I'm not sure if I'm a zombie or a vampire but I'm definitely dealing with "back from the dead."
I've been miserable sick for the better part of 5 weeks - in varying degrees. My darling husband and I are of the opinion that I've contracted an alien virus.
Halloween was fun - heck Niftober was fun. We had a LOT of stuff planned, did all of it, and it broke me.
By the time November rolled around (the 9th, to be exact) the bottom fell out. Made me miss the Sisters of Mercy concert... the one that I bought the tickets a month in advance for. OH so pissed off over that one.
Thanksgiving was a rough go too - - feeling very poorly and surrounded by a LOT of loud family.
I'm hoping that Christmas will go better... I mean, after nearly 5 weeks I HAVE to be on the mend, right? As I write this, there are Christmas decorations downstairs calling out to me (from boxes stacked in the middle of other stacks of boxes...), a tree that still hasn't been brought up, ONE MEASELY string of lights up on the window (and nothing on any - - ANY - - of the others) and 3 - no 4 - strings of lights on the porch (none on the edges of the house... that's too much like danger).
Don't even get me started on the number of gifts that I don't have wrapped.
OK friends... I will endeavour (because I hate saying "try") to be here more often.
10 December 2008
02 September 2008
faceless
the weekend was a blur. a pleasant blur, but a blur nonetheless.
in the process of all the doings and goings on over the weekend I have misplaced my makeup bag. granted, I didn't start looking for it until some ridiculous hour this morning, while half asleep, but the bottom line is that I ended up facing the first day of work, after a long weekend, without a stitch of makeup on my face.
needless to say, all of my meetings have been brief.
in the process of all the doings and goings on over the weekend I have misplaced my makeup bag. granted, I didn't start looking for it until some ridiculous hour this morning, while half asleep, but the bottom line is that I ended up facing the first day of work, after a long weekend, without a stitch of makeup on my face.
needless to say, all of my meetings have been brief.
18 August 2008
touche
mama: baby, if you EVER willingly do anything that you KNOW could put your life at risk, you will be GROUNDED
baby: from what?
mama: from EVERYTHING
baby: even eating?
baby: from what?
mama: from EVERYTHING
baby: even eating?
01 August 2008
resurgent
i've been reminded lately that i'm a romantic dreamer. certainly there are people in the world who would belly-laugh to think that i needed to be reminded of this, but i have spent so very much time putting that girl away in cupboards, that i have - or i should say, HAD - effectively erased her from my own consiousness.
well over a decade ago my heart was broken. compound fracture. shattered.
i spent a long time denying myself any real feelings. being a scientist. being anaesthetic. letting moments come, and pass. keeping my heart sequestered from my head... and body. in short i did everything in my power to keep from having my heart broken again. i made a lot of decisions in an emotional vacuum - focusing on the pragmatic - coming up with reasons to turn (run) away from any circumstance that could possibly involve a true, real, romantic attachment on my side.
i spent a short time after that coming close. playing with fire... or warming my hands - you choose. i got close to really loving people. testing the ice-wall i had built around myself and finding cracks... terrified by the implications of them.
within the past 5 years i started REALLY letting the walls down, feeling - and hurting by the bye - and allowing the feelings to flow through me (instead of shoving them off and away).
but within the last year, i've come to recognize that long forgotten poet in me. it's been a wicked rude awakening... i've caught myself realising how many opportunities i've lost, what beauty i've turned away from, what truths i've missed. i'm glad though, to have me back... in spite of how horrible it is to realise what i've left in my wake.
if i've ever broken your heart, or hurt you, i'm sorry.
well over a decade ago my heart was broken. compound fracture. shattered.
i spent a long time denying myself any real feelings. being a scientist. being anaesthetic. letting moments come, and pass. keeping my heart sequestered from my head... and body. in short i did everything in my power to keep from having my heart broken again. i made a lot of decisions in an emotional vacuum - focusing on the pragmatic - coming up with reasons to turn (run) away from any circumstance that could possibly involve a true, real, romantic attachment on my side.
