1000 times 100% cotton hanky here at work. it's not as soft as the t-shirt, and if the cold lasts much longer, i have a sinking suspicion that i will be bringing out the sewing machine and scissors to remedy the situation. a nose-blowing t-shirt doesn't need sleeves anyway, right?
will wonders never cease
the building is crypt-quiet today. people are out. people are heads-down-working to get ready for the big corporate meetings coming up next week. people are laying low hoping that the people who are heads-down-working won't have the time to bother them with "delegating" work this late in the game.
you can guess where I fall in the picture.
have a nice sunshiney happy filled day
22 February 2006
lessons learned
i'm beginning to remember some of the things i liked so well about my pre-motherhood life... like NyQuil... which i wasn't allowed to take for some 27 months, and by then i had forgotten how well it works (though i must admit, i'm fairly certain - - now - - that it works better on those who don't have a diet with a 10 - 15% alcohol content).
i slept SO well last night that i almost felt human this morning when i woke. of course, then i had to go and ruin it all by actually moving. that's when i realised that the inner workings of my right ear had joined the enemy forces. now, not only can i not hear so well, but i'm significantly off.
i know this is my karmic return for having messed with the cray fish in high school biology.
anywho, just so you don't think that i'm entirely anti-motherhood, one of the best things i learned from being pregnant and nursing is to never underestimate the power of pre-natal vitamins. i chalk this current misery up to the fact that in my sieve-headedness last week, i forgot to take my vitamins on a daily basis.
21 February 2006
today
today i have my coldeze, and my cepacol (ultra), and tea, and an extra box of snissues. i may not die.
today i love the IRS, who called (several times) to let me know that i forgot to sign (yes, i am that imbecile) and to tell me that i could fax in my signed page two for faster processing. yay me. yay IRS.
today i have a sore spot in the roof of my mouth from all the zinc in the coldeze
today was NEARLY a stay at home and get your health together kind of day...
i'm supposed to have a lot to do today, too, and there's a lot i'd like to do today too... but i'm flagging in the energy category and it's not even 9am
have a nice today, my friends....
today i love the IRS, who called (several times) to let me know that i forgot to sign (yes, i am that imbecile) and to tell me that i could fax in my signed page two for faster processing. yay me. yay IRS.
today i have a sore spot in the roof of my mouth from all the zinc in the coldeze
today was NEARLY a stay at home and get your health together kind of day...
i'm supposed to have a lot to do today, too, and there's a lot i'd like to do today too... but i'm flagging in the energy category and it's not even 9am
have a nice today, my friends....
20 February 2006
unfit for dogs...
the weather has been god-awful cold.
i'm feeling particularly under the weather - cold in my bones, achey muscles, and something of a head cold. i forgot my Cold-eze by the comfy chair this morning.
my nearly de-tipped left index finger doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday, though it appears to have broken open enough to bleed again recently. who knew the potatoes would be such slippery little buggers.
i'm elbow deep in Ghostwritten... very much enjoying David Mitchell's writing, and all at once desperate to get to the end, and miserable with the thought of being out of book, again.
i'd give my left toe to be working from home today, but the rotten lousy network isn't my best friend right now, and until i can ensure that i actually CAN work from home, i don't want to say i'm going to, and not be able... maybe tomorrow... especially if i feel like this, or heaven forfend, worse.
i remember being a little kid and liking wearing band-aids. i think it was because they made me feel special, like i was someone to be reckoned with, fearless in the face of skinned knees and busted open elbows. now they're rather unsightly, cumbersome, and as often as not, as much of a bacteria trapping liability as a protective shield against the forces of infectious evil.
did i mention i have a "porkypine in my froat"?
i'm feeling particularly under the weather - cold in my bones, achey muscles, and something of a head cold. i forgot my Cold-eze by the comfy chair this morning.
my nearly de-tipped left index finger doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday, though it appears to have broken open enough to bleed again recently. who knew the potatoes would be such slippery little buggers.
