And Nothing But...

the truth of the matter is, i've been too grumpy to write anything worth reading.

for the past week or so, i've just been a wretched mess of bad mood and irritability. quite honestly, i don't like me very much, and haven't for a while. the littlest things set me off, and while i immediately regret my grouchiness, the bottom line is that it doesn't undo the fact that i was a turd to begin with.

i've been trying all of my tricks:
- - counting to ten
- - breathing
- - focusing on the beauty
- - looking for the innocence of the moment
and i'm more or less coming up empty. the only time lately that i'm not making people (and myself) miserable, is when i'm alone (then it's just me who suffers).

my daughter helps - immeasurably - by reminding me that she loves me. she does this by telling me "mama, i SOOO love you" which, really, should be all the cure i need - - and yet, here iam, a half-done ham, waiting for some external cloud to lift and the happiness to come flooding in.

i KNOW that the only way for me to shake this is to find the peace within, to be motivated by it, and to never let the zeros get me down.

maybe i need a mini-retreat...