i spent a short time after that coming close. playing with fire... or warming my hands - you choose. i got close to really loving people. testing the ice-wall i had built around myself and finding cracks... terrified by the implications of them.
within the past 5 years i started REALLY letting the walls down, feeling - and hurting by the bye - and allowing the feelings to flow through me (instead of shoving them off and away).
but within the last year, i've come to recognize that long forgotten poet in me. it's been a wicked rude awakening... i've caught myself realising how many opportunities i've lost, what beauty i've turned away from, what truths i've missed. i'm glad though, to have me back... in spite of how horrible it is to realise what i've left in my wake.
if i've ever broken your heart, or hurt you, i'm sorry.
31 July 2008
mortal uh tea
it's a tea with milk afternoon. if Kiernan still haunts me this will probably make him laugh at the old woman i've become, but really... its blasted cold in the office and i'm feeling pensive. if i had a lap cat and some knitting to do, i'd be all set.
i'm not sure if today's tea really counts as old woman tea though... in spite of the milk, it's not any boring old tea, but some highly spiced chai, to which i've added hazelnut sweetener and milk. so really, i believe i've crossed over from tea to some other starbuckian beverage altogether.
it dawned on me recently (in the middle of an email to a friend) to suspect that one of the driving forces behind my new-found desperation to contact old friends is the recent loss of a dear (and young) one. all this time i had been blaming it on approaching middle age (which may very well have some part in it), but i am leaning, more and more, toward this difficulty i have with saying good-bye - especially as regards the last good-bye.
it's compounded when I regard the parting that often happened with these friends from my youth... these friends who shared my invincibility... who, like me, were too vibrant for the seriousness of saying "I love you, and wherever you go, you are a part of me, and I want to thank you for the part of yourself that you've given to me, and please take care of the part of me that I have given you in return." there's so much more weight these days.
youth is NOT wasted on the young, i think. i'm not sure if - weighted by the depths of 'maturity'- any of those soft sweet moments that comprise so many of these fond memories could have happened with my mind as it is now. certainly, the things i do now have more meaning, and are probably more strongly rooted in "things i WILL remember" but these things lack the airy lightness - the very innocence - of those carefree (truthfully, mostly careless) moments. nougat, or maybe even lighter - cotton candy - sweet because of the ephemeral. squish it all up, make it dense, and it's too much.
pondersome day, today...
i'm not sure if today's tea really counts as old woman tea though... in spite of the milk, it's not any boring old tea, but some highly spiced chai, to which i've added hazelnut sweetener and milk. so really, i believe i've crossed over from tea to some other starbuckian beverage altogether.
it dawned on me recently (in the middle of an email to a friend) to suspect that one of the driving forces behind my new-found desperation to contact old friends is the recent loss of a dear (and young) one. all this time i had been blaming it on approaching middle age (which may very well have some part in it), but i am leaning, more and more, toward this difficulty i have with saying good-bye - especially as regards the last good-bye.
it's compounded when I regard the parting that often happened with these friends from my youth... these friends who shared my invincibility... who, like me, were too vibrant for the seriousness of saying "I love you, and wherever you go, you are a part of me, and I want to thank you for the part of yourself that you've given to me, and please take care of the part of me that I have given you in return." there's so much more weight these days.
youth is NOT wasted on the young, i think. i'm not sure if - weighted by the depths of 'maturity'- any of those soft sweet moments that comprise so many of these fond memories could have happened with my mind as it is now. certainly, the things i do now have more meaning, and are probably more strongly rooted in "things i WILL remember" but these things lack the airy lightness - the very innocence - of those carefree (truthfully, mostly careless) moments. nougat, or maybe even lighter - cotton candy - sweet because of the ephemeral. squish it all up, make it dense, and it's too much.
pondersome day, today...