i'm elbow deep in Ghostwritten... very much enjoying David Mitchell's writing, and all at once desperate to get to the end, and miserable with the thought of being out of book, again.
i'd give my left toe to be working from home today, but the rotten lousy network isn't my best friend right now, and until i can ensure that i actually CAN work from home, i don't want to say i'm going to, and not be able... maybe tomorrow... especially if i feel like this, or heaven forfend, worse.
i remember being a little kid and liking wearing band-aids. i think it was because they made me feel special, like i was someone to be reckoned with, fearless in the face of skinned knees and busted open elbows. now they're rather unsightly, cumbersome, and as often as not, as much of a bacteria trapping liability as a protective shield against the forces of infectious evil.
did i mention i have a "porkypine in my froat"?
16 February 2006
tickety, tickety, tickety... boom
i have no idea where my time goes
i have considered cataloging it, like i do my calories these days, but to be honest, i was shaken deeply enough discovering that one of my favorite lunches contains about the number of calories i now eat in an entire day... i certainly don't need to wake up and realise that 20% of my day is spent making (not-sweet) tea.
i am in the throes of beginnning to be excited about a distant but upcoming vacation.
i've been examining airfare prices, trying to imagine what new size of bathing suit i'll need in September, and effectively "counting" away more than half of my year. still, it's exciting... and moreso because i know i'll have over 6 months to save before we go.
i am on a super-duper prayer kick
i still have 2 close friends who are desperate to have children. i pray for them nightly. i have one dear friend who's trapped in a multi-car-pile-up of a marriage, if i could pray for her hourly, i would. i have friends whose parents are ill, they're in my everyday prayers. i have a husband who's ever so keen on getting a non-contract job with benefits like sick leave and vacation time - you know he's in my prayers. i have a daughter who crowns my tome of thanksgiving every night. i'm considering investing in one of those banked candelabra that they have in the shrines.
i am still freaked out that the end of the month is mardi gras - already
and in the midst of all the slipping time, how could it come to pass that it's less than two weeks till mardi gras and i still don't have a mask...
i have considered cataloging it, like i do my calories these days, but to be honest, i was shaken deeply enough discovering that one of my favorite lunches contains about the number of calories i now eat in an entire day... i certainly don't need to wake up and realise that 20% of my day is spent making (not-sweet) tea.
i am in the throes of beginnning to be excited about a distant but upcoming vacation.
i've been examining airfare prices, trying to imagine what new size of bathing suit i'll need in September, and effectively "counting" away more than half of my year. still, it's exciting... and moreso because i know i'll have over 6 months to save before we go.
i am on a super-duper prayer kick
i still have 2 close friends who are desperate to have children. i pray for them nightly. i have one dear friend who's trapped in a multi-car-pile-up of a marriage, if i could pray for her hourly, i would. i have friends whose parents are ill, they're in my everyday prayers. i have a husband who's ever so keen on getting a non-contract job with benefits like sick leave and vacation time - you know he's in my prayers. i have a daughter who crowns my tome of thanksgiving every night. i'm considering investing in one of those banked candelabra that they have in the shrines.
i am still freaked out that the end of the month is mardi gras - already
and in the midst of all the slipping time, how could it come to pass that it's less than two weeks till mardi gras and i still don't have a mask...
15 February 2006
re-routing
something's gone wonky with my windows media player, and now i'm listening to my not so favorite local NPR station because i can't connect to michigan radio. still, thank goodness for itunes radio.
i'm tired.
i'm not particularly interested in doing anything more than getting a little more sleep...
... and warming up
and getting some caffiene into my system
i'm tired.
i'm not particularly interested in doing anything more than getting a little more sleep...
... and warming up
and getting some caffiene into my system
14 February 2006
little big things...
last night, just as we were settling in quietly enough to be in sleep mode, my daughter gave me the best valentine ever... she just-above-whispered her first unsolicited "I love you, mama", paused, then added "a whole bunch."
yeah... i'm still misty.
yeah... i'm still misty.
