18 May 2012

if you love me

please don't go doing something stupid and getting yourself hurt on a bad work day (or at the end of a bad work week).

it - 
well -
it just won't go well for you.

an example - not from real life:
Say you happen to see this really cool looking water-slide thingy with a bike perched at the top.
it's steep
it's yellow



and you think to yourself, "this steep yellow waterslidey things look like a great way to use a bicycle to break myself into pieces."

That's fine

Seriously.  Even on a bad work day, I can support that.

BUT

IF you should happen to DO it... mount the bike, attempt the slide, and fall off or over or some other such and break yourself to pieces...

When the hospital, or the police, or your loved ones who COULD be convinced to come to the hospital and feel bad for you and shit happen to call me and tell me about it, it will go down like this:

Nif:     Hello?

Gullible/Unfortunate sucker who's looking after you:    Is this Jennifer?  Jennifer Smith?

N:     Who's asking?

GUSWLAY:      Um, this is some poor unfortunate gullible sucker who's stuck looking after this moron you know who threw him/herself off a bicycle on a bright yellow waterslidey looking thing because they thought it would be fun. 

N:      yes, I'm Jennifer, Jennifer Smith.

GUSWLAY:      Um, your moron friend has been hurt pretty badly and is in the hospital.

N:      Oh, wow, can you do me a favor?  Can you tell the moron to go fuck him/her self?

And sure, I might even feel bad about it afterward, 
but really?  
on a bad work day?
you should know better.

2 comments:

JC said...

This is great stuff.

fin said...

Thanks Joanna. It's a rare day I can REALLY crack myself up like this, but when I do, I just kind of have to share.