28 July 2008
girlier or sillier
something.
the story?
this past weekend a memory hit me clear as blazes.
i'm me, but younger (of course, it's a memory, hell0...) in bloomers and a chemise. my corset, underskirt, hoop, bumroll, overskirt, bodice - all balled up somwhere, maybe in a pile next to me, maybe not. i know that i have my hat (my gloves are in it, it is not on my head) and probably some other bits with me. the sun is setting - or possibly has set - the sky is darkening and the air is cooling - considerably. i sit in the dampening grass on the top of a hill - there are earthy smells all around me. across from me is a friend, a girl, an angel of a girl complete with golden hair and glowing rosy cheeks. her name is Kim, but to me she is Soya, and will always be.. she makes me laugh and we half giggle with each other throughout the conversation. i can feel the distinct difference, now, between the cool earth beneath me and the heat of my skin (i spent the day walking in the hot sun, carting probably 40 pounds of costume and accessory, making people happy, feeding them the fodder of thoughts like I am having right now). beside me, a boy. a young man. burgeoning. at the onset of the ripeness of his manlihood. for now, though, he is a young man, a gentleman. his name is Patrick - i'm almost certain of it, but memory is wicked deceptive... i could be wrong. he is full of whispers and caresses. in my memory i know his hand on my shoulder, or, perhaps, his arm around my waist. i know he wants to kiss me - - the pity is that I don't remember if he did.
it's a movie - moment, this memory. it's the kind of thing that helps me remember the prettiness of my history. it's the kind of thing I want to share with my daughter when she tells me about hers.
the story?
this past weekend a memory hit me clear as blazes.
i'm me, but younger (of course, it's a memory, hell0...) in bloomers and a chemise. my corset, underskirt, hoop, bumroll, overskirt, bodice - all balled up somwhere, maybe in a pile next to me, maybe not. i know that i have my hat (my gloves are in it, it is not on my head) and probably some other bits with me. the sun is setting - or possibly has set - the sky is darkening and the air is cooling - considerably. i sit in the dampening grass on the top of a hill - there are earthy smells all around me. across from me is a friend, a girl, an angel of a girl complete with golden hair and glowing rosy cheeks. her name is Kim, but to me she is Soya, and will always be.. she makes me laugh and we half giggle with each other throughout the conversation. i can feel the distinct difference, now, between the cool earth beneath me and the heat of my skin (i spent the day walking in the hot sun, carting probably 40 pounds of costume and accessory, making people happy, feeding them the fodder of thoughts like I am having right now). beside me, a boy. a young man. burgeoning. at the onset of the ripeness of his manlihood. for now, though, he is a young man, a gentleman. his name is Patrick - i'm almost certain of it, but memory is wicked deceptive... i could be wrong. he is full of whispers and caresses. in my memory i know his hand on my shoulder, or, perhaps, his arm around my waist. i know he wants to kiss me - - the pity is that I don't remember if he did.
it's a movie - moment, this memory. it's the kind of thing that helps me remember the prettiness of my history. it's the kind of thing I want to share with my daughter when she tells me about hers.
25 July 2008
silly girl
i watched Becoming Jane last night.
alone. while my husband was at work. during girl week.
WHAT kind of foolish am I...
i'm not usually prone to swooning, now that I'm a wife and mother and corporate monkey.
i'm not usually given to flights of fancy...
and yet, i find myself still heart-broken at the practical good-bye
OF COURSE i know it was the smartest thing she could do - - for EACH of them.
OF COURSE i know she was right
but it's cold comfort.
i want her happy endings.
i crave happy endings... justice... love.
what?! what do you expect from me?
i'm a wishing star
or a guardian angel
or
a silly girl...