13 February 2006
hiatus
sorry about friday, things got kind of busy.
i'm looking down the hall and out the window and seeing snow fly, but the detcam doesn't look nearly as grey...
for those of you who don't know, i rather enjoy the snow, so watching it fall all weekend was rather delightful for me. still, i'm glad i don't live along the north-eastern seaboard - ugh!
apart from the magnitude of work on friday, the weekend was relatively peaceful and very pleasant (if cold). so pleasant in fact that i don't have a lot to say about it. how much sleeping in, yummy breakfast, and fun time with the baby does the web really need?
ok - well then, Elmo's coloring book was a blast. i was giddy with watching bright eyes locked in amazement at the stage full of her friends from "jabba jeep" (which we recentlly determined means "Sesame Street" and is not, in fact, the real name of big bird). i was thrilled to witness her clapping in rhythm with the music. i was tickled to experience (first hand) a new version of oscar the pleasant - even if it was only for the duration of a song. we all had a good time (though i suspect i'm the only one of the 3 adults who enjoyed the show itself as much as the show of my daughter watching the show itself - what can i say, i'm a sucker for monsters...) oh sure, she had a few meltdown moments, mostly when she was surrounded by the in-your-face throngs of other small children and their equally nervous and giddy parents, grandparents, and other spoilsome adult staff. she is definitely my child.
today is my friend bo's birthday. i don't know how old she is, i don't really care to ask. she's a bit older than i, but also a bit wiser, friendlier, and heaps more generous. i'm going to go wish her a great day.
09 February 2006
and the winner is...
a long long time ago i did a stupid thing at work, and i told my boss i felt so low... like something that lived under a rock... and he asked if i felt like a salamander, and i thought, yeah, that's pretty accurate. then shortly after my incalculable error, i fixed everything, and the recipient of the fixedness called me a rock star.
since then, when i do something wonderful, i call myself an R.S.S. which is short for Rock Star Salamander.
not only when i do these great things, but also when people (of similar ilk and appreciation for the out of the ordinary compliment) do great things, i likewise call them R.S.S.
so today i sent an email to my loving husband, who likes to occasionally receive interesting challenges to his artistic temperament (and who with an artistic temperament doesn't like the occasional challenge?), and asked him to photoshop me up an R.S.S. image or logo (though i'm already finding myself leaning toward the logo).
then it dawned on me, that if i had this piece of artwork, i could turn it (with the assitance of a micro-factory somewhere) into any number of interesting items, even, possibly, pins or some such to distribute to the people of the world when they do those things that make them feel brilliant.
then it dawned on me that i could, with a little hard work and a lot of good PR, turn it into my own awards ceremony - and we could all call them
"the Sallies"!
wouldn't it be loverly?
since then, when i do something wonderful, i call myself an R.S.S. which is short for Rock Star Salamander.
not only when i do these great things, but also when people (of similar ilk and appreciation for the out of the ordinary compliment) do great things, i likewise call them R.S.S.
so today i sent an email to my loving husband, who likes to occasionally receive interesting challenges to his artistic temperament (and who with an artistic temperament doesn't like the occasional challenge?), and asked him to photoshop me up an R.S.S. image or logo (though i'm already finding myself leaning toward the logo).
then it dawned on me, that if i had this piece of artwork, i could turn it (with the assitance of a micro-factory somewhere) into any number of interesting items, even, possibly, pins or some such to distribute to the people of the world when they do those things that make them feel brilliant.
then it dawned on me that i could, with a little hard work and a lot of good PR, turn it into my own awards ceremony - and we could all call them
"the Sallies"!
wouldn't it be loverly?
denied...
i tried to give blood today.
a while back i heard that the Red Cross had changed its policy on people who had visited the UK, but in reading the "important to know before you donate" guide, the same old commentary about if you spent 3 months or more in the UK between 1980 and 1996 still lingers.
i'm a mad cow liability
a while back i heard that the Red Cross had changed its policy on people who had visited the UK, but in reading the "important to know before you donate" guide, the same old commentary about if you spent 3 months or more in the UK between 1980 and 1996 still lingers.
