Back in the Saddle

It's been more than two years since I've thought I had anything worth writing.

A lot has changed in my life:

I lost my job.

This is nothing like losing ones keys. While it's not quite as bad as losing ones mind (I'm guessing) it felt a lot like it. While I never thought (and still don't believe) I identified myself with my job, I definitely identified myself with "working." There were a lot of times during that 10 month period (I'm back to work - tho in a completely different (if not new) capacity) that I thought "who the fuck AM I if I'm not working?" and "how do I identify my worth, now that it's not monetized for me?" and "OOOhhhhh - I can drive my ass all over the state - and COUNTRY - now that I'm not tied to a desk all freakin' day!!!" But that last bit is a whole different take on it, and I don't really want to get into that right now. The thing is - - I realised, very profoundly, that I'm very much the kind of person who needs an occupation. I managed a while just taking my (generous) severance package and whiling away time with Foo.

Then I filed for unemployment, and all of a sudden, things changed. A lot. I felt useless and worthless. So I grabbed a part time gig where I learned a lot about what I don't really want to do - no matter HOW good it smells in the workplace (it was a local florist; they needed some marketing help). And even if I wasn't using my skills and talents to their potential, it felt INCREDIBLY GOOD to be contributing again.

Yep. I'm a worker bee.

I'm back at work now - temping for my old company - and doing stuff that most people just flat-out don't understand, and at which I happen to be VERY good. I feel the power of pulling in my own income again. I feel the thrill of accomplisment - from time to time - with big projects and little ideas. It's a wonderful thing.



My divorce is final.

There's not a lot I'm going to say about this. Blog or otherwise it's private business.

It is - however - a major change in my life and it affects the person I am and the way I live, so it bears mentioning.

The two biggest external changes are the amount of time I get to spend with Foo and the amount of $ in my bank account. Both qualify for the "not enough" category. But I'm working through each of them in my own way, and it will all work out. I'm committed.



My Foo is in 2nd grade.

OMG I can't believe I've slipped for so long that the last round of posts were about her getting ready for Kindergarten. Did I mention that I so suck?

Anywho - - she's smart as a fucking whip. It makes me proud and drives me nuts. Yep - I'm a typical parent. She's doing great. She's awesome. She's abjectly miserable with homework. She doesn't like to take the time to write neatly and most of what she writes is significantly more beautiful contextually than it is legible. Math is her favorite subject (ROCKS!!!!) and she's honing her skills at drawing cats. She likes cats. So sue me.

This is a big year for her, tho, because of a couple of things that don't exactly relate to classwork.

She's embarked on the world of girl-scouting. She's a brownie. She likes the social time after school every other monday. She makes some funky fun craft stuff. She laughs with her friends. She sucks at selling cookies. I imagine she'll suck even worse at delivering them. But she likes it, and that's enough for me.

AND

She's getting ready to make her First Communion. She's in a Catholic school (at least through the end of the year) and it's a 2nd grade EVENT. We have her dress - - she loves it... and truth be told, I do to. It's pretty. We have her gloves. We have her veil (tho I might be altering the bejeesus out of it). We have her tights. We do NOT have her shoes... but that's ok. The white patent leather shoes will be coming out for Easter soon (or are they already? I have foregone actually shopping at Target for the past couple months (see above comment about $) and have no idea what's in the markets these days) and we'll get her feet covered. (te he - - see what I did there???)

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've been a lapsed Catholic for a long time now... or maybe a "buffet Catholic" ??? I like some traditions. I like some songs. I don't like dogma. I don't like waking up on Sunday for Church, IN LARGE part because I don't like a lot of the messages that fill the Sunday Mass. I know that she's pretty deeply steeped in the messages she's hearing... and while I don't like all of them, I do like the relationship she's building with her Maker. Hers is not a lot like mine - - not at this point - - but that's exactly as it should be. But the whole Communion thing. Eh... it's a thing. I'll support it because I love her and it's important to her. I may even wait until after she's done it before I explain that she's just taken her first indelible step over the line of Taboo and has become a cannibal.

Next year we're probably switching to homeschooling. It will be a big step, but one that I think she'll benefit from. Not sure how I'm going to sell my mom on it... I have a lot of research to do, and share... but the truth of the matter is that I don't really like the programming she's receiving right now, and I'm ready to flip the switch.



I've been writing again.

Most of what I've pulled together has been poetry.

Ok - fucking all of anything I've done worth looking at is poetry. Fine. Whatever. Fuck you.
(I say it with love, you know that, right?)

But I'm writing. And you get to read some of it. Aren't you lucky?

I have NO IDEA how often I'm going to update... clearly we've seen what a miserable failure I am at keeping up with a "program". But I want to... and that's pretty damned important, I think.

so - -
yeah...

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