08 July 2008
getting my toes wet
today i have decided that i am going to dedicate some of my time to my new job. oh sure, i'm still buried in my old job (the one that i was supposed to be DONE with by june 2nd) but i've had it with not doing anything good/fun/meaningful.
it's neat because i'm "making contacts" with people i see every day, but have never had the opportunity to work with... and the sad matter of fact in this building, is that if i don't work with someone, i have very little interaction with them. i have a deep hive mentality about this building... in that i believe it is where work gets done... and not, so much, where i hang out with friends.
i have, as a matter of fact, been accused of being cold, reclusive (see troglodite), and (at best) reserved. the people with whom i share office space don't - as a general rule - know me very well.
i'm off to a meeting - with my new team - to advise them that i'm still cleaning up old reporting... the never-ending (at least seemingly so) duty of getting rid of my old job. at least today i get to tell them that i'm making headway on other stuff as well...
it's neat because i'm "making contacts" with people i see every day, but have never had the opportunity to work with... and the sad matter of fact in this building, is that if i don't work with someone, i have very little interaction with them. i have a deep hive mentality about this building... in that i believe it is where work gets done... and not, so much, where i hang out with friends.
i have, as a matter of fact, been accused of being cold, reclusive (see troglodite), and (at best) reserved. the people with whom i share office space don't - as a general rule - know me very well.
i'm off to a meeting - with my new team - to advise them that i'm still cleaning up old reporting... the never-ending (at least seemingly so) duty of getting rid of my old job. at least today i get to tell them that i'm making headway on other stuff as well...
07 July 2008
Natsubate
no - it's nothing naughty. it's Japanese for "summer fatigue".
i suffer it every year... some worse than others. basically, it means that just about every summer, for a few weeks (at least) i'm right there among the ranks of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers.
those of you who know me KNOW that i'm not a sleeper... sleep is for the weak, rest is for the dead...
and yet, this past couple of weeks, i've been achingly struggling through the afternoon, fighting (and sometimes losing the fight) the strong urge to rest my head and take a "short" nap (of 3 hours or so).
a recent trip to Wikipedia has rendered the Epstein Barr diagnosis useless. after looking (hard) at the articles about Natsubate, i'm not sure it's that either... (not enough air conditioning to make it so).
i write this as i find myself really struggling to keep my eyes open and myself "in gear" for the afternoon of lawn mowing that faces me. (it's not just chor-iented either, as i found myself awakening at 8pm on the 4th after just settling down to rest my head for a wee bit at 5 that same afternoon - - with not a chore on the docket).
i should really write these days down in my calendar... and see if i can find some pattern year over year...
in the meantime, i'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute...
i suffer it every year... some worse than others. basically, it means that just about every summer, for a few weeks (at least) i'm right there among the ranks of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome sufferers.
those of you who know me KNOW that i'm not a sleeper... sleep is for the weak, rest is for the dead...
and yet, this past couple of weeks, i've been achingly struggling through the afternoon, fighting (and sometimes losing the fight) the strong urge to rest my head and take a "short" nap (of 3 hours or so).
a recent trip to Wikipedia has rendered the Epstein Barr diagnosis useless. after looking (hard) at the articles about Natsubate, i'm not sure it's that either... (not enough air conditioning to make it so).
i write this as i find myself really struggling to keep my eyes open and myself "in gear" for the afternoon of lawn mowing that faces me. (it's not just chor-iented either, as i found myself awakening at 8pm on the 4th after just settling down to rest my head for a wee bit at 5 that same afternoon - - with not a chore on the docket).
i should really write these days down in my calendar... and see if i can find some pattern year over year...
in the meantime, i'm just going to rest my eyes for a minute...
01 July 2008
funk
i've been out of whack today.
too many things happening all at the same time, none of them under control, and a good heaping dose of feeling in the middle. all of this has joined forces to render me funked.
i keep trying to climb out of things, but find myself thwarted... i get the voice-mail. i get the broken connection. i get the blues.
i keep hoping it's hormonal, and that tomorrow when I wake up everything will be 'just fine.' but for now...
not so much.
too many things happening all at the same time, none of them under control, and a good heaping dose of feeling in the middle. all of this has joined forces to render me funked.
i keep trying to climb out of things, but find myself thwarted... i get the voice-mail. i get the broken connection. i get the blues.
i keep hoping it's hormonal, and that tomorrow when I wake up everything will be 'just fine.' but for now...
not so much.