i'm a mad cow liability
08 February 2006
scatter
EDIT: scratch the extra card - just realised (courtesy of an old co-worker) that today is another old co-worker's birthday... yay serendipity!
i was just putting on a smattering of concealer and some pressed powder (i have a 9am meeting, and need to not scare the other folks attending) and thought back to this one time in high school when a girl who i thought was insanely lovely - one of the A-group girls, no less - approached me at lunch and asked me what i did to make my skin look so beautiful. at the time, i thought for sure that i was on the verge of my own personal Carrie moment (not that i was that far from the A-group, but i was definitely one of the "artsy" kids in my school) and could nearly feel my shoulders hunching in anticipation of the blood bucket as i explained my detailed application of moisturizer, foundation, pressed powder and loose powder, all in a mish-mash of complementary shades to give a tone on tone kaleidoscope effect blah blah blah. the real answer is that i was obsessed with my weight and was drinking about a gazillion ounces of water a day, and because i wore so much makeup (which, in comparison with some of the girls in my class, wasn't nearly all that much) i kept impeccable cleansing practices, and i just had really REALLY good skin back then. somewhere in my late 20's it started going painfully awry, most likely stress, lax eating habits, and alcohol rather than water did most of the damage.
really funny bit is that i'm currently SO envious of the body, skin, and hair that i had all those years ago, i'll probably burn for a significant number of years just off that one little deadly sin.
i have an old friend coming over for dinner tonight... i'm making a simple chicken and broccoli stir-fry because i'm sure the dinner is secondary to the visit. this will be the first time she's seen the baby since shortly after her birth (shortly enough after that i was still home on maternity leave). i'm looking forward to it, yet i'm a bit anxious... i still weigh more than i did when she saw me last, and it's still an issue for me. she won't mention it, certainly, but at the same time, she met me when I was much smaller, and i believe that every time she seems me when i'm not that size (which was still larger than i ought to be) i have the feeling of a sad, head-shaking feeling going through her... in that "you could be so pretty" sort of way. it's all me, i know, but ugh.
why am i dieting? vanity and health concerns... honestly in fairly equal portions. i seriously want to be healthy enough to not only be around, but be fun while my daughter grows up, that's for sure. at the same time, i have found myself looking in the mirror at my "pretty" face and focusing only on the bubble of fat that sits under what should be my only chin. when that starts receding, i'll start feeling better... i'm sure.
bought a dozen greeting cards yesterday and a pack of valentines. i have one card that's not accounted for - a spare - out of all of that. and that's on the heels of a valentines day card spree a couple of weeks ago. Hallmark loves me... possibly almost as much as K at Pink Dot.
i want a vacation. a good one. Soon enough, vacations are going to be (and not because i don't want it this way) the memorable family trips to the grand canyon, and Niagara falls, and the capitol, and those places that every kid should see when they're still a kid. right now, though, i want a tropical breezes, beach and pool-side, sand and sun extravaganza.
i was just putting on a smattering of concealer and some pressed powder (i have a 9am meeting, and need to not scare the other folks attending) and thought back to this one time in high school when a girl who i thought was insanely lovely - one of the A-group girls, no less - approached me at lunch and asked me what i did to make my skin look so beautiful. at the time, i thought for sure that i was on the verge of my own personal Carrie moment (not that i was that far from the A-group, but i was definitely one of the "artsy" kids in my school) and could nearly feel my shoulders hunching in anticipation of the blood bucket as i explained my detailed application of moisturizer, foundation, pressed powder and loose powder, all in a mish-mash of complementary shades to give a tone on tone kaleidoscope effect blah blah blah. the real answer is that i was obsessed with my weight and was drinking about a gazillion ounces of water a day, and because i wore so much makeup (which, in comparison with some of the girls in my class, wasn't nearly all that much) i kept impeccable cleansing practices, and i just had really REALLY good skin back then. somewhere in my late 20's it started going painfully awry, most likely stress, lax eating habits, and alcohol rather than water did most of the damage.