29 June 2008
Daring Embarrassment
EDIT:: agonizingly blurry photo of my finished braid
and not so blurry, but equally tasty - the pinwheels.
I filled them with home-made cherry filing, and iced them with an almond hinted simple glaze.
we very much enjoyed the chomping of these...
I got a phone call yesterday morning. My mom's eldest brother passed away. She needed family and love and a good strong shoulder, so I spent a good part of the day over there. By the time I got home, I was drained... and, in spite of being distraught, baking just didn't appeal.
So - I started, this morning, making this month's challenge.... which is only half done... well, not even that... but getting close.
I neglected to factor in the "let refrigerate 5 hours or overnight" element when I started this morning.
Tomorrow evening , I will have lovely photos of my Daring Learning Experience posted.
Until then, please check out the other FABULOUS creations using the blogroll as a guide.
and not so blurry, but equally tasty - the pinwheels.
I filled them with home-made cherry filing, and iced them with an almond hinted simple glaze.
we very much enjoyed the chomping of these...
I got a phone call yesterday morning. My mom's eldest brother passed away. She needed family and love and a good strong shoulder, so I spent a good part of the day over there. By the time I got home, I was drained... and, in spite of being distraught, baking just didn't appeal.
So - I started, this morning, making this month's challenge.... which is only half done... well, not even that... but getting close.
I neglected to factor in the "let refrigerate 5 hours or overnight" element when I started this morning.
Tomorrow evening , I will have lovely photos of my Daring Learning Experience posted.
Until then, please check out the other FABULOUS creations using the blogroll as a guide.
28 June 2008
pseudo tagged by pinkdot
she did this. i liked it.
i tried it
(took a LONG time to find photos whose titles answered the questions)
so i cheated a little, but I wanted it to make sense.
i tried it
(took a LONG time to find photos whose titles answered the questions)
so i cheated a little, but I wanted it to make sense.
Here's what you do:
- type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search.
- using only the first page, choose an image.
- copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker over at FD’s image maker.
The Questions:
- What is your first name?
- What is your favorite food?
- What high school did you attend?
- What is your favorite color?
- Who is your celebrity crush?
- What is your favorite drink?
- Where is your dream vacation?
- What is your favorite dessert?
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- What do you love most in life?
- What is one thing you must do before you die?
- One word to describe you.
27 June 2008
meet otto
last friday elliot was caught in the middle of a 5 car pile up
in the middle of a construction zone
in the middle of a very busy interstate
(though I don't know how they can call it that since it doesn't cross any state lines)
this is how he came out of it:
i have spent the better part of the last week "working" with my insurance company (Farmers) in an attempt to get some idea of what is going on, how long it will go on, and when i can wash my hands of all of this and have my life back.
today i finally got the call that my claim has been approved (etc) and that all i have to do now is sign a bunch of forms and DHL them to the company and wait for my check. that's all. ask me to WAIT and see how well i do.
today we went to look at a new vibe... didn't like it so much... there are things i love about it, and always will - - the ac plug, the plastic back end (that is NOT a trunk), the gas tank cover release, the fold down flat front passenger seat, and the air vents. but the new one is squishy in the back seat. and the gear shift is offset to nearly horizontal (weird) and nostalgia for elliot is NOT going to make the new car the old car.
we also went and looked at the saturn astra. 5 door xr. i found one - - ONE - - with a manual trans and a moonroof. we took it for a test drive. we checked out the bits and pieces. we're bringing him home just as soon as i get the check.
meet otto.
in the middle of a construction zone
in the middle of a very busy interstate
(though I don't know how they can call it that since it doesn't cross any state lines)
this is how he came out of it:
i have spent the better part of the last week "working" with my insurance company (Farmers) in an attempt to get some idea of what is going on, how long it will go on, and when i can wash my hands of all of this and have my life back.
today i finally got the call that my claim has been approved (etc) and that all i have to do now is sign a bunch of forms and DHL them to the company and wait for my check. that's all. ask me to WAIT and see how well i do.
today we went to look at a new vibe... didn't like it so much... there are things i love about it, and always will - - the ac plug, the plastic back end (that is NOT a trunk), the gas tank cover release, the fold down flat front passenger seat, and the air vents. but the new one is squishy in the back seat. and the gear shift is offset to nearly horizontal (weird) and nostalgia for elliot is NOT going to make the new car the old car.
we also went and looked at the saturn astra. 5 door xr. i found one - - ONE - - with a manual trans and a moonroof. we took it for a test drive. we checked out the bits and pieces. we're bringing him home just as soon as i get the check.
meet otto.
03 June 2008
fluff and nonsense
it's been too long since i've logged in to say - more or less - nothing.
it's not that life is boring. it's just that i feel like it's just a normal (not necessarily) boring life - the kind that most folk have. i'm feeling very ordinary. and not even in a bad way.
i'm going through some changes at work - - a new position in my same company, in my same department. it's a growth opportunity, and i'm excited. i can't remember the last time i've had a "growth opportunity" in front of me, but i'm pretty sure I liked it the last time too. I'll have a new boss (who reports to my old boss) and I've really enjoyed working with her in the past. And a sort-of new kind of work... sort of. i'll be doing a lot of what I've always done, it's just that now, for the most part, i'll be doing it for myself. and a lot of other cool new stuff to boot. what that other stuff is, i'm not quite sure yet, but i'm glad to be learning something new. in spite of departmental changes (3 years ago in september) i've been doing more or less the same job since 1999. needless to say, i'm pretty darned good at it, and i definitely felt comfortable in the position i left yesterday. but it's time for change - - or as my ladybug used to say - - shaking the snow-globe.
my home life is good. the garden is gorgeous, the baby is getting bigger, smarter, funnier, and even possibly prettier (she always looks SO good in the sunnytime - the fresh air and sunshine do her a world of good and happy). oh sure, i have mountains of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, and dust on the window-sills, but i don't think that those things REALLY detract from a happy home (except, maybe, on cleaning day).
if it rains tomorrow, I have shelves to assemble for my bedroom clutter (i'm very excited about this). if it's sunny, i have plants to get in the ground (i've given up on my initial plans - which required additional funds) and have found alternate locations for them (i.e. in place of the burning bushes which the rotten rabbits won't stop eating).
see - - fluff.
and nonsense.
have a great day!
it's not that life is boring. it's just that i feel like it's just a normal (not necessarily) boring life - the kind that most folk have. i'm feeling very ordinary. and not even in a bad way.
i'm going through some changes at work - - a new position in my same company, in my same department. it's a growth opportunity, and i'm excited. i can't remember the last time i've had a "growth opportunity" in front of me, but i'm pretty sure I liked it the last time too. I'll have a new boss (who reports to my old boss) and I've really enjoyed working with her in the past. And a sort-of new kind of work... sort of. i'll be doing a lot of what I've always done, it's just that now, for the most part, i'll be doing it for myself. and a lot of other cool new stuff to boot. what that other stuff is, i'm not quite sure yet, but i'm glad to be learning something new. in spite of departmental changes (3 years ago in september) i've been doing more or less the same job since 1999. needless to say, i'm pretty darned good at it, and i definitely felt comfortable in the position i left yesterday. but it's time for change - - or as my ladybug used to say - - shaking the snow-globe.