really funny bit is that i'm currently SO envious of the body, skin, and hair that i had all those years ago, i'll probably burn for a significant number of years just off that one little deadly sin.
i have an old friend coming over for dinner tonight... i'm making a simple chicken and broccoli stir-fry because i'm sure the dinner is secondary to the visit. this will be the first time she's seen the baby since shortly after her birth (shortly enough after that i was still home on maternity leave). i'm looking forward to it, yet i'm a bit anxious... i still weigh more than i did when she saw me last, and it's still an issue for me. she won't mention it, certainly, but at the same time, she met me when I was much smaller, and i believe that every time she seems me when i'm not that size (which was still larger than i ought to be) i have the feeling of a sad, head-shaking feeling going through her... in that "you could be so pretty" sort of way. it's all me, i know, but ugh.
why am i dieting? vanity and health concerns... honestly in fairly equal portions. i seriously want to be healthy enough to not only be around, but be fun while my daughter grows up, that's for sure. at the same time, i have found myself looking in the mirror at my "pretty" face and focusing only on the bubble of fat that sits under what should be my only chin. when that starts receding, i'll start feeling better... i'm sure.
bought a dozen greeting cards yesterday and a pack of valentines. i have one card that's not accounted for - a spare - out of all of that. and that's on the heels of a valentines day card spree a couple of weeks ago. Hallmark loves me... possibly almost as much as K at Pink Dot.
i want a vacation. a good one. Soon enough, vacations are going to be (and not because i don't want it this way) the memorable family trips to the grand canyon, and Niagara falls, and the capitol, and those places that every kid should see when they're still a kid. right now, though, i want a tropical breezes, beach and pool-side, sand and sun extravaganza.
07 February 2006
as if the math isn't enough...
on top of all of the math and determining what you do and don't qualify for, the IRS actually expects you to remember to sign the form before mailing it in.
yeah... i think i was an utter dumba** and totally blanked on signing the form. it should only add about a month to a month and a half for the refund to come rolling in. shudder.
i KNEW i should have done it online - cute little instruction book and envelope and stickers they mail you be damned. it's my own fault, i suppose... i'm such a sucker for stickers.
let's all keep our fingers crossed, shall we, that i don't bonehead up on the state form too.
yeah... i think i was an utter dumba** and totally blanked on signing the form. it should only add about a month to a month and a half for the refund to come rolling in. shudder.
i KNEW i should have done it online - cute little instruction book and envelope and stickers they mail you be damned. it's my own fault, i suppose... i'm such a sucker for stickers.
let's all keep our fingers crossed, shall we, that i don't bonehead up on the state form too.
06 February 2006
time warp
Oddity of the Year (thus far)
since early January i've noticed that time is behaving oddly. these days i can find myself on the tail end of a Friday wondering where tuesday afternoon went, but when i try to think back to what happened last month this time, i feel like i'm trying to remember my 16th birthday... oh so far behind me.
probably i'm just going senile.
since early January i've noticed that time is behaving oddly. these days i can find myself on the tail end of a Friday wondering where tuesday afternoon went, but when i try to think back to what happened last month this time, i feel like i'm trying to remember my 16th birthday... oh so far behind me.
probably i'm just going senile.
the blizzard that didn't - take two
let me just say this first and foremost - ugh
first - because i'm actually resorting to "talking about the weather"
second - because the weather just so isn't
and now the rundown
Friday C.O.B.
in a mad rush to hit the ladies room before leaving for the 1 hour commute home, someone in an equally mad rush (heaven forfend) to make it back to her office, very unceremoniously ran into me on my way out of the elevator. beyond almost peeing my pants, i did a quick sprain on my right ankle (the "strong" one) and hobbled my way to the ladies'. and out to the car. and in to the house once i finally got home.