my home life is good. the garden is gorgeous, the baby is getting bigger, smarter, funnier, and even possibly prettier (she always looks SO good in the sunnytime - the fresh air and sunshine do her a world of good and happy). oh sure, i have mountains of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, and dust on the window-sills, but i don't think that those things REALLY detract from a happy home (except, maybe, on cleaning day).
if it rains tomorrow, I have shelves to assemble for my bedroom clutter (i'm very excited about this). if it's sunny, i have plants to get in the ground (i've given up on my initial plans - which required additional funds) and have found alternate locations for them (i.e. in place of the burning bushes which the rotten rabbits won't stop eating).
see - - fluff.
and nonsense.
have a great day!
28 April 2008
Daring Baker April - Chickie Pops
Ok - Really - these are cheescake pops - DELICIOUS and (although time consuming, yet easy). This month I was finally challenged to bake in a water bath (not being a fan of flan, or brulee, or any such such, I've never really had much reason for a water bath).
At any rate - on with the show:
This is finally in the pan. Because I made a half a batch (this month's challenge happened the same weekend as my daughter's birthday - and THAT much dessert in the house is dangerous at best) I opted to use my hand mixer instead of my Kitchenaid. It was a bit of a strain on the poor thing, but it worked well.
Out of the oven. I think I MIGHT have cooked it a wee bit too long, but it smelled awesome! After this, it was left to cool to room temp, then wrapped up and thrown in the fridge overnight.
Out of the oven. I think I MIGHT have cooked it a wee bit too long, but it smelled awesome! After this, it was left to cool to room temp, then wrapped up and thrown in the fridge overnight.
After all of the "chillin'" (overnight in the fridge) there was some scooping (which didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped/anticipated, but tidied up after a little cool-palmed rolling). Then back into the cold (this time the freezer) for a number of hours. Then a nice warm chocolate dip (making me think a lot of the nordic sauna process) and a roll in the pretty pretty, and voila - yummy deliciousness in a tidy little bite size. My family LOVED these... me too!
01 April 2008
Daring Baker March - Perfect Party Cake
A day late.
or two
and THIS is all that was left.
honestly.
i turned my back and before the frosting, before the fruit, she was at it.
it was good...
belive me.
and if you don't believe me -
ask my daughter, the chomper
03 March 2008
FLAKEY air-head Baker
I had this stuff done on the 27th and totallly forgot to post.
February's Daring Bakers challenge was Julia Child's French Bread
8+ hours for three loaves of very nice tasty bread (that didn't have as many gaping holes as I would have liked) but BOY isn't it pretty?
19 February 2008
Down with Winter
I am officially done.
I don't want any more cold and grey.
I have completely steeped myself in hot tea (and drowned my sorrows in almond cookies) and I don't want any more.
Bring on the sunshine and warmth - and yes, even the sloggy wetness that is spring.
SOMEONE - threaten me with the promise of bathing suit season to awaken my urgency in this pursuit of the ever-elusive "healthy lifestyle."
I want to walk on a beach,
I want to CHOOSE not to wear shorts.
I want bare feet and the chore of mowing the lawn.
I want lemonade and grilled meat-stuffs.
ah.
sigh.
I don't want any more cold and grey.
I have completely steeped myself in hot tea (and drowned my sorrows in almond cookies) and I don't want any more.
Bring on the sunshine and warmth - and yes, even the sloggy wetness that is spring.
SOMEONE - threaten me with the promise of bathing suit season to awaken my urgency in this pursuit of the ever-elusive "healthy lifestyle."
I want to walk on a beach,
I want to CHOOSE not to wear shorts.
I want bare feet and the chore of mowing the lawn.
I want lemonade and grilled meat-stuffs.
ah.
sigh.