Saturday Antics
the weather folk said we were supposed to have a doozie of a snowstorm. my head was - for the most part - in concurrence, as was my recently twisted (i downgraded from sprain because apart from the nearly falling on my face incident at potty time at 3am, i actually could walk so it didn't warrant true sprain classification) ankle. anyway, because of the numerous harbingers of precipitous doom, i decided that i needed to do the weekend grocery shopping sooner than later. this, ruefully, meant alone, as my husband was still at his parents' house and my mom is currently indisposed with a back strain that if not treated gently could disable her at any moment. when i say alone, you know, i mean alone with the baby (who would, i believe, gnaw through the sheet metal of my car door before missing an opportunity to go "shopping" - even just grocery shopping). she was an angel, btw, in the store (and on the drives to and from!). i'm convinced this good behaviour was entirely the result of her awareness of my self destructive march up and down every aisle of the store so as not to forget anything (which, of course, i did - kool-aid, cool whip, and chicken stock). my ankle was in tatters.
home for about an hour and i got a phone call from my husband who was on his way home and worried about making it in time for us to get ready for the evenings activities (about which i had entirely forgotten until his call, and for which i was, most definitely, not prepared). shudder. with screaming head and ankle i tried (ultimately in vain) to steel myself for an evening of dinner and bingo. i think i may have cried a little... not for my own sake, but damn i hate disappointing my husband. within minutes of being in the house he knew i didn't relish the idea of going. moments after that he graciously opted not only me, but himself, out of the plans, and spent the time, instead, being present for me and the baby. ooh, i love him so.
saturday night i hobbled around the house trying to make a better than pretty good dinner, my husband helped. it was slightly better than pretty good (one of my cooking experiments... suffice it to say, I will not be serving rice noodles any time again soon).
Pajama Sunday
got up, got outta bed, dragged the cat across my head.
went downstairs and made my favorite new Sunday breakfast, french toasted crumpets. utterly delectable.
after breakfast we took the baby out to make a snowman of her very own (it took no less than 10 minutes to convince her that her stuffed "frosty" couldn't come out with us) the end result was pretty impressive, considering the absolute minimum of snow (about 2 inches out of the "up to 8" we were promised) and the cold (pack inhibitor) and the fact that it was actually two adults over 30 (and not our pre-two year old, who would have certainly done a much better job without us) building the thing. it took another 10 to 15 minutes to convince her to come in (and that she couldn't bring her snowman, because he'd melt)
making dessert, making and eating lunch, a little play time, and just about the crankiest 21 month old in the house later and my husband and daughter and i were on the road, questing for a nap and some chicken stock (i also remembered the kool-aid, and some after-thought carrots, but still no cool whip). she napped for about 45 minutes (at 5-6 pm this is exactly the amount she requires to be utterly sleepless at bedtime). the minute we got home she woke up, and immediately resumed her pre-drive pleas to build another sneman. fortunately it was just getting dark enough that she bought the "too dark, maybe another day" argument (quite honestly, i do hope we get another day - resplendent in fat fluffy snow - and can build her a proper snowman - before winter is officially over). dinner, dishes, and bathtime gone and the drama of bedtime. she actually went down easier than i had expected, but it was still a battle.
this week is going to be busy. THIS is actually the week i'm going to attempt to give blood. i also have about a dozen birthday cards and two birthday gifts to find the time to purchase. add to that that this week is Elmo's coloring book and a new slew of work to get through, and - wow - i'm so looking forward to the weekend...
03 February 2006
quadrameme
no one tagged me
and i don't really have anything that fascinating to add
but my creative brain has been suffering rolling brown-outs this week
that and i have a squirreled away copy of some crap from radioIO80's running on my iTunes right now instead of my regular dose of NPR (sometimes Robin Lostig -sp?- can grate my brain with his voice).
4-Jobs
data monkey
freelance personality
virtual coffee-mug factory operations manager
cage dancer
4-Films
Pride and Prejudice - BBC
The Fifth Element (not about alcohol - whoda thunk?)