05 February 2008
as an aside
just looked back at my sweeney todd post
and it occurred to me
that johnny depp has a very beautiful skull.
and it occurred to me
that johnny depp has a very beautiful skull.
blu
lost a friend over the weekend
a precious light, too soon snuffed
my heart is heavy
and i'm screaming-at-the-soul angry with him
and i'm tired of knowing too many dead
still too sad for many words.
a precious light, too soon snuffed
my heart is heavy
and i'm screaming-at-the-soul angry with him
and i'm tired of knowing too many dead
still too sad for many words.
28 January 2008
my january daring baking
I LOVE lemon meringue pie. It's absolutely KILLNG me that I haven't eaten it yet, but I'm waiting for MT to get home.
I didn't like making the crust at all - - i'm not used to using butter in my pie crust, and mixing it in the food processor didn't work the way i thought it would (the Barefoot Contessa makes it look so easy). Still, I'm thinking it's going to taste great - - i hope the butter gives it a nuttiness that a Crisco crust doesn'thave.
The lemon curd i DID taste, and HO-Doggie, is that stuff good. I've never had vanilla in a lemon curd before, and man am i nuts abou tit. This is DEFINITELY going to be my new curd recipe!
I've seen some great things trolling the other bakers blogs and I'm geeked to give them a try!
16 January 2008
the approach
my birthday is coming.
it's a "nine"
which is right on par with the "fives" for bad birthdays.
unlike most of the rest of the world, i embrace the decades, as they have always felt, to me, like a fresh start on a new chapter.
i came across this song in my iTunes and it made me smile. i think i have the lyrics right.
it's taking myself too seriously, of course, but isn't that what approaching birthdays are for?
The Darkest Star
oh you sad one
playing the angel
isn't so easy where you're from
oh you wild one
devil's companion
you won't stay satisfied for long
i don't want you to change anything you do
i don't want you to be someone else for me
oh you dark one
eternal and silent
caught in the spider's web you've spun
oh you blind one
gentle and kind one
seeing the world as a loaded gun
i don't want you to change anything you do
i don't want you to be someone else for me
stay as you are
the darkest star
shining for me
majestically
~ depeche mode
it's a "nine"
which is right on par with the "fives" for bad birthdays.
unlike most of the rest of the world, i embrace the decades, as they have always felt, to me, like a fresh start on a new chapter.
i came across this song in my iTunes and it made me smile. i think i have the lyrics right.
it's taking myself too seriously, of course, but isn't that what approaching birthdays are for?
The Darkest Star
oh you sad one
playing the angel
isn't so easy where you're from
oh you wild one
devil's companion
you won't stay satisfied for long
i don't want you to change anything you do
i don't want you to be someone else for me
oh you dark one
eternal and silent
caught in the spider's web you've spun
oh you blind one
gentle and kind one
seeing the world as a loaded gun
i don't want you to change anything you do
i don't want you to be someone else for me
stay as you are
the darkest star
shining for me
majestically
~ depeche mode
08 January 2008
and a li'ol of the Mr. Todd dunnit hurt much neevah...
oh yeah - - and we saw Sweeney Todd the demon barber of Fleet Street on Sunday to boot.
And oh, but doesn't a little Johnny Depp (and a dash of Alan Rickman) do a girl's heart a world of good?
I'm ridiculously drunk on blinkety blink blink....
nothing's broken but can't be fixed...
i have been BLUE lately.
just miserable unhappy sad and down.
i've been blaming it on post-holiday-stress-disorder
i've been blaming it on the weather
i've been ridiculous
no one and nothing to blame it on but me
God love him, my husband bought me the Marie Antoinette soundtrack.
There are songs in here that - for a wild-child of the 80's - are an actual balm for the soul.
(yes, for me - the AntGirl - Kings of the Wild Frontier is the number one among these)
In the hour that it took me to drive to work, listening all the way I could feel the blues peeling off me like layers of onion skin.
Am i 100% happy and full of teen-aged bliss?
Hell no.
But I have a new (royal family) outlook on how to get there.
And it involves a little bit of flirting with the world
and a LOT of AntMusic!
Look out world...
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