Truly Madly Deeply
Finding Nemo
4-Places I've Lived
Michigan - too much all over
Norfolk England
Rhode Island - briefly
4-TV shows
Survivor
America's Test Kitchen
Food Channel Challenge - whatever it is
CSI
4-Vacations
Disney World
Koln, Germany
All Over Australia/NZ
Sunny California
4-Favorite Dishes
Cherry Pineapple Pork Chops
Lamb Salad with Creamy Romano-Garlic dressing
Beer n Curry Night Vindaloo
Hummus and Lamb with fresh pitas
4-Sites I Visit Daily
Dooce
Mighty Goods
PinkDot
Allison
4-Places I'd Rather Be
a sundrenched beach with my family and the salted roar of the ocean
the Criterion Hotel Restaurant, munching on lamb salad with creamy romano garlic dressing
at home in bed cuddling with my family
having that imaginary dinner party where you can invite all sorts of people regardless of their actual status of living...
and i don't really have anything that fascinating to add
but my creative brain has been suffering rolling brown-outs this week
that and i have a squirreled away copy of some crap from radioIO80's running on my iTunes right now instead of my regular dose of NPR (sometimes Robin Lostig -sp?- can grate my brain with his voice).
4-Jobs
data monkey
freelance personality
virtual coffee-mug factory operations manager
cage dancer
4-Films
Pride and Prejudice - BBC
The Fifth Element (not about alcohol - whoda thunk?)
Truly Madly Deeply
Finding Nemo
4-Places I've Lived
Michigan - too much all over
Norfolk England
Rhode Island - briefly
4-TV shows
Survivor
America's Test Kitchen
Food Channel Challenge - whatever it is
CSI
4-Vacations
Disney World
Koln, Germany
All Over Australia/NZ
Sunny California
4-Favorite Dishes
Cherry Pineapple Pork Chops
Lamb Salad with Creamy Romano-Garlic dressing
Beer n Curry Night Vindaloo
Hummus and Lamb with fresh pitas
4-Sites I Visit Daily
Dooce
Mighty Goods
PinkDot
Allison
4-Places I'd Rather Be
a sundrenched beach with my family and the salted roar of the ocean
the Criterion Hotel Restaurant, munching on lamb salad with creamy romano garlic dressing
at home in bed cuddling with my family
having that imaginary dinner party where you can invite all sorts of people regardless of their actual status of living...
02 February 2006
Day of Ugly Skirts
everyone in my office is wearing an ugly skirt, or worse, a lovely skirt paired with entirely the wrong foot coverings (namely inappropriate boots)
ok - i exaggerate - none of the men are wearing skirts, and probably only half of the women, and of that half of the women, only a few of them are in ugly skirts, and a few more with unfortunate shoe/boot pairings
i'm hungry and i don't have any skim milk and i can't eat the oatmeal without the milk - shudder - again
this picture makes me laugh. every time i even think about the notion of toilet training my cat i imagine this in my head an all of a sudden it's not nearly as appealing - even though it would be really awesome to never have to empty/clean a "potty box" (as my daughter calls it) again.
where i am in my day:
manky tea
ratty fingernails
BBC Newshour on Michigan Radio (NPR)
waiting for the milk cart
where my day is going:
lunch with my friend Q at Chang's
some monkey work
dinner with my family at my friend Stef's house
possibly/hopefully Survivor
and with real luck, a good night's sleep
ok - i exaggerate - none of the men are wearing skirts, and probably only half of the women, and of that half of the women, only a few of them are in ugly skirts, and a few more with unfortunate shoe/boot pairings
i'm hungry and i don't have any skim milk and i can't eat the oatmeal without the milk - shudder - again
this picture makes me laugh. every time i even think about the notion of toilet training my cat i imagine this in my head an all of a sudden it's not nearly as appealing - even though it would be really awesome to never have to empty/clean a "potty box" (as my daughter calls it) again.
where i am in my day:
manky tea
ratty fingernails
BBC Newshour on Michigan Radio (NPR)
waiting for the milk cart
where my day is going:
lunch with my friend Q at Chang's
some monkey work
dinner with my family at my friend Stef's house
possibly/hopefully Survivor
and with real luck, a good night's sleep
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